red grass and green ducks

Gloria didn't want to be called mom ever..
somehow I knew  Gloria was part of the Mills.the same company my "dad'  worked for...but her work was to be at home and teach me.
we worked
mainly with clay...to provide what Gloria called "Weighted" definitions
 for what was what in the world
and she said nothing in the world did not have weight

if it had no weight
it was not a word.or a thing.
Gloria said words meant nothing
but as a "cheap device" to MAKE someone see the world and things in this world
WRONGLY

  Gloria said I was lucky I would be ALLOWED to THINK RIGHTLY of things.
since I wasn't sent to a school that was only there to destroy
what she called Attenuated Thought

. Gloria told me she had to use "some words" to introduce SIGHT into my mind because
I was not yet developed enough to be able to
grasp Gloria's ideas
mind to mind
 Gloria would tell me what the first part of the thought must be and than slowly add more Mind Pictures depending if she sensed I had "set the stage " for further "Attenuations "
Gloria told me she could "tell" if I would be lying if I did not come up with what she called the inner picture she was placing inside me.
Blue  Sky Green Ducks .upside down  orange farmhouse and red grass.
I would think these thinks...
and Gloria would usually grab my arm real hard and squeeze it ..very hard..telling me she knew how I was seeing it..
I was seeing it like how a baby .a Ruiner might draw these things on a piece of white paper
and that was not something I "might think I could get away with"
Gloria was usually right how I pictured these things..
which was why we used clay .
Gloria said the Clay would help me get rid of childlike thought pictures.that had no perspectives or  footing
meaning that if another person wanted to come inside my head an BE in the Blue Sky green duck state of mind with me
they would not be forced to flatten their bodies like stick figures ...like little photos..
to join me their and how sick I was ..really not caring that I was thinking up mutual ground that would force others to think of themselves as flattened.
sometime Gloria would take out a phone book if she suspected I was thinking in flat ways about the images she asked me to think about as rounded ..or square...and dimensionally.
and hit my hand with it..
and say she would flatten my hand with the phone book ..and than a hammer so it would be as flat as my thoughts of what "hand" meant in one's Inner vision.

I was to always touch the clay and model it in my hands to only think in terms of every single thing in my mind had weight..
that nobody could enter someone's mind with out feeling they were free falling if a sense of weight was in the thought...
if I asked if the sky had weight and the air had weight she would say shy was white weight air was white weight that used other parts of the mind that I was crazy to believe I would or could ever expect to reach to without first mastering not thinking in flatness.
"who are you to even think you can think of sky and air..when you cannot even visual a ball or a cube without my sensing only the flatness of your inner being.
I should have known I'd get one of these Gloria would say to Parry at dinner making a horrible face ay me..
he thinks like a little girly boy does about masculine mind architecture.
he thinks like a little boy who wants paper dollies in his head..
all flat paper dollies.
so maybe until he can think in substance of man...and in cube-ness of squares.he should wear little dolly girl clothes. Because only little girls think flat things
parry would ask if I want to be called Denise instead of Denny?
and asked what other girl things might me feel more comfortable since It seemed I was not a boy at all..
"I did think in terms of weight ...I did make the barn have four sides."

Parry asked Gloria if she had seen the upside down orange barn at that after noon's class as I had said..

"For one fleeting moment he might have held that picture in his mind ..but when he did all the ducks were now missing and the sky and the red grass."

and Gloria was right. I didn't know how she knew but it was true.
and for the next 3 days they dressed me in girl boy clothes...dresses...and a bow in my hair..
it was one of the few times Gloria took me for a walk around the block of the neighborhood..holding my hand like she liked me...she waited till mid afternoon when all the kids were coming home from school..
and they saw..

but in the days that followed she also saw the upside down orange barn house was 3 dimensional ,with all the  green ducks,red grass and sky
so nobody coming into my mind's eye would be flattened or floating away with no ground to walk on that had no weight.