It took 4 years since I've been back..to realize that they didn't just try.
but they did kill me in some way.
..not in the usual way but in a very unusual way...they ripped my mind apart.
..it was all set up..and ready to go before I even moved to Los Angeles
was lured back their ..some talk about me writing some children's book and trying to adapt it to film..
helped me get a decent apartment in Sherman Oaks..nice to me at firsr
but than it changed
they wanted Pay back from over a decade before
.when I refused to do what I was told
suck old men off in the industry.
.lie around in a shit hotel and just snort crank and Be there...for them when they needed something to do..someone to do
1993- I was told I was born to be this
why you think that guy brought you to California and left you with us? you damn idiot.
where do you have to go back to?
..the movie industry the guy told me is connected to all kinds of agencies..so you have to brought up a certain way to even fuck ..with these types of men who were agency types.
.of a different kind..
scary guys
who put a gun in your mouth
I didn't know I was brought up the way I was..just for this
..just to be some whore who snorted coke and let guys shove anything into me.
.made pliable trash around for important people who could act like pigs..
they knew we "guys" raised a certain way were safe.
.wouldn't talk...cause we were raised on fear.
.but I just couldn't do it right ..suck an old guys dick or even guys just a little bit and act like yeah this is all good
all the easy life.i had moved from Philly to get away from that kinda' life.
..I had my own ideas.
.to draw ..to do something..try to maybe be a cartoon animator
I had moved there with a boyfriend.
who wanted to be in the sun..under palm trees.
so we could both stop using and doing what we had to do to get by...and clean up our acts.
that
at least was the story he told me
he left me with these guys..didn't say anything but.
STAY.
like I was a dog.
don't TRY TO LEAVE
I stuck around scared to go would draw little pictures
when I could but the drugs made you sorta fade away.
so I stopped doing them with them.
there were a bunch of us around the same age.
they reported "it" to them I was not playing the part
doing dope being friendly.
acting like I liked fucking for some money and some new clothes..
and that all was taken as me being 'too good for "it".
.they hated me in such away than.
and let it be known how much..it was 1994 when they hit me with something I didn't know existed
Voice to Skull Technologu
.when I couldn't Be this THING supposedly a lot of hard work went into making me -
a scumbag with no nothing in me..to say stop.get off me.
.i want out..
i did get out with out realizing who I had gotten away from
from people who had tech to make you hear things
why would I?
I didn't know these were people you don't ask to get away from.
.the might have acted like pigs in bed
but once they put on their suits they were- the men in suits..who could do things to you..if they wanted to hurt you.
..how far they'd go?..and what kind of weird stuff they had at their disposal was news to me.
.until they used it on me.
.i was only 23 the first time..i never expected there to be a second time..the first time ..it was just sound ..the second time..it was under my skin ..in my eyes ..in my very soul.now
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