I pause and make a "Mad " magazine gesture - spastic- grotesque...a sickening -almost inhuman sound to go with the grimace and distention of my already distended back limbs arms..dystonic..
I have never even seen this kind of 'Weirdo ' like sicken gesture portrayed in film ...(perhaps in an old MGM version of Lunatic Asylum) it -goes- with the WORK....i don't even feel ashamed..
I feel so ugly...and want to Howl ..
there are really no words for how absolutely -ill- one becomes being torn apart not just mentally but physically
and photos do not capture properly the horror of it...the way you become what you are seen as already by your examineers..
you are the same stink of a dirty rat in pissed stained cage ..wet...
pieces of sedmients of something you can't quite tell on it's hair..
you want to rub it off you