Pretty Boy Tiger Shirt Pumpkin Spice

one of my roommates ......he's moving tables ..around...pushing back the couch

I think to ask if he needs any help

...but I know my mentors ..like want

me to start doing stuff like that

"not change the world,,,but be a better person in the world"

so ---

I don't ask if he needs help

for this reason alone

 

than I do ...

or get ready to///ask if he needs help

 anyway

but find myself asking instead why he's messing with everything?

he reminds me friends are coming over "remember FRIENDS? like REAL PEOPLE one can touch and ..."

 

I'm glad ,I think,than,I didn't ask if he needed help

 

I think about moving

 

packing .

like now

just taking my wallet...AND NEVER COMING BACK

 

 

"you need any help" I ask hoping he 'll say no

and as he already knows this, he says no..

but I move a chair any way ...as if to make some tiny meaningless gesture...to display "what a good guy I am"

 

but he knows I'm not

 

as do my Mentors

and as do I

 and now you dear reader..

as well.

.

 so as to not "put on some guise" of being "Good" some phony Visage

I kick the chair I helped  move over and go out side

and topple over the plastic ,shit junky lawnchair as well .than the junky plastic lawntable

and smoke a cigarette ..suddenly angrier

 

 that "these friends" I no longer even LIKE

and maybe never! did are trampling upon my

lifestyle

which is basically  

interfacing with "my Team:

 

dAY AND nIGHT

... as I assume I will be expected to "come down"FROM MY ROOM  and like smile and say "hey how are you and shit like that..."

I am not myself

...I am usually ..an alright enough guy

 

"ha" I HEAR tRU Christie GRAPH

 this endless

graphing ....and

peanut gallery shit about my every fucking thought is making me..

 

"Hey why'd you do that to the table"Liam says ...the door semi opened...

'why ...why...," I shout," cuz I'm crazy, man!  RIGHT....and crazy people kick over shitty, plastic lawn furniture..!"

 

 

"You"RE such an asshole...I'm glad they did this to you ' lIAM says, slamming the door

I finish my cig and go back INSIDE , trying to slam the door twice as loud AS HE DID...

 

I see the chair I helped move that I  kicked over is still laying on it's side.

I know I should pick it up...but I don't..

FOR THIS REASON

I go upstairs....and pop a bunch of benzoes

 

 

'Nice job Dumbo,a very nice reading we can show others... to really capsulize how WICKED a person you truly are...," Tru graphs

 

 

I try to recall my exact intentions.....as well as my actions

but so-----.so ------so------do not give a fuck...

besides

it's all on tape...or whatever...disks

they use to record a day in a life of" Dumbo's" brain signals...

 

"it's the Ativan making you mean NOT us"Tru Graphs..

 

so I reach into the bottle and pop 2 more

 

I wake up and hear music and laughing

and picture someone sitting on the knocked over chair..like dead in the knocked over chair

I see this bitch I used to like named Beth in the chair I didn't pick up...

in a pool of blood..

I see it vividly

 

an occipital over ride.

 

"we're just trying to be in Synch with you...help you out..."

I ignore the imagery

 

and look at my wallet...and start putting clothes in a nap sack

 

"vivvva las vegas que paso" Tru graphs..

 

"viva fuck you<" I think....and throw on a sweater ,brush my teeth...hating the sound of people laughing. Hating the sound of the music.,

hating that I have to GO DOWN there

 

I think of opening my bedroom window and crawling down .

but suddenly realize ...that thought was some how THUNK

as if I was in a different house...the window a completely different ...kind of  window..

than the window reverts to my window..

and I just have to remember for a second where I am and what I am doing

Hair Gel Tru Christie graphs

 

I walk down the steps

and hear little friendly voices

"well look who's up..look who decided to join us"

 

"Get OUT" I hear a voice ,not my own think and begin to say the words ,GGGG---"

but my speech sounds furry...sounds likes my mouth is filled with sand...
I am not really used to vocalized speech anymore...
as most of my 'talking; is done
Mind to Mind to my mentorsKiss
who really only want me to focus on THEM
and learning how to do synthetic telepathy...
remote control viewing
I am of course on the wrong side of the remote
the wrong side of the control.

I see Liam...I remember I LIKE Liam
and that he told me this party like thing ..this get together was for me
.
he told me ....days ago
it might help me snap out of it
that it would be good if I start seeing
things besides
Hallucinations all day

seeing I am getting pissed, he said
"I mean your mentors...your Tele -Operators

.
his remark about ..."my hallucinations..:
I remember and ....
I start hating him again



I wear shorts all winter long
like a lot of guys do in Memphis Ohio
.but every one is dressed up in their hipster
like way
and I feel like
telling them
None of them is fooling any one that their hip
with their hipster clothes
and I have a thought
that ,"Hey if this is a party ...where are my presents?"

who comes to a party ...with out gifts..
what they think their hipsterism is a gift to the world..


"knock over pretty boy in the T-shirt with a tiger on it's beer....and sock him in the mouth"

I bein walking over to "pretty boy" but
Beth sees the look in my face

and says

"Let's go out and have a smoke"
she dresses now in this unhipster way
which is kinda hot..
She's a Neuronaut
and prefers wearing her uniform .....
rather than what she (what WE) or what I used to also call Pedestrian clothes.
The uniform protects us from
getting too
"comfy" with Ruiners

Pretty boy is wearing a pin I notice that indicates he's also a Neuronaut
and in spite of myself I give him a little salute

Beth sees
and says,'Dont EVER do that..."she practicallyt pushes my through the kitchen into the backyard..

I see her see the table knocked over

"Swell she says....
"GET
IT
 TOOOgether ..you understand "

"fuck you  you kunt" I saw and she smacks me

"I am not ONE of THEM...you can't talk to me like that...go put on some fuckin' pants..in fact put on your uniform
'I'm not allowed ,"I say

"Yeah those benos make you look like shit.."she says

slamming the door..
like loud
a hundred million times better than I did..

"well," Tru Christie graphs,"smoke.."

I open my pack of cigs and decide not to.
....
"than go inside....we'll cool your jets...I promise"

"Cool them NNNNOW!," I graph

and I feel ...it...
I like soddenly like love everyone in the house.

"we zinged the part of your brain that releases Oxytocin"

Though I don't need to be reminded ..that my moods come and go by my tether
I don't think shut up shutting up to tru
afraid he'll uncool my jets..

'as you shhhhhhhhould be" he graphs

I graph that I don't like it when he only interfaces with visuals
he graphs me a Visual of pretty Boy Tiger shirt

"you at a party you know...I don't want you looking nuts staring at things..no one else sees it disturbs people ya' know...
you do realize your staring into space like a mental patient right now...at least SMOKE
you never know who's watching

I light a cig and quickly look up at the windows in the houses...

waiting for Tru to tell me "weeee don't dooothat"
or something
like he usually does
when I "get spoooooky"according to him

I feel a little tingle on my head and feel
awesomeness
go through me

"a ketamine SYNTH ....yum ,"I think and go back inside

in the kitchen is pretty boy tiger shirt

" why you  look Like a piece of chalk...he grabs me a beer from the fridge ..opens it and sticks it into my mouth while he holds it
moving it back and forth
in and out

till he takes it away.i go to the sink to spit out the beer

"Swallow it," he says,folding his hands

and I do

"now come into the den and TRY to ACT like a Human Being..."he says
and I follow him
he makes room for me on the couch
pats it
...I sit and he puts his arm around me


Pretty Bot Tiger Shirt  looks at his beer.
pumpkin spice
."and says ,too loud,like he's discovered the cure for cancer," KNOW what would be COOL!?"
everyone stopps talking
"If they crafted a Rosemary flavored Beer....if they infused elements of Rosemary into the hops...,"
he looks at me
and Tru graphs me a devil face
I try not to look at it
but I just know Pretty Boy Tiger Shirt knows what I just saw...
he looks at his phone

..than shows me the exact image I just saw
and says again
"Like a piece of chalk"

I go to the kitchen and look for some soda...but it's filled with beers..
my mood is Gone
I feel again like
just taking my back pack and leaving..to nowhere...to a bus station...or airport.
stupid beers with stupid names
chrismas beer.pumpkin beer.strawbeery beer...
FAG BEER
I think to myself...

for no reason...I begin to reach for a pumpkin spice beer..but the pumpkin spice beer now makes me think of  das douchebag's comment about Rosemary Infused beer
and for one quick second I want to take the bottle of pumpkin spice and hit him over the head with it.

as if Das Douchebag knows
what I'm thinking he appears behind me...
"your Adrien right,"
Das Douche says

I look at him...in the eye...he's cute...most douche bags are...or they wouldn't be douche bags to begin with

"who told you my name was Adrien"

"I know an Adrien when I see one," he says looking into my eyes

"yeah...and so do I ," I say

He looks real quick into the other room and than takes my face inhis hand..like my face is his....and shoves his mouth into mine...I like for a second than I push him off me

"I'll leave my number on the fridge,..."he says ,which my roomates have covered with little sketches I had done for them,a pen in hand Das douchebag says..."you don't mind if I write my number on "one of these" he says indicating the drawings...
before I can say anything
he writews his number real big
all over a drawing I had done ..than begins scribbling little lines and circles and xs all over the other sketches.

'you like that he says ...huh..people destroying your work?'scribbling on it...mocking it.Diminshing it?

"yeah..I think you made it look better

He smiles and like deliberately steps into my .like personal space
his face now literally up against mine...
he than moves his mouth again into mine
than down my neck
where he begins to bite..like my jugular vein

I push him off

and he reels backward knocking over a glass
"what's going on in there?..."the girl he was with says

"Broke a glass he says," he bends down to clean up the glass...and I see him deliberately cut his finger..
getting up again
he puts his blood finger
under my hair line and whispers in my ear
6-6-6
Adrien Damien Dexrer Donkey Boi
I think I love you"

his 'girlfriend comes in...asking my why I have blood all over my hairline

das douche bag says,"he was trying to cut one of the chips in his head out"

"The girl ,me and my roomates not so mutual friend says,"Oh ....you still have those same problems....do you need to go to the ...mental hospital again"

"No but loony tunme here might"I say indicating her "boyfriend"

"look what he did to his own drawings he  says quickly taking down the drawing with his phone number on it...crinkling it yp
and handing it to me...putting his finger to his lips...like a dumbass I stash the phone number in my pocket..

"ooooh...why do you do these things...Liam said the pills were fixing you.,,,so I see you've met Charlie"

"and I see I've met Tex Watson," he says,putting his arm around me ,kissing me on the top of my head.  if only to show he's taller and bigger than me"yeah me and Tex are gonna draw together"

"That;s so nice, " she says in this little girl voice,"Charlie is a really good painter..."

"I am," Das Douchebag says,"And Tex...,: he says into my ear <:I KNOW HOW to color within THE LINES....," as if I'm not there....,"he tells her ,"Tex is a pretty good artist..or could be...if he knew when TO STOP! and knew how to stay within THE LINES"

""we all must KNOW how to stay within the lines ," she says,like in this serious voice,her expression completely different,and I watch Charlie shrug and swig down his pumpkin spice