MATTHEW 20:16

i don't know what to do..

except type..
...i am past scared but not really

i take many drugs...now..
street drugs
                                                                                                         
..to deal
to be brave
..
to breach?
but how is it breach when I am screaming for my life?
when I am the victim?
when they are killing me..
with psychotronic >>*eaPONTRY
because
I am bad interface

i was set up
deliberately
to go back to LA in 2011
because they had the
nano now
and they could not wait
for me to
be played with


things became so personal in 1994...1995
they read me as some kind of psychopath deviant human vermin

like a fool I went to LA
they were waiting

they had all sorts of rundowns specifically planned..
it was so persona
 personalized

to get me back
..
as if 1994/95
were some deliberate attempt on my part ...to disturb their senses

i didnty change
 i dont know how.
maybe I am exactly what they think I am
"thye sickest man on earth"

there is a growing part of me..
that wants them to get it over with
the torture in real time
not the psycho cybernetics

i ...
have heard tyoo many times about them skinning me alive

ripping my face off.

they see .
what i see.
they hear what i hear.
they sense what i sense

"avatar is people" I wrote on small posters ..and tacked them up

i did many things to try to get them to speak to me face to face

to just once say .."listen....this is what this is why...
for all i know
....
i know nothing
but the last month..
being told about what they will do..

if i don't get rid of myself
myself

i once saw a film
called "martyrs"
it runs through my mind
it was a sickening film
i don't know wh6y people make some films..
or why we watch them..
films like  "saw ...or hostel..
human centipede..

i am on diesal,,
i am on everything
i am a mental patient druggie dont believe a thing i say

see
it's that easy
,,,did i mention the good parts..
the wonder...
the awesomeness
...i keep that to myself iu am a disgusting faggot sociopath deviant human vermin ruiner i ruined everything
maybe there was a reason..
maybe i deserve to pay until the end of time
sicko sicko sicko sicko
i sometimes piss down my leg..
i get so nervouslike a little moe.like a little girl ..i stink now from the drugs..i look aweful ...i take neuroleptics..crack heroin ...i take money ..i dont draw.i didnt go to the hoispital when I should have..i have given THEM a bad name
what if it all comes out ..
even after I'm dead..
whose story would you believe about me
the neurals                                                                                    
or me?
there is more to a person than a brai n map or encoding
there is something intagible
but they ,,,
think I am bad sicko to my very soul
I want and need god
but god is maybe ...
like them...
i don't thinkl so...
i know he is not
but I know I am selfish and my thoughts are weird\
but ,,and
...maybe my heart? isnt in the right place...
my mind is infatile ...but when I trhink of god ...not so much,,,
but stronger
there is sense to god
and no sense to this project...
but maybe ther is