Sunday, January 11, 2015

shamrock shake

Are you a friend of Gary Rainy's?The man in the green shirt asks.
"no," I say
and than the man looks at me like I said the wrong thing
"yes" I say
I have gotten used to being lead
and told what to say and told what to do
of answering yes or no sir....
just by either hearing or seeing what answer I should give ...either with the Merge or with Face to Face..-what they call ground bound "Teams'
Obviously they are not doing interface because they don't wear headsets
or sensors
I used to think they could be wearing them under a toupee or something
but than I decided they are
mainly there 
to see how "it" works.
and test how a Proxy functions ,if he can behave normal like....while the interface is going.
,these ground bound men and women KNOW about the apps and what they do in terms of allowing me to HEAR and SEE
and than my hearing and seeing and thinking ..being sent  all enway because of the stuff they put in
I usually spot a "Ground Bound".
but they scare me in ways that the Merge doesn't it
cause according to my Mandlers it's gonna be  one of these Types  who's gonna  hurt me and we ain't talking "Hand's Off" hurt .If I don't get better at hiding the
yip yap
and appear in public all looking here AND THERE
or talking out loud to the Tele -Presence.
.like some human drone
making a mockery out of 'Modern Marvels"
 ground bound "players" also are the one's who sometimes help me...or move the interface forward
saying their lines...and doing what they might do to provoke a response

"it leaps it creeps and slides right down the wall." one might say instead of "morning"

'I met a boy named frank mills on September 12th right here"someone might "sing" in the line at whole foods.
just so I know there's always someone "looking out for me"
and don't you go thinking this is no schizophrenia ...and taking no pills...
is the inference
but what would you know dear reader...
YOU know
by the time you get the "apps" they'll be developed so well..and regulated" and you won't think twice what we had to go through to make them
feel as un-intrusive as possible
they'll be standardized..
and you unlike me unless you're a crimuinal or something be allowed to shut them off
Ground Bounds
who make me aware "that yessum Dumbo "we read you" loud and CLEAR,"
are different types than
 the men who "man" me..with direct neural interface
a lot of them are 'dressed up" in such a way THEY go with whatever lesson or story Evan or Tru Christie has put me in
so in a way
Ground Bounds are just pieces .Like me
I always feel really odd when I  meet these kinds...cuz' THEY know ...exactly what has happened to me..
they know all about how I can transmit and receive..
how what they say and do ..
and my response to them...goes through me to my Team..
maybe more than the Mandlers by remote do these guys play with me like I am a puppet...
they never seemed amazed by what they made me be able to do...
they take for granted...
he's been" apped."..
and every now and than we do 'staged" line readings
or what some Targeted Individuals call Street Theater
to move things along..
like I said I don't understand any of it...I just know it's wrong...
so wrong really you can't afford to think about it....
but there I am anyway in the bar with less than 40 bucks and nowhere to sleep...and
one thing I can say is they know exactly what to say...
i'm not good at small talk to begin with...
I don't know what to make of "the community theater" people involved in developing Merge
like I said I can't afford to think too much about it..
and just focus on what's going on ....matter of hand wise...
mainly the man in the green shirt orders me a back up drink..
and next he asks ,"so what do you do for a living?"
I tell him ,"I stare at things that nobody else can see and sit listening to words and sound nobody else can hear"
I say this because it's true
I think I didn't say it to provoke anything...I do not know ///what to say..
never did I guess.but
you sorta' like having someone know...
but nobody's supposed to know..
and for a while I did my best to make it not known...than --it really just never ended or went anywhere..
and I really became...resentful...and  ..began writing about it in many different ways...
nobody should be able to make someone 's mind so it without you wanting it to..
relay brain signals...through the air to some computer or people at the computer used to translate your once private thoughts into common language

and not just inner monologue but thoughts,,,feeling....perceptions moods.
than non stop there's feedback that in real time come to you via the Occipital Overlay and auditory over lay...
you can't shut it off.
you never asked for it.
you've been to tons of shrinks
you've taken tons of meds for delusions and hallucinations...and they don't stop it..
and you just see whatever life you had which wasn't much going and going
but to nowhere..
to tests...for no real reason.....
and than there you are in the bar with a man that obviously knows "how it works" probably better than you...
for all you know this man in green shirt literally listened to your transcribed thoughts and feelings...
and maybe you sicken him
or maybe your just nothing to him but "testing'

"So you sit around listening and hearing things nobody else can all day...Nice Work if  you can keep it <" He says, "wouldn't want to lose it ...Though I suppose if someone somehow sees and hears things nobody else a  new way...than I guess this person who can do this could afford to lose his eyes and ears couldn't they?"The man in the green shirt says squeezing my thigh really really hard than pinching my leg real hard before saying"Let's thry that again<" he says letting go of my thigh while I try to rub away the pain...he gets up off his stool and pantomimes him meeting me for the first time,hand out,all smiling?So what do you do for a living?"

"I'm an artist," I say

and he says ,"what a coincidence I collect art,But mainly I collect art by dead artists.You know any dead artists?
"no," I say drinking >"don't know any dead artists"

;[I have been spoken to like this mannered manner since the day I was born,i didn't really know my real I have mentioned Neuronautics doesn't 'believe" in 'its children being raised merely by 2s.but by the group and for the group -by speaking in what Neuonautics calls "Phrasement Theatricals"(as if every question another in the group made came from someone on the otherside of speakeasydoor,"Run Run as fast as you can" A foster parent would say..if I had asked to go outside and play for instance  and I would say,"you can't catch me I'm the Gingerbread man" and without a word about when I had to come back in ...or how far I could go around the grounds one of the adults would open the screen door.(meaning yes I had said the right words and yes I had finished my chores and yesI could play out side...maybe it doesn't make sense to you..who were not or are not a second generation Neuronaut,,,but it made sense to them and than onto me..Gary Rainy believed that before man claimed the lands and oceans and waters he first claimed the language of the people on the lands ..and made up words for all things...
words that Gary believed were only created to limit the capacity of man thinking for all input that went into a man's mind was already defined.}

"you live around here?"The man ,in the green shirt,about 10-15 years older than me asks..{I grew up and was always surrounded by men 10 to 20 years older than me..for only older men ...could teach me..things....that people my age couldn't nor dared not...

we did not the group nor the places we lived...farms,mainly farms or ranches and also abandoned warehouses that were in the middle of LA or Riverside county
call our birth parents Mother or Father
but we could call THESE men Uncle..

the man in the Green shirt reminded me of an "Uncle" who was one of my groundbound Mentors when I was 6 or so...and when my foster parents and 2d ,rd,stepmothers and 2nd and 3 rd step parents all lived together in their part of what they called the "homestead"

I knew that Uncles like this man didn't like a Younger talking,no matter I was no longer young at all
and was glad ,at the time(maybe at all times though I sometimes carry on about it) Evan Rainy was "with me"to glide me...I made a point of making it a point not to see Evan ,who had Tele-Presented himself once more as Great gazoo a little to the side of Green Shirts face...which indicated to me I"was not !" to make direct eye contact with Green.
who asked ,"You live around here?"

'sort of I said...I sorta moved out

"ahhhh the man said.You and your wife aren't getting along so well"

"I don't have -a-..+

Evan graphs,"say yes"

"yes," I say not really remembering what the man asked

"I notice ,"the man in the green shirt says,touching my left hand,"I notice you're not wearing a ring"

without think,without really knowing where the words in my head are coming from.Nor Caring.Cuz if I "THINK" hmmm"where are these ideas coming from" according to "My Team" I ruin the Suspension of Disbelief needed for "play" and continue speaking as if Evan's words ...Evan's wordless words (his thoughts) are my own,"Helps sell the art..not wearing a ring"

"Bet it helps you sell other things as well doesn't it?< Green Shirt says his hand on my thigh again but friendly like..

I see Evan still as Great gazoo very small near my glass of beer ...and glean Evan's Imbue,which is basically-"please .please don't say anything else.and please .please don't go all campfire buffalo meat staring into space likea mental case.
Evan imbues and I glean "Evan will show mw where to loo and that "my Team" at Proxy Cyber is going to "try" something new...concerning "Character Over -Ride..and that I am not to fight it or you'll look like a puppet....meaning no more beer and no more man in  green

I feel my arm being moved but not quite "by me" I feel my arm being moved atop the Green Man's thigh and feel myself feeling the man's thigh all the while Gleaning from Evan "you know not to think like that..
by that Proxy Cy means NO "I"inyourself that you should
"allow yourself to be Driven"
be "a sport"
this is not very hard to do when one "rolls with it" and feels another 's emanations through you
steering you..
as directed I drink a little bit of my beer which my Mandler decideds to make taste like a Shamrock Shake...joking around he begins piping through me bits of  this little song from a movie or tv ad  I saw years
 ago .. 3 more days at Micky D's 3 More Days at Mickey D's Silver Shamrocks
         2 more days at Mickey D's 2 More Days at Mickey D's Silver Shamrocks... the singing stops but not the jingle ...wordless
but with the same jingle like pulse
Evan keeps it up..maybe to see if I can appear like I don't hear it...
but I think mainly because he just likes playing with all the sequencers and controls and voice modulators
and haptics...they have "at the studio"
than he re-adds the words to the jingle  1 more day to Mickey D's Mickey Ds Mickey Ds one more Day to MickeyD's and Silver see if I can be further removed
and I start crazy...for getting  for a moment where I am.
 with the man in the bar
"something funny?" the man says sort of  angry
 the man in green seems completely withdrawn now
which seems to have  been Evan's make me look insane...laughing at things nobody else does.
some little jingle
for shamrock shakes , from years ago...
I sip the beer only to see if it tastes like beer...not shamrock shake
but now it tastes like ketchup.. I do not respond...I do not spit the beer out
and with partially my own will I place my hand back on the man's thigh
to explain my laughter I say..because Evan has Graphed that  I should,"sorry about that outburst ,the laughing I was just thinking 'if my wife could  see me now"
"Let's get out here," the green man says
"ok ," I say ,grabbing the my coat and knap sack...and tasting the beer one more time ,just to see what My Mandlers decided the beer should taste like...tomato juice
so much like tomato juice I pick up a napkin from the bar to get rid "of mealy mouth" that tomato juice makes one have around the corner of one's lips...
"you with me?" the man says,"you seem so much in another world..maybe this isn't such a good idea.."
"No..No I say.
Leaving the bar Green asks me "what's your name ?
I begin to say it but Evan corrects me to say  "Damian"
"you're Irish right?" the man says hailing down a cab
I begin to say no but Evan Imbues."yes Irish on both sides...
In the cab the man in green says ,"Well Damian old are you?"
I begin to say...while I feel a numbness in my face,which the man seems to know he is watching my face...smiling
"your what 34?" The man in Green,in the cab says
Say yes...Evan says
The man puts his hand again on my thigh.and Evan appearing as Jiminy Cricket seemingly on "the other side" of the cab partition
don't don't SAY anything,Or do "that shrug thing' presently unpresent...guys like that don't talk about yourself...The man doesn't want you to talk...But he's watching you to see if you can be presently unpresent... but not look like a rag doll hearing or seeing things understand?

I sit still but present.Focused..Luckily I feel 'another"...another's Imbue over my own to x -out my own fidgedy-ness...
"My name is Lou by the way.Louis.My friends call me Lou," Louie says unbuttoning his pants,handing the cab driver a couple of 20 dollar bills.
Pulling his pants down a bit Lois says,"You my friend  Damian"
"Yeah" I say
"well," he says ....

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