My eyes barely open and immediately Evan begins ...perhaps he's begun before I woke to consciousness....a shared consciousness.steered consciousness ..it must..or a subject regresses ...falls into old ways it works that way... Evan sending my nice calming images of little animals in negative spaces beyond horrible.. it's sacrilegious and beyond any other wrong I can tolerate.. I can't believe Evan Rainy and my Mandlers have shoved this story in my head... but I don't want to think I don't want to know or see and hear ...I no longer FEEL Evan continues... I do not matter. I never did "to them" and the THEM the "THE" in me is the problem the point is to make the 'THE" in me ...and THEM like me gone with every trick in the book I don't really listen anymore to explanation it is after all their plot .not my own and talking about the Blob remake we are working on and how that the Kabbalah stuff is JUST was just -some Imbue- my team believed I felt I needed to tell some of the more intricate parts of the story But now I don't know what to believe .who to believe VENUS IN BLUGENES .. who did this..did you know all along? your mind goes back to her...and the days and months preparing for something one could not .can not prepare for.\ there is no training for this.not without back up not without a true G-d to believe it that might have put an end to this or are they right? that life is only about testing and the Lord thinks so too.. isn't that what they must assume?...and isn't that all the Bible was /is about tests and payback in kind the USA .in the beginning...or at least before it became what it is.. tried to fight this particular brand of test replacing it with a test only having to do with how much money one made. as test of worth with enough money one went and goes beyond any law. biblical or otherwise it is money that begun the foundations to do Human Testing by people to wealthy to have to turn to parable or morality plays except to put their children through for sport and evoked potentials it felt so real .too real last night when Evan began switching my grasp of source past Target to something more profane that some people who read us ...and watched us and decoded us judged us not in the manner of police state but our intrinsic beingness as it related to an afterlife. a true Lord. my mind wakes up to this last thought and I do not want consciousness I reach for the pills as Evan Visages himself as butterfly...Monarch over sized his eyes over wise... his face always a shade of Evan having nothing to do with his Grapheme the butter fly ,Evan morphs into a caterpillar the face of the caterpillar still Evan in my sightline ..ground ed in the reality that is my table ..my chair .. seamless... the caterpillar it's "being ness /it's rendering hewn to not be frightening..as insects can be.. hewn to user friendly like allowing a mouse to stand ,wear shoes...and only have 3 or four fingers. someone had thought this visual out ..is all I think today right down to what caterpillar means might mean to me and how tall to make "it" depending the Tele -Presence knowing perhaps more than me ..where images must fall concerning sightline.. and how much stylization the Image needed to not appear... like oh too real looking INSECT...I am ONLY shown to tenderize my aggressions I close my eyes but see the room lit even lighter in my minds eyes and it is in here..in mind's eye vision that Evan 's Visage becomes backed with personality a kindness dis ingenuous he lays atop my Hz.s my own Beta waves.. like TV does.. I pull away I am so tired. and Evan makes sure I do not regress into self talk by mirroring my own self talk from the previous evening Eyes shut or opened it no longer matters. ears plugged or un plugged the sound once only heard as inner monologue plays through you to save you to bring you away from you to them that is how you learn they told me that is how people like you learn someone's thoughts and mind is destroyed the very second this technology is used upon one.. and my Team knows this and every Targeted individual who I have ever read about -there mind is destroyed as soon as their thoughts are read. their soul is destroyed as soon as the technology begins "talking back to their thoughts" none of it is voluntary billions of dollars...trillions creating this have been tossed into the drain because every piece of neural data that has been collected has been done in secrecy and the type of threats you use to keep us all quiet.. and how you make us belocke dup and forced to take those pills which destroy your mind to cover this up.. I hope you realize you could have spent years collecting GOOD eminations if you you did not do all you did and waste everybody's time...and minds so you created a hell of weapon. and destroyed the potentials of this being something worthwhile to anyone. and the story continues the story that always has a beginning and breaks off into forks in roads based on thought one when has long ago stopped thinking, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, the vision is waiting cued the sound too waits....as sound and vision wait on the turned off tv before you are even aware something is ON in the box. sound and vision waiting before you turn on the computer the ads wait for you the noise. the colors and words inside the tv, which is off. but the sound and vision rigged to answer back to your thought is never off but the familiar way of madness...which is and I guess was always sound and vision in your mind before "product' was introduced...... to interfere,.......................................................... there is nothing to share mentors except the damage your team had long ago caused. they eat you up your memories and moods and motivations but don't leave the carcass...the husk which are proxy you the proxy like a guinea pig who has been tested and put on a wheel no nowhere too long one lays there in the soft cut wood. not really alive but not dead either...
if there was a pellet the guinea pig could eat. to guarantee it would stay dead alive.. or go back to sleep to shorten the hours. use all it's strength to move towards the pellet. although the pill itself makes the guinea pig so very sick.. I open the bottle of Risperdal not get rid of the sound and vision but the YOU inside.. so the signals "your team" acquires translates and "shouts out to is a loop of only broken appliance this after all what the Merge was for. this much supplication this after all is what the pill and pills such as Risperdal are for maybe this is what madness ..real or synthetic is for to wash your mind clear and gone enough to be so abbreviated....so muted... so polite that even G-d might be confused that brain damage can be taken for lightness and rightness of being.
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