I've Just Seen a Face (Across The Universe)

I think of the women I used to date and wonder what they'd think of me now.having to do this whole gay thing on top of everything else.

Even in this whittled down state i know some things you can't bring up...but lately ..i just can't keep my mouth shut..because It all means so much to them. And I mean nothing .Guy who finds himself slapping himself - ain't right in not just the head...but everything else..

I try to calm down...now this writing is about occupying  myself -nothing else..I wonder what made me think about dating..certainly not this...I don't like watching TV anymore..i cannot relate to action...to wanting something...to having a goal...in fact nothing drives me more crazy then Mandlers lately then TV...because it's all about NOT people sitting around hearing and seeing things nobody else does. It makes me think back to times i had friends .Went out to dinner ..went camping ..did stuff..now i am this thing...6 years ...the art was one thing.I hated every fuckin moment doing it...felt nothing..art ran in my family...I did some in high school then went blinkie during sophmore years..out of nowhere..not hearing voices ..but something could have bbeen direct energy in retrospect...but in a way - it's as unreal as it is to anyone but he people working full time hiding it...