Monday, January 26, 2015

fits and ties(truly,madly deeply) 1998

Boolean-logic-based nano-platform based on a dielectrophoretically aligned nanowire array

The Monster Study is the name given to a stuttering experiment performed on 22 orphan children in Davenport, Iowa in 1939. It was conducted by Wendell Johnson at the University of Iowa. Johnson chose one of his graduate students, Mary Tudor, to conduct the experiment, and he supervised her research. After placing the children in control and experimental groups, Tudor gave positive speech therapy to half of the children, praising the fluency of their speech, and negative speech therapy to the other half, belittling the children for every speech imperfection and telling them they were stutterers. Many of the normal speaking orphan children who received negative therapy in the experiment suffered negative psychological effects and some retained speech problems for the rest of their lives. Dubbed the "Monster Study" by some of Johnson's peers, who were horrified that he would experiment on orphan children to prove a hypothesis, the experiment was kept hidden for fear Johnson's reputation would be tarnished in the wake of human experiments conducted by the Nazis during World War II. Because the results of the study were never published in any peer-reviewed journal, Tudor's dissertation is the only official record of the details of the experiment...give it to me baby/uh huh /uh huh/give it to me baby /uh huh/uh huh

what was what I heard for weeks and weeks xxxx said telling me about apartment #9..he apartment he cleared out with the reconfigured microwaves.made into what he calls Emination projectors
the walls of all cheap apartment  are made outta sheetrock ..ONLY sheetrock sometimes and some shit particle board.Sheetrockya' know is made out of plaster.yeah plaster!do you know that" the people "who  were probably TOLD to MAKE sheetrock. ONLY made sheetrock BECAUSE sound travels so well through sheetrock?...XXXX said..(back in the days XXXX was trying to teach me.or what he said "reteach me" the ways of the world.XXXX said " some guy ,some genius at some company says FROM NOW on we're going to ONLY use sheet rock as building material ESPECIALLY  for apartment complexes you know why Dumbo Damian?Because the people in charge of this world want neighbors to turn against their neighbors! and not against the people in charge.Did you know that smell,that the smell of cooking travels through sheetrock EVEN better than sound does not only do you have to smell your own Dinty Moore cooking cuz' your so damn poor you can't eat nothing else.-but  also-you have to smell the smell of poverty .and Dinty Moore IS the smell of Poverty...coming at you from below ,above and from both sides.Now imagine THAT!also  with somechild screaming in apartment #9 nine...Not only are you hearing that scream in your own head.cuz The Guys  On top decreed to have you be Poor...but you're also hearing this little kid scream ,as if he's trying purposely to scream louder than that voice in your head smelling Dinty Moore cooking from all directions!All this and  you have to work some shit job the next day to buy this Dinty Moore...and might have to be stuck working a Dinty Moore job the rest of your fuckin' life..and you hear
Give it to me Baby uh huh
uh huh
Give it to me baby uh huh
uh huh
coming from this direction and that..
but mainly it's coming from that side...from apartment #9 nine..from this bitch hitting her kid.Now what kind of mother listens to "give itto me baby uh huh ..uh huh...all day..?it's by now whether the damn screaming kid she beats is already ruined ..cuz' the kid's been forced to hear songs not meant for children's ears ...right?"XXXX says offering me a tiny line...cuz I'm "have fits" and my 3rd stepmother ...assumes XXXX "will take responsibility -for my welfare"...which includes ME getting offered only the smallest of coke or crystal..whic half the time I PAY FOR by selling what he calls my 'scrawling"my "crazy manso called " art" that looks like a baby did it.."I snort my tiny line...and try not to let it show that I want the same amount he snorts..XXXX I know sees me thinking.not about the wisdom he is saying..but about the lines...and he grunts ..and spills me a bit more."happy now?" he says..."can I get back to what we were talking about..or are you going to start 'acting out"?
WE,usually ARE NOT talking about anything .It is most always HIMtalking..and cuz' I'm younger...I should be hearing what he says and not throwing him off track with my "Dumbo" interruptions.
"so there I work .trying to relax.smoke a bowl.Snort some  blow that  may as well be sheet rock shavings...
screaming in my head...cause back than I was only in my 20's
and I KNEW that for the rest of my life no matter what I did
I would always be in some shit apartment
somewhere.eating some variety of Dinty Moore.
and this little kid.
has the nerve to scream louder  than me?

Cause his mother is hitting him or his father is hitting him?
when all that hitting is probably gonna make the kid
NEVER be in my situation
cause kids who get beaten like that usually end
up living in places with concrete walls.
and marble floors
and good jobs and vacations...any time they want.
cause  ALL that hitting is making the kid's mind
real,real sharp and real ,real focused.and that's why I sometimes  have to hit you.
hitting someone is not bad..not really...especially when someone is young cause certain triggers can make a kid like SPLIT into pieces...their mind .so they can
function in a world with
Give it to me Baby
uh huh
with one part of their broken mind on
full alert so "give it to me baby uh huh .uh huh...won't divert their "capacities" cause the kid's mind is or was kinda' being split into yours was...that's why your good when you hook ...cuz' you're so spaced out and have that dumbo look in your eyes that makes johns feel like their fucking some kid...or something... your real spooky when you get all dazed's what I like about'sa turn on...cuz' you're not really that good looking..just good looking enough so a john can't get his dick in a twist making  physical comparisons .."

"Thanks I say"...cuz' if I am nice to him he gives me a bigger line.


I want to go back in my own room and hear Evan.
but XXXX has his legs which are muscular like not wrapped around my legs but kind of clamped on them ...just he case I tried to get out of the bed..I couldn't without
asking him to unclamp me.
I'm not saying this to make XXXX look bad.
and I realize it's better than the ropes and stuff  he used to use when I was younger.
cause supposedly "i had fits" and might hurt myself .or my sleep.


my 3rd step mom.foster mom
when she met XXXX was real taken withXXXX cuase he's handsome .and at the time when he ,than me .than he and me worked for UPS were fit...and sober..
my 3rd stepmom I heard take xxxx aside one day and tell him that I am autistic...and also have mini seizures...little tantrum where my body shakes..
and it since XXXX is doing such a good job taking care of me..
he should be aware of my "fits"
and that sometimes his fits get real bad and you must tie him to the bed so he doesn't hurt himself .or you my 3rd stepmother said literally rubbing XXXX's chest,like some***** might.
the next day a new  bed comes with four bedposts
and some 100 percent cotton fancy fancy sheets.
well first thing XXXX does is set these complicated latches and buckles around the posts that make sure these four point restraint things ,not really rope,,,but more rope-ish than rope...when your boyfriend..ties you in one leg going this way .the other leg that one arm this way the other that
"for your fits," XXXX says
I told XXXX I haven't had a fit since I was like 6 years old.
"your mother went to all this trouble..and was real concerned for your I think it would be just a nice gesture..if at least for the next few nights you were tied up.."
"No XXXX i'm not gonna be fucking tied up !"
"you're already getting angry're already having some kind of fit..."
"fuck you XXXX and I go to the bed and start taking down the  restraints.."
XXXX knocks me down and get on top of me,,,pushing his knee into my chest...
yelling ,'it took me hours to tie those things in right!"
you having a fit ...don't be ashamed..we'll just restrain you to the bed till it ends.."
I start to scream..he's older than me,stronger than all I have is screaming...
till he rips off his T -shirt and makes it into small long strips of T-shirt
which he ties around and into my mouth...
"he leaves the room and comes back .
he sits on the edge of the bed
and I hear him cutting up some lines which snorts than he take the little CD case he cut the lines on and sets it on my chest..telling me not to fight him .that ketamine is the best medicine for fits...and tells me to snort some

"can I take the t shirt out of your mouth without you screaming?" XXXX says

"you think you're the first guy my mother said I had fits and needed to be tied to a bed too idiot?"I say and XXXX slaps me in the face

"no little Dumbo..I know every guy your mother knows.. all the guys little Dumbo "had" up his bum and down his mealy mouth .I know all the guys your mum went out of her way to find to take care of her Loony Son ..I even have video disgusting little whore.." XXXX says spitting on my face than rubbing his spit all around my lips...uh oh ,he says ..looks like Dumbo is gonna have another fit...he takes the CD of Ketamine and puts in again on my chest ..takes a blow with a cut down straw and than raises the CD and Special K up to my I can snort some..

"Ketamine is for cats you know...tranquilizes cats..your ma' said it was all that calmed you down that they sprinkled it in your cereal when you were young...Your 3rd step ma said they had to give you all kinds of experimental drugs..when you were  A try to make you REACH..past your own stupid worries and thoughts to the Higher Entities.Do you know how lucky you are to be surrounded with people who want you to be able to be a vehicle.
To train your mind to let emanations in where the original soul leaves a persons body...XXXX rips me shirt open and grabs a sharpie from the side bed side table that matches the new bed frame...and draw a circle ..and next a 6 sided star.....than he draws a butter fly on my shoulder and tells me I am branded..I tell him that marker better come off.and he seems so amused I actually said anything and  he says "why would you care if it comes'd better not go taking off your shirt for someone else besides me...As if I go around taking my shirt off. all over the place ,,,.i'm thinking ..than I'm getting real pissed that maybe the sharpie marker's ink is getting into my blood. like poison..but mostly I don't know what I am thinking..and just get mad .and more angry remember other guys and  why does XXXX think he can just "do these things" and  why ALL these guys ..just thought think could do things to me, cause I look they say and smile when I shouldn't...or clam up>which they figure means something else?,so I start fiddling  around ..which he thinks is funny,
and than he uses a playing card to pour some ketamine onto the points of each triangle..and snorts...
"Don't use it all up ,give me some"I say
"See that's the spirit,"XXXX says,"that;s what we like" he says placing a nice  long line of Special K on the Swing Kids soundtrack CD
 Souls only "walk-in" when Tolls are paid
Tolls are paid with Roles other must play to
sometimes even hot coals must be placed
on vole and that's what you are Dumbo
a nice friendly tree vole..a nice little
 that acts in such a way and looks such a way
that even though a vole is vermin...a mouse..a
we don't see him like that ..we see him as a cute little
..stupid boy..and now you're my Boy
and it is my job now to held you reach to the entities
and Evolve in such a way that all souls will
walk into you,,,to either hate on you or save you
from ..little traumas your mother said you have gone through
that must be redone to you
to make you not just whole again
but integrated with the Emanations all around us
.they say the  original soul leaves when it has fulfilled what it came here to do
and our purpose to help your body be used as a vehicle for all sorts
of  purposes  but first we must help you break down all those
defenses against such inter-space,out of case for interface .

"ever see those commercial where they use dog collars and a remote to shock the pup just a little..
so the dog can learn how to be what a dog is supposed to be to his master?" XXXX says
"well they've found that people ,some people, especially autistics
who have fits can be helped by the same kinda of remote little shock sometimes..the shock is really to calm the dog down
so the dog doesn't make the master hit him......
XXXX gives me another long hit of I am half nodding off...and he takes off my pants to make me feel more comfortable and gives me water..every time I nod of he smacks me than he brings in a bottle of ammonia he has me smell so I can listen better
so in the long run,"XXXX says,placing a collar around my neck
"the pup will learn to be really whatever it's master needs him to be at any given time...and it makes the dog feel safe knowing the dog is doing some right to it's master the dog won't make the master angry..and not feed him or even kick him sometimes if you respond well enough with the collar we have something we put just one your head..with no shocks..that will help you think in a certain way and hear and see a certain way...and if your compatible with the we can put stuff inside your veins...that nobody can like that Dumbo..?

"yeah' I say asking for more ketamine

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