the sound of blue / the making and breaking of adam parker

tru Christie HEARD THE SOUND                                                                                 Adam Parker
OF A CRASH                                                                                                   HEARD the sound of  A CRASH
                                                                                                                    and rushed to his window
                                                                                                                                he saw no car                                                                                                                                crashed or otherwise
                                                                                                         the sound  of the crash
                                                                                             was the opening stanza of a new pop song

and rushed to his window                                                    coming from the radio of a baby blue jeep
he saw no car
and realized
the sound of the car crash
was simply
the opening stanza to a new pop song
from the light blue jeep
that rushed out of his line of vision
for a moment
Tru considered
how odd it was
light blue
a jeep

perhaps it was custom made                                                                        maybe it was a custom job

still watching from his window                                                           from his window he saw a man
he saw a man pushing a  child in a wheelchair                                        pushing a child in a wheelchair
 down the street                                                                                                down the street
the child was rigid contorted                                                           the child was rigid ,fixed in gaze,as
                                                                                                  if stuck inside himself
it was a sight                                                                                       Adam Parker somehow  felt
                                                                                                             nothing...but sensed disdain
                                                                                                          not empathy or kindness
                                                                                             
a Mind Picture
a picture
a strange sense
in his mind's eye
he did not want there
but it became his
a feeling came with this sense that this kind of thinking was strong.Not weak..
a feeling as if a drug of "YES" a drug of power and the feeling that came with WINNING
laid upon Adam
as if from nowhere
and the self kicking Adam did to the unwanted ,odd thought that  EMPATHY towards the child in the wheelchair
was WEAK THINKING




he would ask the building association

to look into
this child
this new addition
to the neighborhood

he would make something up if he had to ..
that the child screamed through the night

in Gary Rainy's" A Book of Promises and Demands""


.

he described

procedures that should be taken

for the better good
that this  type neither could  marry
or reproduce

the book came to him as if
by
 Muse
it was as if he was dictating
words

 

and a new religion
from a source
out there

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the thoughts of Adam Parker did not feel like his own
that was all Adam knew

it was
 as if
 some amped
up
version of his Father 's consciousness had settled upon him like some invisible cloud.
The invisible
consciousness

like some
electric field of "being" that swayed Adam to only remember
the dark


remember his father wrecking every birthday every christmas and thanksgiving with his peculiar take on politics  and the world at large...his idiotic babblings that the poor people stayed poor because They Liked Poverty.That they the vermin of society  thought it was Fun to see people working and them getting money for sitting on their asses Laughing at ...his father told him that -people like that - didn't exist before FDR and fellow faggit JFK came along making America nothing but a charitable Foundation.

.Adam ,inevitably left the dinner table afraid he might say something..and start something

adam's visits became less and less
as his father's tirades became
more and more

at his Dad's funeral
when asked to say something appropriate all Adam could come up with was "Dad was a man who believed firmly in his own beliefs.."
not a flicker of human kindness
could be segued into the introduction of Hymnals

the recent feeling
that his thoughts
seemed ?/were
not his own
was cemented
by his feeling
or lack there off
for the child in the wheelchair

maybe ,Adam Parker thought
he was burnt out..after all his livelihood depended upon empathy and study and interpretation of characters
and types
 both inside and outside himself

adam parker
was well aware of the stories  about actors crossing some psychic line when dragging the swamps of their mind for intent and causation
Method Acting had it's price

But that was not it
IT was
something else

"ya think pretty boy,,,ya think?"  Tru Christie thought at Adam Parker...who was going to either "get with The New Way" or die
trying to define it