in the last 6/7 years I have been un able to do much of anything
the initiated crash in Los Angeles preceded by my having to seek alternative housing after the "crash " of 2008 was still not -fixed_ financially..
having the rug pulled out from under me in L.A. couldn't have happened at a worse time- and the humiliation of it- after years of it already was too much to build something from.
the dystonic tightening of my back ,limbs...etc..was already in play at making it very difficult to both move, socialize...think...this "mild" movement disorder" was always on my mind- always something I felt and tried to think...IT was what i tried to -run away - from daily...
and
now this.
in 2011.
I think of this now because - as I have stated -in the last fe days - much of the "tether" is about
'what Could Have Benn -If Only - i was more robust- ..if I was a Better Person...all around
-
it didn't have to be this way
-anything could have happened..
- it is all my fault