Monday, May 18, 2015


XXXX and Liam are concerned,also the other roommates  earlier They knocked on my door .The
...or what XXXX calls "the girls"- because this make the women roommates angry .Both GIRLS
 bring me fancy cupcakes-2 of them
and these cupcakes  are like 7 dollars a piece. Or even more..serious EIGHT dollars!
they do not taste like they should be 7 or 8 dollars a piece!
Also! they are SMALL but  besides this fact
I eat one
than once the women/ girls leave
I  sorta' flatten the other left over cupcake  with my palm if to teach the cupcake a lesson that it is small and not so good to be worth 7 dollars.

why...why dear reader
Dumbo! reader?
because I hear and see things and dream and feel things all day and night long and YOU should be happy
that is all I do
destructive wise.smash fancy man cupcakes
cuz' you sure as hell seen ------whether you think you know it or NOT!
what some folks "app-ed" as Proxy---------- do to their fellow man
when pushed to damn far !
later in the day.XXXXX bounces into my roon

all the roomates are upset cuz' I have taken to wanting to sleep through the days ..
to never want to be fully awake no more

and no dumb reader this isn't depression dummy

..It's called being
 tired of being Mandled

of course I no longer want to wake be someone's fuckin' science project.
can't believe I made it this far

XXXX sees the semi-smashed cupcake and says "why'd you go and do that?"
acting all like he's my dad or something..
..telling me everyone is concerned that I am popping ativans and Xanax like crazy to sleep all the time..
and that it is 'just plain wrong " 
                      to sleep through my "sessions" with my Tele-Operators
which always makes matter worse when I calm down and get on with it..

I am eager to explain to XXXXX that it occurred to me who they expect me to "take this like"

  " Darren Stevens " (Darren 1 or 2)
yeah to be their Darren Stevens to their Bewitched shit
George Jetsons to Mr .Spacely?
Fred Flintstone to Mr. Slate?

even now all the husbands on tv are a bunch of knobs for their wives to put down..ever notice?
the women are so much brighter..

you kidding me...

If my wife in a cartoon or otherwise made me look like some dimwit day after day..
I would send her str8 to the moon even If I had to tie her to some damn self built rocket I had to make myself..

this me and XXXX agree on..
my 2nd stepmother treats XXXX like a Darren Stevens
and  I know what he'd like to do with her..

give a woman some power and there is this reptilian like part of their mind that kicks in that makes them all but grow scales..Gary Rainy wrote in one of the earlier copies of "Beyond the Enway"

Gary rainy said ---------ONLY THESE DAYS
do women  laugh at men behind our backs ,; Gary says ,
"know why--------------------------- because TV has given them permission to act like this...
Gary Rainy says women ..predisposition and ..genetically wise wish for the days when men were men and grabbed them by their throats
 back to their caves
as theirs
GR says
 the "Motherment" saw fit to take that  away..from MEN...their Manliness...and that the Motherment ,as GR called "it"--secretly LLLLLLLLLLLoved the women's lib movement so men would be weak and easy to control by the Motherment..
all men stripped of their inherit predisposition  masculinity..
and the Enway has been paying for this ever since!

that's probably how they make some of the Proxy's killers,I think,trying to calm down..sorta ' for once wishing Evan Rainy was OT-ing me to settle down thoughts to less angry thought s which may or may not be misread by researchers..
who very much take all thoughts like that very very seriously

I think to anyone reading my Neural Transcripts!!!!!

cuz' think about it would you rather be Darren Stevens the rest of your life on the otherside of an unwanted interface

or go "Taxi Diver "
on the streets?

what if these two things were your only option?

like in a "Saw" movie?

they don't deal well with anything NOT Darren Stevens like
the problem...
hence the threats -that "in real time" one of their Gang Stalkin' buddies..the Gas Light Community Choir .who somehow manage to be everywhere I go..

it's their job to be street theater..
road signs

always something there to remind Thee..

..drug me with something
like before
that made me.."go off...and inevitably land in jail again
 for "doing some assaultive batteries..'
or worse some assaulted batteries are done to THEM
usually by "my team" that enjoys letting me know
 they KNOW I am tethered
"app-ed"and thus know the errors of my wavelengths
                  they know I tried thinking the purina cat chow jingles (one and 2) to my manders for an entire 5 hours while I began trying to paint again
they don't want me painting.  not the Old Way.(the only way I ever made money besides hooking)
but only via Merge Bio Tech

"isn't it odd..that cheap cupcakes taste better than cupcakes made for rich people?"I say to XXXX,"The people who created all those chemicals to put in food knew what they were doing to make food taste better..or they would NOT HAVE INVENTED THEM."I say to change the subject. And because maybe it's true..

and because lately I just want to think away and away from my interface to things that mean nothing...

I have a small white paper plate that I use to make little "pictures" with both the cupcake dough and the icing...XXXX walked in on me doing a second picture...after shaking everything around...the icing is now useless as a tool...

"This is a great way to handle it ..."XXXX says,meaning my "Mandling:"look at yourself..have you even shaved today?"

"No XXXX I have not shaved today nor yesterday. And maybe I will never shave ever again...and I am not going to Las Vegas..and
.if I do
 I will stay in the man's hotel room and play with food just like this
 and pretend I can't speak...or maybe when he touches me
 I will scream and scream and scream like I should have when he or someone like him did stuff to me when I was little.."

"we've explained why they had to do stuff to you when you were little...HOW MANY TIMES!...and these are not the same men...they're just men who KNOW about you..and have the right to enjoy you..because they finance you AND ME by the way..not that you care about real things LIKE MONEY..'

"Enjoy me? I seem they recall how old I am NOW."I ask

"To them you will always be "the kid"..because they know.and have seen the movies and pictures and can think of you STILL like that..besides .all you have to do is lay there...that's mainly all you do me me I KNOW,"XXXX says.

"I can't keep going on with this interface's driving me nuts...and IT'S BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBORING!."I tell XXXX,"The Las Vegas shit fine...but not this.."

"Do you have a plan?"XXXX asks,knowing ther's only one way out of the interface.

"why the fuck would I tell you if I have a plan ?"I say making the paper plate folded.

"you're talking like this because of how many pills you're taking usually you rathe renjoy it..."XXXX says

"No..No I don't ever enjoy it..I have no choice is all....but if I have no choice I want them to get the most horrible ..listless,  disturbed  read they can get..." and with that I open up the closed ,folded plate and put the pieces of cupcake on my head and than smash the bits of cupcake into my hair.."

XXXX looks at me.."Ah so Dumbo is gonna "play crazy" again..good plan...always works for you doesn't it..?where do you end up when you continue on this path?"

"I know where I end up ..and I don't care.."

"You don't care if me and your mum 302 you?XXXX says starting to press buttons on his phone

"I have to be a threat to myself or others," I say,"DICK"

and with that XXXX takes out a little pocket knife and takes a jab at his bicep..a little bit of blood runs down it..

"OOOOOOOOOOOOw Dumbo..stopppp!," he screams throwing the knife on the floor.One of the female roommate knocks hard on the door..

"are you OK XXXX?," she yells.

"well," XXXX asks me ,"are we ok with this?"Am I OK Dumbo"

"I'm OK .You're Ok" I say.

"everything's fine ," XXXX says, picking up the knife and bring it close to my eye.."Now clean that cupcake out of your hair...and go shave...and hand over..all the pills so you DON"T KEEP RUINING everything..that SHIT you're no good for's not fair to you or them or all of us who support's mean spirited..and not what anybody excepts from you..OK?Let's hope it's just the benzoes that are making you.this stupid..cause it's not only your life you're putting on the line?"

"HEEEEEY XXXXX! spare me the rebop OK...they have thousands of us typing the same damn story..tons of us living with wards/handles..noooobody gives a shit...what one Proxy says...nothing matters...that I do..or say ..or haven't you noticed.."

'Now Dumbo..that''s on eof the very FIRST adult things I have ever heard you say...for that I will buy you an entire package  of the cheap prefer.." XXXX says

"and soda"I say

"and soda"XXXX says

I sit there watching the Roadrunner being Chased across the wall by Wile E, Coyote
the special wall in my room my Mandlers said I should always keep Clear-no nothing
other little picture appear. And I help change some of the pics..
and soon me and Evan have a wordless interface of us both constructing this pretty elaborate mural of
like Egyptians as like Warner Brothers might "think " Egyptians  creating this huge huge huge mountain of cheap cupcakes ...brighter than any 7 dollar cupcake can or ever will be...

Liam knocks on the door..

"You want company?'he asks

"I have all the company I need"I say to Liam ,still hating Evan..who  never the less weaves in  a smile face that is the basis for the sun in behind the giant multicolored cupcake 6 feet high..Evan doesn't seem to care if I get..what he calls...
or even respondent  and therefore respectful ...
and even lets me seethe a little at the
Evan has being somehow happy I just said something kinda' mean to Liam..

I get up to go to Liam and say 'sorry" for snapping..

"Fuck Liam!" Evan graphs still as the sun smiling behind the giant cupcake
"Liam doesn't know what you go through or WHY some weeks you pop pills to sleep all day and try to block US does he...ONLY we and YOU know how difficult this is

"don't get me sucked in,"I graph...getting up to walk to Liam's room

and suddenly the cupcake crumbles and little insects are in it and snales and the sky Evan and I "painting with our minds is blood red..

"you ruin everything.ALWAYS." Evan graphs....

"you aren't real EVAN," I graph and feel pain go down my arm.

"Not real?REALER THAN REAL is more like it..go..go see.fuckin' liam..I don't want to play with you anymore anyway.."Evan graphs and now I see nothing but the white wall and hear nothing but my own dumb thoughts of if I should wash the cupcake out of my hair before visiting Liam's bit's of tiny cupcakes pieces don't get in his room?

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