how do i explain the oddest part of the 'monkey trial 'without sounding like a spastic nutcase
i cannot .
and this you see -is the point ..
but maybe not -this part
of all the entries i have attempted to write let alone post
(half of the posts i make are either deleted or saved
it may be my 'job' to serve as - man in pillory -post - as to work
but in quite a specific way
the truth is -how would i know/
i just work here
work here in my very own nervous-system
-i have very little to lose
more and more i welcome death
a man is not meant to be man-ed by another
for any reason whatsoever
and because I am man-ed
and want out
i care less and less how i treat 'the physical plant'
which is me
and my lungs..teeth..gums
which are being compromised daily by my need to be as removed from this experiment as possible
and theinevitability of the type of physical distress of above all the unique pain of dental problems
even more than complcations of the lungs
causes me anxiety
but unfortunately not the type of panic i might be able to tap into to jump off a bridge
anticaption of a host of health complications that i might not have been party to
if it were not for Mandlers..
a better man would not have relapsed to his worst self
in spite of his being used a might a lab rat for brain research
but so much of 'Better Man ' qualities have gone out the same window i shall soon enough
if I have the sense beofre it is too late
and I am sequestered to some hosptal bed barely alive ..with half diseased lungs..cancer of the throat..
being kept alive
by insurance companies while the damn Mandlers discover how one copes cognitively and emotional and homeostasis wise
as is the point of Cradle to Grave Testing