SincesheputmedownIdoitinmyhead

2 days before any visitation day weekend
Layla Pace would begin thinking of the image and voice of her ex husband Patrick Pace,
who seemed to make a point of exiting his car on purpose when there was no such need
to retrieve their son Denny
Layla couldn't help but wonder
If her ex did this purposely
texposing his visual visage to Layla and yelling "well hello Denny" to their son although
It must have been obvious that Layla had went to extremes to choreograph the exchange
of " ownership " of Denny
to be as hand's off
"Non lethal"
as possible
Layla had made a point a of keeping herself. And also her voice
out her husband's sight line
Her voice out of the exchange
Layla going as far having Denny outside the door
up to 15 minutes before her ex husband's arrival.

(2)
Layla watching,waiting for the Patrick's arrival through a window in the foyer. Feeling absurd..And Denny ,who was diagnosed as autistic at age 4 and a half was like a mood ring
Like an amplification of her own
Feelings
Layla sometimes thought
Denny seems to reflect rather than quite processing whatever emotions were occurring around him.
Sometimes Layla thought if she didn't know any better ,she might think Denny mirrored another's emotions on purpose to make other's uncomfortable .Layla could not help but wonder if the teachers and students at Denny's school felt this way.But this feeling was overcome by a type of self reprisal of "what kind of mother thinks this way.I am a horrible person'.These feelings
used to be evoked potential for Layla to hug Denny
who hated being hugged.And rightly hated it more,Layla thought when the hugs came as a type of outward demonstration and declaration that she could rise above and thus negate any feelings not in keeping with "what a mother should think and feel".
Layla had some time ago stopped reacting to her own inner monologue .as touching or hugging that came from this place
Denny somehow knew came from th wrong place
Almost the opposite of tenderness.Denny had even made brief eye contact with her during these "displays of public correction".

(3)

Patrick was coming this weekend.
And as always just the knowing of the scene that would occur and the thoughts with them tried to sidestep her anxieties. Layla told herself she would drop the letter "P" from Patrick's name at least Mind's Eye style
Atrick,she would retrain her mind to think of him as .
As yet her mind had no visual or aural associations with the name Atrick because such a name such a word did not exist.
Layla had read something in one of Atrick's Neuronautics books when Patrick had first joined the group.The organization.

The Answer

Was the name of the 3 Day seminar Atrick 's new job at Proxy Cyber had required Atrick
and all new employees to attend and pay for to "teach an employee leadership through what the the group's founder Gary Rainy called
"Re Attentuation Skills.
which according to Gary Rainy
required a "complete de patterning " of old thinking.

Psychic Driving,Atrick had called the cornerstone to the mentor /mentee required courses Atrick was
"Encouraged"
to take and pay for at the local Neuronautic's Annex.
This was back when Atrick didn't find Layla what Gary Rainy called a "Depressive Oppresive" and wanted Layla to also experience "The Answer"
Layla went to "The Answer" seminar

Wanting some of "what Atrick had" or at least to get an idea of what had Atrick

(4)

The seminar wasn't held at the Annex downtown but a at a rented hotel banquet hall near the Memphis Ohio airport.
The hall was cleared of all furniture including chairs
The Resolvable
as they were referred to by the 12 or so men and women in "a take" on British Royal Army
Drag
Became larger figures than they seemed to become even more larger than life
not only because "the Resolvables" were forced to sit on the floor
but also because the "Resolvables" were asked to wear XXL brite orange T Shirts over their "street clothes"
On the hideous orange T Shorts the corporate logo .The symbol Neuronautics used .A take on an hour glass.
Asked to ,Layla had thought wasn't quite the term.
The men in uniform made a point of slamming the doors hard when the 9 am program
Began and next standing in front of the doors with no trace of humor to their cross armed stand of blocking the doors.
The first thing the group was asked to do was stand on their one leg with their arms out spread
"Not for as long as you can" the speaker said but as long as you am"
The sentence made no sense Layla had thought
Thinking it was amusing that the speaker spoke so similarly to the way Gary Rainy wrote
"Am. Am. Am. Am. " the speaker said
And paused
Making a loud disappointed sign
Louder the speaker said
"Am.Am.Am .Am"
Layla guessed one of the door blockers began chanting "Am.Am .Am .Am"
To get the entire room chanting the same
Next

"I. I. I. I."
"You.You You You."
Layla heard the some of the people put their arms down
And than a loud "hey life is not about as long as I can but as long as I am..you can do it .We can help"
The speaker said
"You can do it .We can help.You can do it we can help .you can do it we can help"
Until the whole room repeated and repeated
One leg
The next leg
Arms out
Brief relax
Arms out
Layla felt the cloth go over her head before she saw nothing
For a brief moment Layla thought amused .A black cloth bag over my head
.Thos nasty orange T Shirt
What must me look like to THEM.

Layla tried to remove the sack from her head
And assumed others did as well
When she heard the speaker and the door blockers yell
"You can do it we can help. You can do it we can help.you can do it we can help"
Layla felt behind her a man or woman going through the lines of people .Layla 's hands not knowing quite what to do with the sack on her head .
It was as if taking it off her head now was about
"Not what you can but what you am" Layla heard a kind voice say behind her touching her shoulder.