smoke and drive

 

(1)
dumbo is seeing his shrink.
I wait outside in the car.
proxy cyber has set my phone again to read Dumbo's decoded thoughts  while at the same time
giving me a pretty good pixel read of whatever he is seeing
for some reason his inner sights go to some different company..
different 'apps"? different testing?..
still it's something
for a while I was given a No ACCESS to any of Dumbo's brain waves at all because Proxy said I was using Dumbo's thoughts against him...
in a way ONLY his tele-operators are allowed.
but lately ...they want me to keep a wider eye on Dumbo..
because he's being sneaky they say...with his SOS ...message in a Blottle shit..
they want him to feel fenced in ,,,pinned down like a butterfly..
they have even sent me some old fashion hidden cam video tapes and sound recordings of how his Foster dad and mom treated him...neuro linguistically and initiated trauma wise..
I have even dyed my hair a lighter shade of brown and begun growing side burns to look a bit like Dumbo's foster dad..
not that dumbo noticed..
brain interface ..straight to cortex induced hallucinations or not
dumbo should notice if his damn  boyfriend changed his hair color and changed his cadence and tone to try to get dumbo
back to be easier to handle..

you'd think a guy's lover goes to a shrink
he's gonn a of course talk about his boyfriend a little
but no! not DUMBO! it's all about his fuckin  Cybernetic shit..
he deserves to be in some virtual reality cage
for not noticing my efforts to tighten up the reigns on him..
in the shrink office he being his more and more difficult to Mandle self..
as if he doesn't care much anymore what will happen to him if he doesn't
cool it and let himself be managed..
 and maintained
he has this odd sense of wanting to be free of anyone who knows he was born top be this sociological test...
and has some odd sense that THIS was no test but something their gonna do to everyone..
and this ain't exactly what his team wants him pondering.
it's none of his damn business..
well..the shrink is going out of his way to help dumbo stay off the radar when all dumbo seems to want is someone to
save him..
meaning save him from me...save him from his Tele-Operators who have spent years trying to
help him
just accept "it is what it is'
it ain't like dumbo is no saint either..
neuro tech and voice to skull aside
disassociation
manipulation aside
there's a part of him that willfully does whatever his Mandlers ask...


his big thing is with me now is he wants to learn how to drive a car
he knows he isn't allowed to drive a car.
because he isn't really allowed to go too far from whoever's job it is to watch him
he also knows his team will send him little visuals over his own eye site
that will make "fake cars appear" and erase genuine cars from his sight.

I told him that.
and dumbo says he can always tell when his Mandler's are doing their jonny mnemionic shit
on his eyes.
and he will one day  take  my car
and drive so fast and so far away that no body will ever find him

when I laughed and said 'Dude you have like 400 hundred thousand chips in your head...these Mandklers know every time you cough
he said
he is figuring out a way to screw up the transmission of the stuff in his head that makes him
Mr Source Code
by thinking his way past the A.I. and to
something not manmade
so powerful it will knock all the satellites out of the sky
than I saw him sort of fall to the flow in pain
his Mandlers can't stand
that kind of thinking

I feel sorry for him when they do this stuff to him
and go to hold him and he spits at me

but do I  read ONE single word
of encoded thought about this indident on my phone temporarily  attuned to fuckin' Dumbo's
auditory cortex
NO!

(2)
How are you getting along with XXXX? the shrink asked,finally getting off the phone.

"OK ,the same...He kinda' asked our other roommates  to vacate...so we 're so of more alone. Like there's no buffer anymore."

"You think you need a buffer between you and XXXX?'he shrink asked.

'I always have a buffer between me and XXXX and Me and everyone don't I?"I say.

the shrink turns the tape recorder back on ...and gives me a look like Ixnay on the proxybay

"Must be nice
 the shrink says "Having a THEY. a THEM to blame all your troubles on.Must be nice having a THEM a supernatural force or a syntho-natural force that you believe controls your every emotion, thought and action."

'nice?' must be nice  ?Hiw is this a nice thing? I assure you doc.It ain't no Gandhi or Mother Theresa or Tom hanks tripping my lights synaptic"

'Tom Hanks? I never thought of Tom hanks as 'nice"I always thought of Tom Hanks as an actor who was good at playing  nice .." the doctor says

'(3)
'what are we talking about here?" I read Dumbo both think and say on my phone
wishing I had the headset like his Mandler's do
to Feel the Dumbo anger at some dare shifting the subject to anything
to lighten him up.

"can you double up  on the  Seroquel  Doc"
Dumbo says knowing damn well his Mandlers said NO WAY is allowed to deliberately
try to muddy up his neural reads with neuroleptics.

(4)
the shrink stops the tape recorder  

'XXXX sells them .the Seroquel..I mean we sell them .A lot of folks who smoke crack like it ..it's called a Q -ball...so you can smoke more crack if you do too much..

"How
 is it
 going with the crack problem?' the Dr. says turning on the tape recorder giving me some  kind of "Good Boy"look ..
like it is good to explain away- my being some human husk for  human testing with crack...


in fact they.THEM would LOVE me to drop dead from IT
they KNOW
they KNEW i'd take anything to get away from this Freak Show
they KNEW also I'd GO for XXXX
why?
Cuz' XXXX is like one of the ONLY people who KNOWS about the testing
and the weird CUES of youth
instilled in me
before these damn "apps' could CUE me ON DEMAND
the fuckin' cocks*cker
is even dying his hair to look like my 1st  Foster father

as for the crack.
it's the only reason I have the nerve to type dear reader.

me having some schizo affect certifiable
on file
not quite enuf...
just in case some one asks 'Yo what's this jackass writing about?"
or ONE DAY when it might actually COME OUT

Oh yeah we be testing this A.I. out on hundreds of thousands of people for years

and check out how nasty "dumbo ' writes about it..
writes about everything..
and LOOK at his criminal record.
and history of violence !

he deserved to be 'app-ed'

one day my neural reads according to my 'team' might be in a Museum
why?
so people can see
THE TYPE we needed to GET RID OF !

these damn Mandlers have transmitted me so many damn reasons I deserve to be caged in this Psychotronic Mind Bind
I can barely think straight..

and this doc wants me to 'play along'

in the beginning they told me they were making me smarter...
or that this weird new kind of EXPPPPERIENCE would make me Psychic in real life
life I would be some super hero
they treat me like a 5 year old
OR some hardened criminal who deserves to be "app-ed'
and
did I ever consider how important IT IS
to test this for enemies? or do I not care
when I began getting wise to the ins and outs of these wars and wars
I am like ...WTF!
these wars aren't anyone's war but wealthy f*cker's wars!
no wonder their worried "even DUMBOS ' like me are getting WISE to their games...and want to get rid of anyone who dare say anything against
 MANDLERS!
we are all being Mandled whether you have merge shoved in you or not dear reader

OOOOOOOOOOOOOO dumbo
XXXX would say 
he just be cwazy ..and a druggie..
it don't matter what 'Dumbo ' says..
 a perfect EXCUSE for my supposedly loony ramblings
by now this Obviation goes two ways
as I can care less and less about sticking around to be some damn MONKEY for Proxy Cyber.
OOOOOOh I can see why some Hollywood wanna be might say "ok I'll be mandled but dude.
the closest I ever came to being a success is having a one bedroom apartment or a tiny  damn studio apartment..
for a year or so
every few years  & up 21 up 35 Up STYLE to SEE and study how Mickey Mouse
dumbo pinnochio! does in a different environs.

oooooooooh you better believe me bro'
why you think i'm writing this ..
for dough?
you kidding me
these people control my dough flow...which has nothing to do with anything
but "What will he do with Money"
at this age
or with this 'ray'
beamed at some part of "my" mind based on impulse control..

Monsters.

but to THEM
I'm the f*ckin' monster
for having the audacity to writer about "it"

HA! writing about anything / on a platform that somehow they GOT BILLIONS OF PEOPLE TO TYPE ON
to SHARE what's on their minds

dude...when was the last time FACE TO FACE you looked even into your Wife or husband's eyes

saying more than 6 sentences about
what is on your mind
or what magazine article YOu think will delight them   huh?



these Mandlers can't stand me
and trust me the damn feeling is mutual with a capital L-and A

I feel a buzz ...a little pins and needles thing go through me
and see a gloved disembodies logo like hand in front of my eyes ..and hear a 'snap snap!"

Thought we lost you there for a moment the doctor says

I cannot recall what I was thinking ...

Tom Hanks
I say

"I don't think people give Tom hanks enough credit as an actor" the shrink says,'Do you?"

I have no idea suddenly where I am.
But quickly remember ...XXXX wants me to ask the doc for extra Seroquels

"the crack seems to really being taking it's toll on you ...maybe you should go back to rehab..."

"no.the crack problem is fine ,' I say

'I hope so " the Doctor says in a warning way .Like a Mandler.

 "Maybe it's from the head your sometimes losing focus..
that head  trauma
from that little gang that smacked you around ....
when was that last year.." the Dr. says,"
gee I hope something like that doesn't happen again.
Sometimes WE BRING this type of Come - uppance into our lives...
Have you ever read "The Secret"?
...it's all about SIGNALS and PULSES and WAVES and EMMITANCE
 but without chips or microwaves ..or crazy talk technology

but you have no chips  in you do you?" the Dr says real sternly ...Somehow this is how all the sessions end.
Somehow I am always calmed down and just a little bit foggy
No chips.
 Except the chip on your shoulder." the dr says smiling
You  need to think you have chips in you
and tests were done on you because ....because ...."

"it a distancing process so we can get to the REAL ISSUES" I say

"I deal with a lot of SCHIZO AFFECTIVES who self medicate  with street drugs ..
and many of those with YOUR ISSUES  hallucinate why?"

"Because the mind sometimes has to go places outside itself because  Tom hanks doesn't get enough credit as an actor "

"Exactly!" the dr. says

 My mood changes .
I want this session to be over and to get my script.
I know XXXX is waiting in the car..
I suddenly get angry but try to hide it so the Dr won't see.
Wobn't see
that I have to be driven everywhere like some damn baby.
because of the Merge

.I try to calm down.

I try to try.Like the Dr. has said times before
"i think the problem last time
 wasn't with the actual crack  itself
but the stems we were using to smoke it
.Maybe
 THEY do that on purpose too
 make the stems poison-ie when you light them  to make people feel bad'

"I think we've accomplished a lot today..,' the Doctor says looking at the Proxy Pharma clock over my head

But to me the appointment felt as meaningless as some Mandlers do with their psychic driving shit.