stop using
the Mandlers graph
-
but it wasn't always this way
-
years ago
6 years ago
they demanded I use
and not only to understand
the signals that -optogenics and neural prostheics
work
and in which order
etc
so folks didn't have to take chemicals
-
not to mention the neuromorphic models of brain emulation --
and stuff I don't understand
me not having the IQ of -rocket scientists
-but to cover my tracks
and thus thers

(at this moment I am being shown what appears to be a baby chick or baby something with a straw or line going through it
-
an Exorcist reference
..
(marked for death ..
-
but I am a grown man

- is there some little Dumbo
in a petri dish
- made from some used cum rag
being destroyed right now
for some future testing
to see
how I would have Turing-ed out if not raised by
THEM
-
well -some good came out of this
didn't it..
--
and I wait for some holographic sight of some smiley face
-but nothing from Mandles
- usually I get something for some Brighton ,Wallace idea
they can use
..but not this time

I try to think of what I was thinking before to not be in synch with my wards
-
a few minutes ago I threw up again ..
in the little waste basket
after snorting a bmething something
-
theres so much stuff around
I barely remember what line is what
-
(inhaler was the point ...Augustine HCL --i'm supposed to be -selling ..
or was that 2 weeks ago..
-
I am not really angry ...at my team

is whats odd

//
last wek they sent me a story to beat all stories
that blew me away

--which I am not sure I am allowed to tell..
and they had to ...bring me down ...
safely
(sorta')
to take it all in..

-
they are disappointed in me
big time
and to tell the truth
I am disappointed in myself
-
for the first time in for a long time -I am without investment in caring..
as I realize ..
this
whatever they have planned (?)
is done...
all the hi jinx ...the trumpeting is
over the top
and so fast and blatant
it is knowing in it's arrogance ...
celebrtory in our complete immersion in Immersive reality
-I turned off
-----

in my mind I pray to a higher Up There beyond
satlilite fights
and wirelss weapons
...and covert technologies
that make all I and other "TIs" sound crazy

-
only aliens can save us
only a real God
not folks
who can mimic such things...

- but such intervention would be dangerous\

- how could all this stuff I write of be created without
a thought about something beyond power and greed and ideal life forms
-
why the need to create an example of vermin
which I represent
or was meant to
-
why did I go along with it?
and next back out...

--I don't care if I Belong
maybe all I really do want is to be high
...
maybe it's true they really did this AGAIN to me
to save me from wanting to always be high
-
but there are always 15 reasons behind what they do
-
the image I am shown is no longer the chick with a straw through it

but something abstract that changes

JIMMY! this is happening in real TIME
we don't understand it anymore than you do

but this isn't true

in moments I brought back to the "kill yourself as soon a spossible stuff..or we will hurt u in ways u cant afford to think about "

NO
I wANT to get HIGH...higher and higher
I want you to make me higher and higher

-
-------------------------------------

but they want to know -what will you do
what will you think
towards the ether when we skin you alive ?

-
at the moment I think I will think of a amazing joy to zing through all the world
not as I did before the world splitting in two

-

So it IS working Mister Bloom !

---
YES!
YES !
I graph
hoping my neurals are placed on sustain

so when it happens
-they will never see IT coming