it wouldn't have been right" he graphs, he has graphed
on more than one occasion,"to pay you
we knew what we were going to have to do to you.."

I think toward 's him, I have no choice,but I already know the answer,"Had to do for whom?"I transmit"you didn't HAVE TO do half the stuff you did to me.."

'you're The Lawnmowerman..we live in the house you mow around...that's how it is..maybe in another lifetime you'll come back and be on headset..and not have those things in your head.."

"if this is the way it's gonna be ...I wouldn't want to come back..in fact I can't wait to get out of here"

"see...it works"He graphs,"if you didn't want to terminate ,it woulda meant we were unsuccessful..but nobody is gonna know why you did it..not if you write and write and write..they'll just think one more dead artist..a dead artist with drug issues ,mental issues a movement disorder...why wouldn't he jump?"

Lately it's all  can think off.
as this never ending interface is grounds for "early retirement"it is almost beginning to seem weak not to

"your the yellow Dots the Pac Man eats. we're the Pac Man..that's how it is.."The Voice states
showing me visuals that alter the composition of my eye line into sloppy fragmented shapes and colors..i used to enjoy the Sight..but i am having so many problems besides "the Mentors"
drugs
money
court
and "things only they know I have problems with...and these problems are made so much worse and more disturbing and shameful because ya know they're being transmitted and displayed to fuck only knows.I have no way of shutting off my Brain Waves besides...."

"Klonapin...Crack ..Heroin..Sex..Traveling..c'mon Dumbo there are still reasons.."EVAN says ..

Traveling.Funny that's what I wanted
to do.
all i ever wanted to do..
move around
but I became .....stuck..I know what they do when you're alone and at your most vulnerable
Street Theater it's called in Targeted Individual circles....like The Manchurian Candidate..meets the Truman Show..but once one is aware of "it" one can't play along...and once one is aware that THIS is not insanity ,nor Possession,nor Supernatural or "aliens"there's nothing left to think about it except that it's so beyond WRONG to do to another..that one barely cares WHAT  uses it might one day serve...it's beyond intrusive ..there are simply NO WORDS for it.

"yet Dumbo writes and writes.." EVAN observes.
what else do you observe EVAN
tell them?
Let someone for once hear your side of the story...what is like to do this to another person?"

"It's FUN Dumbo..,"EVAN graphs,"Does that make me a wicked person?"If it does than I reckon i am a wicked person...will I be punished by God?I do not believe in God..We are making God right now is what i believe ...and I believe if God were to have thought things out  God would have been a wee bit more selective of whom he made..Trust me...if God believes this is wrong WHY are we getting away with it.Why am i Winning?Because maybe God is on OUR side? or whatever POWER there is in the universe.who has decided no namby pamby bullshit THIS TIME "round..."

"all hail the Trugenics Movement ...some people are a burden on us all...praise da' cause man" I graph exhausted...sick of thinking,of talking .of listening...or considering that maybe EVAN is right"

EVA   says "Honey .You ain't no angel...ok..must be real nice for ya to always have something to blame your shit on huh?Who wouldn't want to see stuff.and be taught how to Think Better and Faster..and Keener...you that's who...you g-d damn druggie ..you know how insulting that is ...do ya?..we're giving you a Theme park
.and you're
throwing it to shit man.
pull yourself outta this FAST dumbo
understand
and instead of thinkin of the movie Brainstorm
you should be thinkin bout the movie "Network" where the dude gets popped in the head...
for thinking and saying
too many
tiresome things kiddo...
or think of rock Hudson in "seconds" who got fired up
cuz he said too mant things he
WASN"T supposed to

 in fact you malcontent scumrag

I want alot
More gratitude
around here.!!!"

I feel like rolling back and forth on the floor laughing in a fetal position
when it gets THIS CLOSE
one may as well be crazy
usually they are careful
to keep some
strange algorithmic distance
unless they have Heighten my HZs to a Game Play /Role Play Level

but the drugs began fucking up the base neurals
and we couldn't do the "fun stuff"
that made this worth it..

now it's

EVAN! I want to screeeeeam
You are
a VOICE IN MY Head
presumably
put there by some company specializing in People procurement
and A.I .testing

."very bad turn deserves another?" Evan graphs



i wonder how many wrong wrong turns I made today
and what's on their "storyboard' in the next coupla days...