A Sour Patch in Westworld

a bit of time ago
- and it's hard to remember-
certain peculiar events that happen when screens are telling us second to second
what is
Trending
a young actress.
took to ether
and began spouting off about damn near everything "What's On Your Mind " style for days
-
she posted bizarre videos of herself in a most unflattering light
-
it was as if she was having a seizure of some kind
hypergraphia (an almost uncontrollable urge /need to write)
is a side effect of many seizure disorders
-many people with a certain type of seizure disorder can also not refrain from speaking
(some time ago a certain actor began speaking as if he was 2 and a half men in one)
-
both of these incidents were blamed on drugs
-having a few substance "mishaps"overindulging in a wide number of -chemical conundrums
I have yet to come across a drug that causes these -issues
-in fact the brain nor body cannot tolerate substances that cause personality changes
to such extremes for more than a few days
the system literally crashes..
this is in fact why most of the drug testing in the days of Cold War "MK Ultra" folded..
- replaced entirely by the mid 1970's by
alternative "medicine"
that -worked around-the overstimulation of synapses ..by pharmacological chemical agents
in terms of neuro modulation that could be -sustained
-indefinitely

Christmas Story

The Mandlers don't like me
They want me dead.
I want me dead.
I write things I never have before.
I know as much about -this - as I did when it began..

I am human trash to them
the drugs I suck on make me gag.make my palate crack..
but so does the EMF or whatever they use to do these things
and things
..
24 hours a day .
but the drugs ..make you STOP ..think about what you are -doing
what u are writing.
-
It wasn't supposed to be written like -this..
and THIS is my fault.
..
but I think it is also -my cause
to write it
Two..three ..four ways
..
to make people think -or at least make me think about
the
.reason-for stories..
.? The reason so many stories are on the TV ..
and just who

or what ..
-
If you believe me at all
believe THIS
-
what is feeding TV writers..young adult writers -the stories
they (we) tell you?..

I am not a good man
or a bad man ..but not an Everyman either
I was raised only to do what I am doing ..
to "go" with the presumed technological advances -or not ..
I am not sure ..
the "programs" some kids all over the place were(are) in seemed to start and stop ..
and than begin again ..
bits and pieces of what came before -the stuff -change agents- make sure is presented as
conspiracy theory ..
"I Twas Raised to be but a Puppet Sex Slave for the Prime Minister's Hybrid Alien Cousin "
and shite such as Dis.
..it all be a bit true and a wee bit more fabricated to seem as Mini Series as possible
and this is not good..
and because I won't "do it" -write like that-
to me ( who don't matter to "Mandlers"
is (to me ) the ONLY good thing about me

Losing it..
In Real Life.In Real Time
-We needed help.We needed it last week and last months and years ago.

This posting and posting and posting was making me feel sick inside.

It was getting nobody who was targeted anywhere.I don't even think they posting worked anymore as some type of exhaust fan

  In fact the posting of -things not allowed to be shared -made things worse

I think more and more of doing myself in

I obviously did something so wrong..so unforgivable concerning "The Project"

-the drugs..the street drugs I turn to every few months to keep me in some how removed from this abuse

inevitable make things worse.

The more sections I add to "the account" that focus on Child Raising to induce trauma 

and set reference points in terms of retrieval memory studies 

only diminish my attempts to explain the -day to day hardship of being used as might a mechanism 

-not a man

in time one begins blaming nearly everything on the testing 

takes no accounting of what could have been done otherwise when is convinced -or has been convinced that everything in a Targeted Individual's life had been done only as it suited -the testing..

So much time had been spent I that small ,small room being told over and over about details over your childhood nobody could have known nor should have known.

Weeping for hours as one was forced to consider "all of them" who raised you hurt you,did things to you only so you mind would be molded into the ideal specimen for this type of mind science that needed black and white ,very high neural spikes , very low

All those weeks I was afraid to speak of any of this to anyone

-where now I wonder would I have even begun-

When I speak of hearing Voices I minimize the "communion"

you feel the Presence,as if it were inside you

as if it possessed you 

and knew you in ways you would not dare let yourself know yourself..

Today,I am left with the remains of myself both offline with it and next on

Filled problems  and anxieties not worthy of it's time 

-years wasted fumbling around trying to explain it ..

Years wasted unable to engage with the world so that I might have some piece of it

Lost friends ,family members ,acquaintances unable to bear -over and over -the words that would 

come streaming from my mouth insinuating I didn't matter ,They did' matter Nothing in the world mattered but this A.I. and the testing decades ago that branded it's concubine 's lives too "go with it's projected needs"

We who have been part of this need something  I don't know what?

To make things right?

To make up for it?

A chemical cocktail of endless sleep-

Euthanasia ? 

Someone to stand up and say -yes ,we did this -it is done 

Maybe. I am over -re-acting .Maybe this time I don'y care much to ween off of. anything that 

allowed me to whine on ..

that something that coveted their tracks and covered my bases..

for their is a new hostility in me  that maybe is the result of too many years being too close too long 

near an intelligence that feels nothing ,regrets nothing and swallows all new information -good ,bad ,I different -as. fuel

Can you dear reader imagine living with a person whose every waking hour ,every sleeping night 

is with A.I. one cannot turn off ..that is man-ex by people whose job it is to see how you see hear how you hear study how both go together?

Can you dear reader imagine that of course the person or persons doesn't believe you (what difference does it genuinely make )

but tip toes around the fact - or fallacy 

MEHR CAT (Pellet policing)

A Proxy used a human junk
as Free Moving animals
every few years,every few months
and to be honest - lately - every few days
becomes very suseptable to treating themselves ,their bodies and minds as little else but
what those who have been encouraged to use people as device for every kind of testing imaginable
consider tham
Trash ,object ,vessel,husk ,object-thing
3days ..so far in bed -drinking lots of fluid -taking the types of meds used in the many detoxes I have had to go to'safely" ween off the "field work" many a Proxy is encouraged to do
And Actually DOEs long after their belief in the MEHR CAT simulation
is but a pre-emptec Pre-Neural Firing in their skulls
skulls that have been aquisitioned
for a host of Brain Research Projects

Why? Why go along with the absolutely implausible Proxy Patrol
"Under cover"variation of Community Policing that(? Requires) a human organism doused with
bio tech that enables their minds to act as audio and video recorder
for Mentors who need a "half man - half Droid" in the street filling up his cell phone with 'Food Pellet" distributors
and his body as well with these "food pellets"
-that in fact serve as reasons the Proxy often does anything at all..
Really ,in a way it as much the Proxy's fault
for conveying to his or her wards that whatever impedance
Once drove them to write in the hypergraphic style (aided by the directed Direct Energy to heighten areas of the brain -Broca's Are ) to seemingly be shouting to fuk only knows "help, help ,help "
-someone put bio tech in my noggin and I can't give ou". - trying to explain this in a manner that doesn't come across as a 19 year old 'C" student in a required  Creative Writing class polishing off some assignment -possibly stoned out his mind-

Really -it is the Proxy's faoult for transmitting (thinking) to his or her "BrainLink"
nothing whatsoever is being accomplished by this "Enforced Narrative "
that more and more requires the Proxy hold back information that might embarrass themselves
and much more importantly -the Program
-the ends justifying the means*
of the human lab rat using enothing at their disposal
to make their body(and themselves) a -host-
so defiant in their thinking or actions-for the good of all concerned he be retired from his duties as human car
-
The fact that such actions ( to Mandlers) if anything only Prove the Proxy is -disturbed enough-to require -bi-directional guiding -
and because of their "breach"of "conduct"
in terms of having the audacity and plasticity to discuss 'in vivo "actions that have nothing whatsoever to with anything but an attempt of the subject to slander the project
instead of the Proxy being released  from Remote Neural Monitoring in fact
he told that -once again -he has proven -to "the firm"he cannot be left to his own devices
as devices -he or may not have in fact used- to sever his applicability as a manned man
demonstrate the subjects lacks something in himself that is capable of self censor ..
the Proxy
Being forced (once again  )to consider it is He and not "Them"responsible for his ongoing fate
less than willingly dons his hoodie and beat up "licks" and starts knocking  on doors of ex-users
-he has lost his phone and all the numbers in it
to partaek of 'food pellet"..
next it off to the bodegas to "ask for stem" ..buy copper pan cleaner  (sans llaced in soap//not the wire that is but corded plastic masqerading as copper wire one needs to properely -or in my case -always -improperly braid into fitler )
Improperly -because as soon as I get my MEHR CAT "on" so excited to puff in just a hint of something something that will make him forget even if only for a half a minute
his every thought ,dream memory,Mind's Eye visualization is sent floating through the ether to Proxy Cyber to be decoded as fast as fast faster nad fastest all woven into one can be
to be bombarded with sound ,images and a strange type of unsaid 'unspoken'ideation
that either goes or is spefically meant not to go withcognitive and /or emotiona; state --

for days or for weeks..or months the Proxy 'plays" (and never very well) the Field Rep for Proxy Cyber
his mind now focused away from anything but Food Pellet
..yet he realizes more and more what these "Food Pellets" really mean to Proxy Cy
---a means of making all he says,does claims only the bellow of some random drug addict.
--
But the pellets also serve the Proxy's own needs
at least in the beginning fortifying his will to discuss details of the Program
he himself would never dare mention
pertaining to the manner in which he was raised to be -clipped - enough - in developmental
phases of chldhood congruities as to make him this vehicle that is so easy to drive
strange,odd things ..he once thought of as coincidental
but according to others who claim they themselevs are Targeted Individuals
each of these incidents
occured to those allotted a life only in as much as it serves Human Ecology
in or around the same date
year
Time
as his own
from the 'fiddle about" with the babysitter's Boyfriend" to the
Yellow School bus -last on the bus -deep sleep that had them spend a cold or hot night all alone in the bus yard -age 4 to the other
odd indidents age 6.age 7.age 8 and onward..
that the pills i have taken to knock me out --enough to not _participate in Food Pellet
"policing" 

mixed messages

what happens
what happens with the food pellets
is one reaches a point in these equivalent of Reach Tests they do with mice
is one's throat,one's lungs and one's mouth  ,tongue etc
reach a point of no return
especially because so many of the pellets have been addendum-ed  with various toxins
to foster an early demise
-
do not think the mouse is unaware of this
but in fact -especially when one of the 5 pellets actually does in the immediacy
of daily "dailies" for the umpteenth number of corporations etc
that not only need to study -end of life variables that include the respiratory system
luckily various bio sensors can distinguish in terms of damage chemical agents ,additives
that include condensed versions of many ingredients that rely very little on the specifics
of a drug addict daily dosage of ingredients that have nothing to do with variables that have anything to do with their demographic
-
oddly the human subject -on his last leg - because he or she has chosen
to speak about aspects of the testing that concern he or she very little but the manner in which semiotics
and direct neural interface  (A.I. ) effects (and will effect) both future consumers
and future targets
in spite of the damage to their nervous system seeking pellets..
(the one in 5) that might give them the needed ?courage --or at the very least focus
to keep going sharing information that has absolutely nothing but an Advanced Technology Demonstration as it concerns "usual suspect" being gradually destroyed by Active Denial Weapons
that require the type narrative that is personalized to the extent one's written documentation
be it as story or journal cannot be based up second hand information
on both the subject  of Direct Energy Weapons or Psychophysics Technology that has been processed except as -hopefully-insight of such based on the use of both upon the individual

-
therefore the inclusion of my use  of "food pellets" to not simply deal with my situation being  a test subject
has not just been added to deliberately off set specifically the over lap/over ride of my perceptions to suggest my account of signal aimed at my auditory and visual cortex is but drug induced hallucinations
(as I admit I often hope the presumed reader will presume as to ruin my service  as Target Practice)
but moreso-recently to actually -help the cause-
by admitting I actually feel I need the onset of respiratory malfunction to
give me (the weakling 'vermin'  lowest common denominator in the gene pool
impetuous to excuse myself from the population with seppuku like nationalism


because -and this I feel is important to be in keeping - infact going beyond -the call of duty- to
represent the lowest common denominator
I have a magnified fear of pain -that will inevitably be part and parcel of
my degenrate use of anything and everything to deal with my use as Targeted Individual
-
weakness...an unrobust masculine nature..a person who is only a Burden to Society
who cannot handle the normal -prolonging of life strategies
being kept alive by the magnificent pharmacueticals ..and endless medical capacities to keep alive
a person
-I -Weido-
cannot even percieve of properly
-and I -Weirdo- who lacks the gumption ,maniless and wherewithal -without
"point of nowehre ' gum problems ,toothproblems ,lung problems caused by his reliance on
drugs to give him the -false heo-icism- to
write against this technology
I do believe only HELPS not takes away from duty to be the specific type of Victim
you wanted and manufactured

the prior post which leads into the Key entry
that may raise eyebrows concerning raised eyebrows
concerning my "delusional" argument I believe in a Power Greater than A.I.
that I first and Foremost take orders from
-because I have written this entry
essentially quashes that premise
-serving YOU and not me -at all

Non-invasive cell type selective in vivo monitoring of sulfide resistance dynamics :

the days are kinda like divided into  day after
complicated -story based - run downs transmitted upon my noggin and ten mile rafdius
settle down boy ..heel ..stazy - PROCESS
over the next few days or hours
sometimes weeks
before whatever "limited series " Big Picture " pictures and auditory  data
I am to gauge
and ponder
until a particular 'Muralsit " /mandler is brought back in
to pick up where they left off
usually
inevitably a take on me tied to some Moral Quandry like rail road tracks
with only my feedback
( and my morals and ethics I  am afraid -quiote afraid - become LESS rather than more
to these big ideas my 'Teams" take way .way serious)

as DO I'm afraid the more mundane
What Will Dumbo Do Next
in terms of LOW FINANCE to
GET BY or GET OVER (it seems ) concerning a garden variety drug habit
that the Mandlers do so feed
by placing various Pretty Boy /Tiger Shirt Male Hustlers
in my path
They are as much Game Pierces from Pierced Homes
as I am
but more the type who WOULD turn their eyelids inside out at

--
get it? the alpha male
and me
the guy who is actually happy to wear  a Picture Day -nice shirt - On Picture Day

-
the drugs
are my Food Pellets
to keep me
running through the mazes
and really having any interaction
whatsoever
that is not electronically
transmitted to the bio tech
(nano particles that simply allow my brain signals to be heightened enough that a num,ber of radio telemetric ..apparatus ..can lock on to the sugnal as to send the signal to bew decoded..
boring shit
 i won't waste your time with
science -ie stuff ..like how does a TV work...

any way


between the big Mini Series like  bullshit
that I swear is based on The Kabbal  ,Scientology and  several shitty made for TV movies
dealing with the occult
back when there were only  3 channels
..

i am not say ing the various 'movers and and shaekrs " around my TMZ are neccesarily hired hands of
Proxy Cyber
to distribute
my Food Pe;llets
...as most of the behavioral Science is based upon
unscripted human behavior
--
which unfortunately is about tinkering with the drugs
( giving me shit instead of shine -o -la)
so Dumbo -after basically poisoning himself
so -the good stuff- is sold
to 'The Cool Kids"
--
often i have to make 3 drug runs ..
to get even the smallest piece of rock that even tasteds like cocaine..


but THIS is my JOB
being basically 'Job" in the piece..
and sort of -the part- I am not supposed to write about _


now one must keep in mind
the money i use to play Monkey in the Piddle of this mind fuck
i reckon the Strategic Press Word Press Union of Conspiracy Theory International
wants -action figures- to call MK Ultra
is nopt Monopoly money but REAL MONEY
I 'Earned" during a particularly nasty rundown
that concerned a What Would You Do
sale of priceless Pez Dispensers
my grandfather left me
to discover how human monkey processed worth vs. the expediance of ready cash

and keep in my my lungs
with act as a sort of organic atmsophere to test bio sensrtos capacity to relay bio Data
in vivo
that has nothing to do with decoded though but  peptides,oxygen levels ..etc..
consumer upcoming -sales of such nano particlesd to quantify inslinin levels and so forth

-
fuck only knows what garbage is placed in these granulated
bits of smokable Food pellet
I go through like Minecraft falling off some castle rock
(OLOE)
to get to a piece of white substance that has any coke in it whatsoever

*

hy didnt you just let me have a puppy?
and Evan -who at least is funny unlike the ones who are so damn serious...
starts thinking to me little voices of me thinking and talking to puppies.
I'd rather remember you with a dildo up your ass.

boy ..did i get in-trouble with that one ...i didnt quite know what was going on with the warning outside the "toy shop" i was totally wacked on heroin and thus disinhibited..and ju8st got back from L.A. to you know return to basically being a drug addict ..which is why I MOVED to L.A.or more so lured their ..to be tortured ...well some guy ..like army guy says 'Don't Do it" ..
I'm like how'd he know i came upon this dildo I had bought for a friend of friends birth dsy like years ago...well I see it in the closet and i'm like hmmm.. who doesnt like a bit of fun up the old bunghole every now and again ?...and like i said i'm wacked oin everything since returning from L.A. because -as i guess i mentioned once or twice ...they spiked my brain somehow with chips or something for this 'military operation " which i guess has to do with writing ..-but for how much fucking longer..any way
i see the dildo and walk down to the adu;lt book store to buy some lube
...and outside the book store this army dude says "don't do it"
..well --I'm like surely he aint talking to me..how'd he know I wanted to shove a plastic dick up my bum''
with this "gangstalkjing yoiu never know ..not really if it's "them" talking to you or just coincidence..
so i ignore it..
only a mad man believes in gamngstalkiong street theater according to shrinks ...and Wiki and the news
so ...
i buy the lube and go home and just say
Tommy can You Feel Me.
Lisa. Dan ..Lance and the entire UCLA neural computational lab ..I mean what the hell do i care?
Army ,Marines, CIA...whatever...you shouyldn't be puppeting my ass to begin with without expecting a bit of clean up ..
you gonna kill me ..go ahead man..

fun ,fun,fun

Shane smiled at the photgraphs of Darlene whose once beautiful face thanks to the Direct Energy aimed at the house she won in the settlement was swollen twice it's normal size due to the disturbance of the ions in cerrbellum. Shane sometimes followered her areound to the endless doctors appointments with neurologists ,phlebptomists, allergists to find out what had gon e wrong.It was she who had gone wrong. She who had cheated on him.She who had brought this upon herself.
Sometimes Shane took photos of her going on quicker and quicker trips to the market ,her face now masked in giant sunglasses,a floppy hat tilted downward.But still you could see it.That's most of all what Shane wanted -for all to see it. He cared little about the other things the private security firm he had hired to use it's Non Lethals on what Shane more and more thought of his ex -wife -the enemy . An enemy who had always used her looks as type of weapons of mass manipulation .
And she knew she was beautiful. She had never been the type to shrug it off like so many of the women Shane knew.It wasn" tlike she was arrogant about her appearance but it wasn't like she was one of those always seeming so surprised someone noticed.
The men from Proxy Cyber Shane met with twice a week to discuss Darlene's "case" seemed offended that Shane didn't much care about all the other 'wild " things they were doing to her with microwaves that effected her thinking and sleeping and making her hallucinate.
It was the damage to her face they guaranteed him was temporary (what did he care if it was temporary) that made Shane willing to pay the huge amount of money to watch Darlene fall to pieces.
Often the Face is used as "a keyboard"
The Facial nerves in particular are used to terrify the Target..as these nerves can be "hit" with extreme low frequency and microwave to cause visible disfigurement .

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Jim Bloom
31 mins · 




Twelve Types of Cranial Nerves and Functions
Olfactory I: This sensory cranial nerve located in olfactory bulb of brain and has olfactory receptors for sense of smell.
Optic Nerve II: This sensory cranial nerve leads from eyes to thalamus. It is responsible for sense of sight of retina.
Oculomotor Nerve III: This motor nerve arise from midbrain and leads to eye muscles (including eyelids and lens) and pupil. This nerve is associated with eye movement and pupil constriction.
T...
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The Reigns (THIS IS NEURONAUTICS!)
" Human Rights Watch: "Ukraine, Syria: Incendiary Weapons ... www.bemagazine.org › human-rights-wa... Nov 15, 2014 -  ( Human  Right...
MEMPHISOHIO.BLOGSPOT.COM|BY JIM BLOOM
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Jim Bloom
42 mins · 




Dr. Upton June noticed that the patient's affect when manipulated by the electrical shock that excited the eighth nerve responsible for smiling was in a dystonic state of rigidity that mental patient could not control the neural correlates in spite of the subject's mood was nonetheless stimulated .When the patient was forced to see his temporarily disfigured face by an nurse to attempt to modulate the patient's sense of self as it related to the facenused as a bridle to that rewarded the subject by alleviating the pressure and thus distortion of their features when asked to react to visual and aural communication based on desired outcome Upton realized the nervous system could be used to condition a patient away from anti social behavior. The notion that physical appearance was the least important factor of cybernetic theory as it applied to the human organism had been mistakenly minimized by other's in the fi
eld.

The Sons of Israel

He had come back from L.A to the same Philadelphia
After checking into a motel near the airport
And rolled a fresh condom over his his fingers squirted a bit of lube on it and as he was told to - shovehis fingers    up his bum
The Mnadlers wanted him to get used to being fucked
according to his team it was part of his job to get fucked
He felt like what the company always wanted him to feel -strange and perverted
He called EVAN
"You want me to do this,really?"
"Yes we. Want you. To do this really"EVAN said
"On one conditions,..you watch ..so we'll both be it together feeling strange and perverted  //
, you had  better ,Evan said
"Have you ever been fucked by a guy".  He asked EVAN ///
"A camp counselor when I was 5
Me too said the man in the hotel room "//don't call
It

//  //-  meaning the post
The sons of Israel

Pace vs Cole .L . Cohen

As so much of the training had to do with Denny learning to do drugs
he assumed his spying -when he somehow managed to let himself buy these simulations if only for the time presented
He let his mind consider that his work might have to with catching drug dealers
after all his eyes ,ears and thoughts were "app-ed" permutably for good reason
but it wasn't long before realized that all his team wanted him to do was appear to be always drugged out reeking of smoke stimulants to attract those familiar with the look and fragrance of Bum
to begin asking him if he was "Holding"
Mandlers encouraged him to pass on small packs of product
deliberately tampered with to have little to with stimulation but hallucinations
that more often than not required they be hospitalized
In the hospitals it was -the job- of various "Behaviorists" to take advantage  of the now documented
Thought Disorder by making the Crisis into something chronic

Ou would be amazed how very much Denny Pace was indeed lying to himself about how being -part of a group really meant to just one of many hundreds of thousands in the USA raised A Boy Named
 Sue   style
and equally amazed how the qualities  of human empathy so common in hypersensitive children

who had been bullied ,abused and marginalized came in handy to Denny Pace handling the 2 or three New Way men who would need constant looking after in the weeks ,months -years to come

Denny took-advantage
 of  his victim-ish childhood and early adulthood writing online of his targeting by The Big Bad Men in Black Slacks he with the help of Art Dealer Reggie Gaskill had carefully taught him to denounce off handedly in painting after painter
His only problem was they had also hired 3  ( and God knew how many others) to their own account of Memfis Ohio
and one by one Denny decided he would take care of any born in the same "Cluster Puck " of Swirling Vermin trying to corner what Denny long ago decided was  to be his and his alone .

They began setting Denny up with all matter of Alpha Males
That according to his Set Piece ,Piece by Piece childhood
he would now doubt long for
Forever some puppy like Sal Mineo to not only a James Dean by moreso to a strong Female lead who need only bat an eyelash in his direction to fill up his always empty  tank with Belonging
It had taken Denny years to understand what his entire childhood had been literally orchestrated to steep in him so deep these reaction
Deeper than the deep he was synthesized to feel in his riskless tisk  task explaining the bio tech and synthetic telepathy
for some time had understood was his job
But not this part.
Because this part had to do with all of us ingrained -stylized parentage aside- to not only long for Dean /Woods  like hierarchy
but be satiated by it's Top Down effect.

Crawl

There are entire notebooks that pertain to how  I  conduct myself  in this room
As it concerns taking whatever is in the plasticine
I write this now
Because I had assumed it was I who had let the team down
By -starting up-again
But it seems my bigger mistake is writing of them at all
But than again
The tone of the interface is so great
I search for pieces of information I was always confused about
And how my revealing them may or may not either save my life or end it faster
I cannot any longer censor anything because I need to at least have my crimes
Somehow understood -just by me-to absorb them
The way I am meant to
So much work was put into -fragmenting-everything
I don't understand ..and I must ..what I did to make them hate me

these particular Tests ..
Only-re-imagined as test
I used to hate them
Now it is all look forward to
I know the "team" especially likes me  ..
according to my profile
Of wanting so much to be a part of a group
I would do anything
Of my self loathing of being autistic
-slow-differ t -awkward
I would do anything to be part of
(So many times I have tried correction g the proof they had that THIS means more to me than anything
Primarily based on my T.V Watching
My disinterest in "A boys night Out " a Road Trip ..a Bar Crawl
is evidence of Envy
Or long I for such things
My avoidance of such things is taken for Fear of such things
The response -so pleasant-from the A.?i. Is that this is natural
and I have nothing to be ashamed of
sometime into the nonstop rundowns you ,in spite of yourself begin to Role P,ay whatever suit is fitted upon your being

 There are entire notebooks that pertain to how  I  conduct myself especially as it concerns
my willingness to "Play Ball"
to be part of renditions that expect me to believe I am being -trained-to be -a
Spy
When my read concerning g "the necessary" work I master to go "deep undercover"
elicited a signal that indicated I found the very idea laughable
A kind but terse Operating Tele-Presense
Reminded  me I was raised purposely to be bookish and socially inept
so I would not stick out lime a sore thumb while. My true purpose was revealed
Of course the OT explain ed you do not see yourself as One of US
but what really made Denny luang was what they wanted hi. To do to be an "I the rational Man of Mystery "

Become a junkie

July 18

The perpetual 8 year old being asked to turn his eyelids over
Was me being eged on to use ..like a man

Irregardless of what was in the drugs
Irregardless of whatever toxins were I. The
The drug testing required the effects be studies without a second chemical.
All it often takes one puff to understand that the smoked  stimulant were laced
No Matter
You get through it
You have us to help you
No matter that the Mandler's idea of help
was take advantage of the stimulant
That was obviously and pulse.y veered so far from stimulant to hallucinogenic that of course he would pop an Ativan

 That's When   . The hate for him as Proxy began getting personal

Mind Mapping Redundancy and Cynicism

I focus on the Denny Pace
Of it all
The skittish weak one
and try to understand
why he obeyed for so long
certainly according to the files I read before shredding the files
he understood enough of what was being done aside from the Happy Talk
of the brain entrainment to understand -A Netter Man - augmented toward mind decoding g would have killed himself years ago
Between renditions meant to I tangle him in reason after reason the testing was being do e
According to his Neural Reads  he understood very clearly the Main.Reason his mind was being mined was so types lime him could be identified in only minutes by common place surveillance methods regarding response to a  pop a Urban Lifestyle billboard.


I focus  on Denny Pace
Who like all Proxy had their mind modulated to a Hz ,pulse and frequency to cause aspects of hypergraphia
the Imbue of data to instill a heightened sense of importance and the need to "spread the word' of the so many words ,ideas and he was expected to process
unfortunately did not and could not  stop well after the interfaced information he was
Given ended
As the excitation of neurons needed for this 'project" continued well after the  remote kindling required to duel  the part's of Denny Pace's brain responsible for speech stayed lit  for hours after 'his team' of neural engineers
and although Denny was told he was not to write without his Me tors steering content
there was little else Denny found he could do ,nor think about
More often than not Denny's thoughts were against the "Manders"
but even more than that his mind still heightened his thoughts he been instructed not to let turn inwards
turned outward at his surroundings
and toward Ben one of many me. he had heard were called Handlers
And more and more towards the odd terms of his arrangement to be little more than a disc player.
His team had explained to him his time away. from the keyboard was to glean as much as could from the T. V might help him u understand some of  the realities of Everyday Living
As for partaking of these Every Day Livings he watched on the screen
Denny was told that  as the testing took place. As he became more familiar with the standardized role place and recurring relational and conversational models of TV
Proxy Cyber would begin introducing him to variations of types his neural reads found most interesting.
Likewise the ever running A.I. System that gauged his vexations and misunderstanding of social conversational models of behavior would begin to effect changes in his day to day interaction with those in and around his neighborhood.
Denny was told and to,d often that his participation in the New Way would many who were autistic learn  how one,even lime himself could  learn to adapt to the complexities and subtleties of community

Emminations

A better man would have known what to say and not to say
always I am told about these better men
In this program nobody knows is going on
told day and night and night and day by "men and women" or simulations of both or either ..
Or by what they call Operating Tele -Presence
real people who can decode my thoughts and see what I see and hear second to second
Becuase I do not SEE the OTs except as they present upon my sight
they make a big effort to let me know with sound and feeling and these sights only I hear
usually done with simulation of controller that listens in and talks back with sound and image and feeling to what I think ,say and do is now being performed by real people
who according to the OTs are rarely called in
Because they hate the stink of vermin
even if the stink is just the brain signals that register as smell
back when the "teams' did this every few hours to see if I could tell the difference between simulated. Voices and real ones that bypass my ears
they would say Human Vermin like you smell of piss and vomit and dirty clothes
always somehow making me think of all these bad smells
and for doing this the OTs would either make me feel real ,real good somehow with whatever they use to make my head tingle and mood change or very,very bad
Now when the OTs say they've been forced to deal with me Direct Neural Interface for something wrong I wrote in one of my notebooks
they send my visuals of their noses like cartoons with cloths lines clamps on them
while yelling it won't matter if the sick retarded monkey tries throwing his feces
with either his transmitted sense of smell
or mind's eye angry thoughts
in spite of serious retaliation he cannot always hold back
The fact he cannot Holdback according to the OTs AND the A?I? Is proof he is Unresolvable in terms of his thought map and Thought Style
and for centuries Perverted Vermin aimed their brain signals at those in the species they wanted to bring down to their level telepathically
And this genuine telepathic behavior had and has nothing to do with biotech
in fact people who are Lessors need to be "app-ed" with Merge
so finally and for once and all time lessors would stop causing most all the troubles in the world from earthquakes to slip and falls and all these things ingrained in all Lessors whether they want to believe it or not
I tried moving out of here I don't like how Ben touches me all the time
even though my team says I should be happy I have anything to offer a Bettor.
when I think bad things about Ben my team graphs that one day my accumulated evil thoughts about the man who feeds me ,gives me a place to stay listens to my whine about "The Voices"will be sent all my decoded thoughts about him along with a metal stick and a tiny sharp scalpel to offer Proxy Cyber a Pain Reading for it's library of Neural Data and for that recieve a new type of younger ,handsome-er.Denny Pace incapable of transmitting their evil ,hateful Eminations at everyone including God who the Lessors made sure would have to never ever listen to normal people pray because Lessors bombarded God's mind with their stink and bitterness

The Human Use of Humans (2)

Why does a man like this -a man lime Denny Pace 's story need to be told at all?
Why not as Proxy Cyber requests let types used only so we may once and for all never have to concern ourselves with those in the gene pool and those responsible for heiring specific types of offspring who offer nothing to the proceedings but their burdensome needs that detract from those amongst us whose very genetic qualities and brain map offer so much to The New Way.
Is it because I am sentimental that I discuss the trials and tribulations of one such as Denny Pace to Old Way Conspiracy Theory trope that manufactured adages proclaiming "All Men are Created Equal"only as a means of social control to keep those un robust in their Physique and Psychogenics to at least feel their kind mattered except as 'spare parts" and biosignal based objectifies as to best seek similar redundancies as well as their worth as mechanism to help provide visual ,auditory and gait shaping correlations for those in the robotic's field that required a wide demographic to develope neurochips that most suited artificial life forms that even in their most dis affective state still give more to the New Way than Denny Pace nor the unfortunate Layla Pace cajoled by various Change Agents to provide Proxy Cyber the needed ectoplasm to begin forging the world in an image which requires that we view the time in between as merely recipe .Merely a drawing board A garbage pail of  false starts and stops .Therefore why do I think it my duty to attempt to humanize Denny Pace who was born only as Human Research? I do this because I predict others will one day attempt to humanize these creatures who we have carefully been tasked with removing from the gene pool as something to be romanticized or cherished or even brought back 
(2)
Notebook 52
There was no where for the guy to go
No other "habitat" for the studies .
There was not meant to be .
So much of the research required a sameness and repetition
any new variable had to added to the subject's parameters at the researcher's request
never the subjects
Many times in the past the subject had tried escaping from the many "handlers"who acted as much as possible as social equivalents or friends ,loves ..confidants..
only to find himself in a town,in a hotel or motel pre-emptied ,prescribed - pre -booked
to remind him where ever he found himself he would find -only this -only them
as if to remind him that as quotianted as his hallow "home" was in terms of anything but behavioral research inevitably
It was Better Than This
not in terms of the better or worse
of the new circumstances
Denny constantly sought in spite of the expected challeneges to his rather limited understanding of the world
often in terms of what expects to find in residences in fact created for those without means
to find or main them
Denny however would never quite learn if he could adjust to whatever he would have to forfeit in terms of comfort
to start living with others and in places not only created and manged and populated by people only meant to act as stimulus and semiotic representation
for each time and always wherever Denny did go
the People or semblances of such were there.
making a point of letting him know
"He had tried and failed.to understand ..It would always be like this .."
Placed Variable that surrounded the Hostel,Greyhound Station motel or shelter that at the time (and many times to come)

Cole L. Cohen -The Memfis Ohio City Paper

I compromise
Or they do
but not before they surmised
That I was going to cut my calf
Rather than shave my head
-I'm THAT vain is the jist..and something that will be weaved into my night terror
and some such shit
I call a bud who stays up late and always has the poison
I swear there's not a hint of cocaine in it
But there's something in it that makes you cagey and paranoid
And therefore more often than not
Kinda have to buy a bag of Diesel to go with it
..
That crack literally tastes lime poison
This town is lousy with lousy drugs
but what else is Proxy supposed to do
..me and my buddy surmise maybe the shit we smoke is speed
but it's probably just poison ..
but it does do something to you
..
Mandlers hate when u smoke weed
All we're gonna cut your fuckin ears off..than your nose..than remove your eyes
..crack even when it has a hint of coke in it is fine
In fact encouraged
Heroin ..oh boy
You get hell for that
but you say fuck you Mandlers
On that one
And trust me you learned your lesson about weaning off it
They tossed me I. A god damn rehab
 last year ..but I swear some spook - pal-ed up lime a dealer put glass (and we're not talking crystal ) in the bag
To teach me some lesson
All Mandlers do is teach you lessons
And guess who had to pay for the damn rehab
Cuz my  associates' i.e family members
Types TOOk me to fancy place cuz I was too sick to say
No..
Yeah I had to pay that damn place
and u wouldn't believe how much
I ran off after 5 days
they called it goj g AWOL
That's what the little tag on my cloths I picked up like a week later said AWOL
what a racket ..rehab
what a bunch of ..

Well
..some how I began writing the wrong stuff
And Mandlers are lime THIS iS why you need to THINK
And not just do ,say or write or draw or do anything you want
I don't draw or paint any more
..
The best painting I ever did in my opinion was basically my last
Stupidly I wrote the words "Comcast Cares " in it
and right after that
I was invited back to L.A..
It's ok to write this ..know why? Because it is self agrandizei g
and people hate that
In fact it makes whatever I say seem even more unbelievable cuz
Of the "what makes u so importnat people would target u factor"

There's like so e theorem or something to predictive behavior of would be readers of my
Look what USA did to me
USA so tuff
So mean
mean enuf to come to your country and kill your babies and rape your women
and put naked men in pyramids

..that stuff wasn't leaked man
if it was all the TV stations and magazines that printed those images
Couldn't
..
So what they fuck is going on here..
When USA wants everyone to know how brutal..and monsters we are
While showing all it's own citizens those dumb ass Sonic commercial for hamburgers more poisonous than this crack

the smoked stimulant tests are actually remnants of the MERH CAT days when I believed  (or was lead to believe) the Brain Computer Interface was 'gifted" upon me because I was being trained to be a spy .

Before you judge me that only an idiot would be sucked into such a belief system you must realize that not only is one suddenly made aware their thoughts are being answered back in real time by a voice not their own is quite desperate to believe this intrusion is based on something worthy of such intrusion in the first place.

Upon hearing a voice not based upon either one's thought style nor the 'sound' of one's inner monologue one naturally assumes one is being recorded by either listening devices or cameras or both .

No. I did not tear apart the walls ,lamps ,lights and so forth as one sees many a person in such arrears does in films and television

but I assume i did appear as frantic and panicked  as one usually does not see except as depicted on TV 

and of course this reaction was also both maximized and tempered by my assumption I was  being viewed and indeed scrutinized by people who had spoken to me in a most unsual way that seemed to bypass my ears entirely 

certainly i thought this could not really be happening 

i had neither done a drug or drink to encourage such hallucinations 

Nor had I prayed to something or someone above the clouds nor beneath the ground to entice such a talking to 

but talked it did 

nonstop in fact 

and although I covered my ears

the sound of what ,of whom 

I did not know and still cannot be sure of 

was unstoppable 

brand

i start to write of suicide
my thoughts of such
once again -according to Mandlers - the wrong way

that has nothing to do with the torture
except in a indirect way
and the point of so very much of this document has to do with the torment of psychophysical weapons
being the reason i kill myself
not something as -mundane- as the cumulative effects of substance abuse
-that may or may not be
(a) why i write of visual and aural hallucinations
and the psychotic sense of being manipulated by a 'hidden hand"
in essense spoiling the attempt to circumvent  Active Denial esoteric
mind weapons
via a never ending account of my circumstances by way of  a variation of Enforced Writing
-
maybe this alone however once and for portrays me as the type of human scum
weirdo reprobate un american freak who deserves to be but an online representation of Slow Kill
extermination
at this point I have little idea of what was expected of me
-
who on earth wants to
be a poster boy for Weirdo
unless of course it helps them sell their art..
and that dear weirdo I admit I willingly went along with
I am no hero
-just a guy who was trying to pay the rent
little did I know exactly what I was getting into
agreeing to the backstory created for me
in an attempt to "make me a brand"back in the late 1990's

cradle to Grave

how do i explain the oddest part of the 'monkey  trial 'without sounding like a spastic nutcase

i cannot .

and this you see -is the point ..

but maybe not -this part 

-

of all the entries i have attempted to write let alone post 

(half of the posts i make are either deleted or saved 

..

it may be my 'job' to serve as - man in pillory -post - as to work 

but in quite a specific way

the truth is -how would i know/

i just work here

work here in my very own nervous-system

-i have very little to lose 

more and more i welcome death 

a man is not meant to be man-ed by another 

for any reason whatsoever 

-

and because I am man-ed

and want out 

i care less and less how i treat 'the physical plant'

which is me 

-

and my lungs..teeth..gums 

which are being compromised daily by my need to be as removed from this experiment as possible

and theinevitability of the type of physical distress of above all the unique pain of dental problems 

even more than complcations of the lungs 

causes me anxiety

but unfortunately not the type of panic i might be able to tap into to jump off a bridge 

but enuf...

anticaption of a host of health complications that i might not have been party to 

if it were not for Mandlers..

a better man would not have relapsed to his worst self 

in spite of his being used a might a lab rat  for brain research

but so much of 'Better Man ' qualities have gone out the same window i shall soon enough

if I have the sense beofre it is too late 

and I am sequestered to some hosptal bed barely alive ..with half diseased lungs..cancer of the throat..

being kept alive 

by insurance companies while the damn Mandlers discover how one copes cognitively and emotional and homeostasis wise 

as is the point of Cradle to Grave Testing     

-

Existenz

It is important for a Proxy to little by little begin relying more and more on aspects of their daily existence that have absolutely nothing to do with Existenz like chatter box
chip stuff that is taken as only psychosis by the reader ..who is/ was either too lazy or too nice to lend and ear ,eye or "like" to a Targeted Individual who (believe it or not) at one time never spoke of things like
Mandling,Gangstalking and issues ( or should I say non -issues-to anyone ) not targeted
-Important for a human test subject / victim of these unseen weapons that zing thru the ether like so much wireless
to set certain records straight
that have nothing to do with their use as Advance Technology Demonstration

and be aware
when a "Proxy" goes astray in this manner it means the subject
realizes his gig is up
..not that is wasn't as soon as the -tether began -but perhaps much sooner than either he or his "Mandlers"expected

Schadenfreude (the apartment song)

As much as I am told.
I am told nothing.further more .i am not.or was not to attempt to piece parts of
What is happening.or what has happened together
It this makes no sense to you
( as it is supposed to..make no sense to you ..what I write..or why I write it.let alone what it means
except -if even that matters ( if does ..or at least did years ago)
but manly ..so at - the peak of my -account-the reaction to bat sht crazy concerning a person talking about /posting about neuroweapons
as it all pies to evoked response' from would be concerned citizens
could be quantified in Real Time
I too would have (would I have ,I am not sure) un -friended a person (or persona ) that ranted daily ,hourly ...second to second about being injured
tormented
abused by advanced technologies
nobody has heard about
at least after the novelty of another "losing it "online ..making a spectacle of themselves
had passed.
Everybody according to quantified studies of human behavior as it relates to electronic social media
enjoys a bit of the old Schadenfreude
but the side effect of a person being smite by "magical " weapons that perturb neural function 
that concerns hypergraphia ..
manic behavior that especially effects speech and of course writing.
and therefore -posting
while Schadenfreude,the base enjoyment of another's trials and tribulations might be "fun" 
a line is drawn as the afflicted lines ones social media scroll with -lunacy 

I type now to not defend but admit the Weiro inside me 
not just for endless interrogations or sounds or the transmit ance of emotion to make me go back to the scene in my mind that either triggered by the weirdo the tes muses to give me feedback ..or just an avalanche of cruelty 
But so if I meet God or whatever is out there I can reveal these things upfront 
without humiliation 
I don't know if I believe in god ..as this puffy bearded face i cloud but I believe in something greater than technology that does this to a person ..be it secretly
Out INTHE open
On enemies
Criminology 
Or an consumers l
While I realize that there is no wat this tech would be used like this on others if the tech was understood and released to the public 
I certainly see how it could be used very BADLTY 
Than again to Mandlers  AM a very Bad sick disgusting   perverted person 
and I feel this about myself to the bone 
My team has all the data 
I don't care if they release it -my secrets what I did why I did what I did thru abpnd during the link
One day they might when times change and you 
And anyone read it 
Why am I doing what I am doing now?
because iy is important to note .stone coldsober
things are quite as they -often worse- when I 
Go out when I use 
I am still weird I and still 
Targeted for mockery 
And threats that I hope never come true
As these threats and promises what will happen to me 
When I least se it coming
Cut ears cut eyes ..
doesn't nor did seem part of game 
After all real people
man the screen ,read the de offering 
Watch vital signs and trascripting signal the account for sight 
I imagine -to best be in the moment-the use of phone calls ,letters,video footage from mac machine to lamppost ,,
and grow bared 
And grow agressive