Sunday, January 19, 2014

Dec 8 th 2014

of course the Dr considers "my case" a rather interesting case ...
the onset of my  schizophrenia did not occur
 in my late teens and early 20's as is usual
and seems to only present
for constrained periods of time
that come and go.
...".unusual ,The doctor said  ," but certainly not evidence of a deliberate technological intervention.....
"these bouts...these hallucinations ...both aural and visual in all probability brought on by stress and unresolved childhood trauma..

but he even seems jarred at times
by what The Voices "say"
for someone who finds the "voices " so delusional and "ill" he sure spends an awful lot of time asking me "what they are saying"

I have explained
endlessly to Das Shrink-a -ling...the "voices" as he calls them
ain't quite what they seem to be but if it helps him to think of the Interface as metaphor(mental illness)that is OK with both me and EVAN..

I am just tired of trying ,not just with the Dr. but with anyone..I am beginning to feel like Kevin Mccarthy
who needs it...only in movies is "the crazy guy" who has warned the townspeople always "right" in the end..

The Dr.
what" the Voices"
or what you call the Neural Interface has been saying this week....

"often ," i explain,'there is no" saying" or talking ..
..but a condensed jist ...of what a Mandler expects from a Proxy.Or some lesson in "how to" Communicate a "New Way" with Mind to Mind synthetic telepathy

"This week EVAN has suggested our Interactions now take place at a mutually established time ...and at a place
where there is as little back round noise as possible
..he suggests I try to unclutter an entire room of all that might "set off" associations that have nothing to do with His pontifications

..I explain that EVAN has graphed that" the Television ,even when it is turned off, seems to always be waiting to rejoin or monopolize "the conversation" or my attention

 ...EVAN says the TV is like a 3rd person in our" Communion" and he finds my 'silent " interaction with the television an insult to the interface.

..the TV, he has explained has altered not just my own thinking but has placed unrealistic expectations of "a life,the life " i wish i had.
.and that ...The pace of the images is only matched by the pace of the resolutions to "life problems"

and that I have been taught by the TV that  'a quick wit"can keep relationships moving forward
and my neural responses reflect  "quick fix,quick wit" conflict resolution

  EVAN interfaces that," I treat HIM like TV...that I do not treat him as a person so much as another channel whose sole purpose is to entertain me..."

The Dr. pauses and tells me ,"that's your disease talking you know"

"it's everyone's disease  "talking"these days isn't it Doc...?"I say

"what does that mean'The Dr asks taking out his yellow pad

"fuck if I know Doc ,I only work here"I respond

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