why you reading that guy? why you reading bout' those targeted individuals you get riled up...you start identifying yourself as a victim what does The Enways give back?what you hand it..what you think it..."The Secret' was about the Enway...the "Secret" is basically what Neuronautics is about
someone basically took what Gary Rainy was trying to say
STOLE what Gary Rainy's message was if you ask me
and wrote "Inway to the Enway" for girls..
for women...Women who scorn Neuronautics
unless it's packaged
like some puff piece.." XXXX says
Angry that I brought my Ipad down to the kitchen
because we're supposed to EAT together ..DINNER
so I don't smoke crack and stuff...
Yeah...some counselor at Neuronautics said to XXXX 'all he needs is structure
somehow this means chewing on food together..
since it's cereal
I don't think of "this as dinner"
the pills has made me all mean thinking
and XXXX acts like I took the pill to "get back at him'
never mind HE KNOWS
damn well about the Merge ..and sometimes the Mandlers
go all Shark Week on my head..
'The Secret " is "Inway for the Enway ' for girls
I start to tweet.
and XXXX grabs the computer..
"You're out of control when you take the Seroquel' XXXX says
"Just typing the words of my loverman genius
guiding force..for all the world to see.."
"write what you want Dumbo" XXXX says ,' I see THAT is working out REAL REAL good for you..
see that 'Your Team" is really digging it"
XXXX knows ..I sometimes write the opposite of what my Mandlers interface..
and I pay for it
in ways you don't or can't image..
except from sh*t movies
like insidious
except this Insidious Insipidous
is from the junk they
put in my arm
you think making this up dumb reader
who I can rip apart with my bare hands!
I might look little but I can literally tear you apart limb for limb. till you are literally limbless!
when my team
heightens parts of my rage levels and adrenalin with and pulses ...and frequency
YOU
you'll be standing there like in a computer game
LIMBLESS
like HEY !
where's my limbs !
and I'd see you
and be like
hmmmm
maybe I shouldn't have done that
but you see...when a guy has Merge in their brain
a guy ain't nothing but a drone
not like those dopey things that fly around
like you're in a Toys R Us
but I a living drone
and therefore am not responsible for ANYTHING
at all I do..
that's why XXXX is always
around or someone like XXXX
to make sure..
I am treated somewhat like a human
instead of this damn test Subject
targeted individual stuff
Man if I for one second even sense ..some douchebag reading what I say askance
I will find you
for thinking
the wrong way
and rip your head off ...but for real
like you be headless FOR REAL!
Man ,do we need the roommates to come back..the house is too big for just me and XXXX
and expensive ..there's even talk about me having to get a job..
like in a supermarket.
Crazy Talk
that is making me crazy..even more than the Mandlers.
but no way am I gonna tell XXXX what's really worrying me.
(a real job)
know why?
Because ,according to XXXX THAT KINDA TALK
is GIRL TALK
...
it's screwed up having this little outlet to write about any mood you're in
at any given time..
I am writing about XXXX all wrong..
giving you a bad picture of him..
it's the damn Seroquel..
the SOUND and VISIONS
my "team ' uses to
"man me up"
or down
I
Never know .or knew ..really what the point of the nano tech was..
except to kill me off.
after they
my team realized I wasn't gonna kill anybody in L.A.
maybe they think there's still hope?
supposedly this story///this semi-story is to
leave some trail of
hard core looooney.
in case someone asks ..
why'd he go and do that
trust me ...you do what The Mandlers graph or you're f*cked..
and pulverized by the interface
it's kill or be killed..
that's all it is..
This comes after XXXX hears me on the phone speaking to a Psychic and telling the Psychic I wish to set up an appointment because I am possessed by "Entities"
I hear a click click on the phone line. I mainly use the landline because (amongst other concerns) I have become a bit paranoid about the amount of macrowave radiation and frequency the cell phone gives off -straight to skull.
I now keep the lap top always in another room (and the cell phone) when I sleep.I also unhook and un plug the TV and Roku so the modem won't be zapping everything when I sleep.
XXXX takes this as a sign of me ,according to him "losing what ever dwindling nuggets of SENSE you have left.."
When I asked if the cereal we ate for dinner had GMOs in it he smashed down his spoon on the bowl .
'Did you know they put like moth DNA or something in with like grains and corn and stuff so he grain and all has a natural insecticide...So in a way when we are eating cereal we are in a way eating moths..that might be OK if these moths didn't have something obviously in their DNA that repels insects..*ucky Charms when you eat them without marshmallow on the spoon kind of taste like moths..don't they.."
"How would you know what a moth even tastes like ?" XXXX shouts ,"Thank you very much Dumbo for ruining my meal...NOW because of you I will ALWAYS think of eating moths when I eat f*ckin' cereal.."
I am on my orange pills that make me move slowly and respond slowly.and also maybe say things I shouldn't..XXXX has said besides the neuroleptics making me look dead on Fugly ! they make me chatter on like some housewife..
I eat the cereal alone ..feeling nothing ..thinking nothing really...maybe it's the Seroquel making every thing either taste like tin or moths...
I begin hating whatever writer had written about moth DNA being in whole grains
because NOW thanks to them all cereal will taste like moths.
I go upstairs after I hear XXXX slam the door hard.
And have a Thorazine Shuffle like thing going on all up the stairs which I don't want XXXX to hear..
My ears and everything get sensitive
on neuroleptics because your mind is just so dulled that everything else but thinking becomes somehow sharper.
( A mantis shrimp might not be a heavyweight, but ounce for ounce, it can throw some of the fastest and most powerful punches in nature. ..and I have Mantis Shrimp in my DNA...I want to tell XXXX but it might be a lie my Mandlers told me OR some big secret...
no..probably some scheme of My Mandlers to make me inauthenticity myself in ONE BIG MANTIS SHRIMP BLOW!
or else YES
I have Mantis Shrimp POWERS! because of the Mantis Shrimp DNA in my blood
Mantis Shrimp Blood is a hundred million times MORE powerful than Tiger Blood )
In my room I go to my drawer that contains an old telephone book and look up the word psychics.
Because even though I was meant to know the things I hear and See etc...are no thought disorder or aliens or REAL possession. Just the same psychically. Like in terms of positive energy I am losing ..and losing..
I am so tired.
and it's not just the pills.
the endless back and forth of the "Project" is mind numbing...for a brief while it was mind blowing and felt like it was mind expanding ..but the more it goes on..the more defeated I feel..
I know part of the point to the testing it Push /Pull De patterning Techniques..so I might be able to not "think back' aggressively" and with "ego" to my Operating Tele-Presence / Mandler..
sometimes ,of course I take the pills I have around here.
to just make me not care.
and not be there.
even a little
and XXXX says ,when I do this "I guess you just don't care about wasting everyone's time and money do you?"
But when he asks this ,when I am on Seroquel I don't "act out' or yell back ...cause I just feel weak and disgusting.The Seroquel makes my gums all swollen and sometimes spittle piles up on the outside of my mouth
"Know what you look like on Seroquel DUMBO...a mental patient in one of those high school Psychology books. "XXXX said at "dinner' (dinner should not be cereal but XXXX says I was sleeping my psychotropic sleep when he asked what he should cook)
I don't think I mentioned the moth thing because XXXX said that about the High School Psychology Text books and this medicine they give to people with schizophrenia.
I don't think I called the psychic either because of the pills.But maybe because I am so sick of being Mentored ..(or I wouldn't have taken the pills to sleep away the day) I need to "re-up" my Emittance anyway I can.
Even with a psychic.
It had occurred to me not too long ago that the same system (mandlers) that make me scared with "stories" are the same people that "save me" from being too scared that I (for instance) turn to Seroquel.
Also that strange story about souls being kept in little flat screens stuck in my head real real bad...so even the thought of suicide now seems stupid because I have already had so many thoughts collected. ..that even after death...
"and maybe there is some kind of horrible bad spirit that got inside me to make me a Ruiner" I tell the female psychic.
"A Ruiner of what" the psychic on the landline asked
"My psychic Emittance is filled with Enrot ...meaning Bad Thinking that leaks into the are.causing everyone to feel Ruiner thoughts"
" I don't work with people in Neuronautics...I'm sorry " the psychic said ,hanging up
"You want to play games Dumbo ?" I hear XXXX say on the phone or do you want to admit that things aren't working because you're not working "The Program"
I hang up the phone and page through the phonebook which is still opened ...thinking how odd it was when stuff like names and number and services were just inside a book like this.
My gums are swollen ,as is my tongue. I'm not really vain but I can't stand XXXX or anyone seeking me of the Seroquel because -it really is creepy- and I am always thirsty ...and my mouth takes like tin and moths.
I am embarrassed to go to the Annex
especially looking "pill-ed up'
but XXXX says ,in the car that I should be proud of my behavior
and appearance
and than he says you should be real real happy they agree to see you
before that sh*t is out of your system
as soon as I go in the Annex I see one of the Neuronauts snap a picture of me than go back to the game he's been watching on tv..
I know this pick of me on Seroquel will go into my file
but first be tossed around the Annex "for laughs" and "Ewwwwwwws"
it is my fault
it seems everything I do is wrong..
I go up to the 3rd floor with XXXX
trying to get this "everything I do is wrong" attitude out of my head
They hate this type of whine-ing
It's not masculine and it's get's you nowhere they say especially "If you're pulling this sh*t to get some sympathy..."
is the type of stuff they say -
In a way I am glad I am "read"
possessed by Proxy Cyber in 'The New Way'
because in some way maybe "it has" made me have to always be aware of what my intentions are concerning anything I saw or do..
but it was XXXX who demanded I come here. Because he said I was seeping my Enrot all over "his" Enway
I wait out in the little room outside of the small room where I used to go for Census Sessions Face to Face ...before it was all "Mind to Mind" and "Mind to Computer"
and can't help listening in through the door
to XXXX " yep ," he is saying ,"actually called a psychic.." I hear XXXX laughing but than stop
'Yes ,I know he is playing games and I know it is not funny "
The door opens and XXXX comes out side and I have never been so happy to see anyone ever than my old face to face mentor.
'Seroquel? he says shaking his head you may as well have just drank some bleach with a drano chaser"
"It feels as if I have "I say sitting down
but than get up
,asking if I can sit.
The only thing between me and my old Mentor is a table with no top.
Just the square of wood pieces and legs that show where the table top should be.
"sit,' my Mentor says.
and I just start talking..I don't even think of the typical protocol of Census Sessions are not psychiatry offices or a Priest's Confessional..."I don't think," I tell him,"that I am still found to be a Resolvable is what's happening ..I think I have been outsourced ... I think I know I have been....things..my thoughts ..the way I see ..all of it has turned meaner or something I can't explain..more threatening"
My old face to face Mentor knows the voices and things I see and feel and dream are because I "app-ed".
He knows everything about Mind to Mind and Brain Computer Interface ,he's a Level Six who has done the "Mandling" on many people before his wife died...and he decided he only wanted to do face to Face ,at least for the time being. I'm not supposed to talk about anyone at the Annex ..but I won't use his name like I don't use XXXX's name ever...and sometimes ..sometimes you just can't deal with everything going on with the "apps" because
(a) nobody believes in them
(b) the people who Mentor you with them ...(maybe because nobody knows) do whatever they want with you ..when ever they want...
and you "might" have signed something saying you agreed to the "apps"
but you certainly didn't expect -anything like this...
anyway I had begun reading other people talking and writing about "the project" online and somehow that made me
wonder.
"What's going on here...Why are we all saying the same things are happening...in the same way..'
and why
are all these people you read one day
suicides the next
...their Facebook page or blog just sits there.
there's no final entry saying
"deceased"
in this way they live on...
but you might think some family member might have closed their Facebook account ..
especially because in most cases even a Targeted Individuals' parents or wife or husband doesn't believe them
and says they should feel some shame writing about hearing and seeing things..
online
to embarrass not just themselves but the whole family.
My Team both Face to Face and Mind to Operating Tele-Presence says I am not a TI, a targeted individual.
but a Pioneer in Brain Research
but this just doesn't fly like it once did
And when my face to face Mentor hears that he says "well maybe they were right about you all along..THIS ONE doesn't have what it takes to FLY to different plains of thinking...THIS ONE is TOO WEAK for this PROJECT..
he stops talking and just looks at me
"Maybe one begins being treated as a Targeted Individual when one starts thing of their Mentors as monsters....What is the term most targeted individuals use to describe their 'Team" -perpetrators..criminals?..."
'yes"
"And isn't that how you yourself think of your tether as well?"
"YEAH actually I think I do" I say suddenly not giving a damn about any of it.
"This isn't you talking this is that sh*t you put in your mouth . This ,I will put down to _Pill Speaking Behavior. You with the Seroquel in your system -I might as well be talking to a fruit fly.
You will not take any pills and you will come back here tomorrow .
Do not speak to XXXX on the ride home and do not look him in the eye or anything. I don't you infecting him with any of your Enrot.
You do realize that after this. What just happened here.I will have to see my own Mentor to try to rid myself of all of this Emit you have placed upon me.
Hence you will understand why you have been charged double for this session.
Do you understand ?"he asks
"yes" I say leaving the office walking with XXXX silently to the elevator.
We drive in silence.
When we get to the house XXXX says ,staring at the steering wheel "YOU stay in the car until you are sure I have had enough time to go up to my room and not see you...understand?"
'Yes", I say
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