I stand at the top of the stairs very quiet.
and I hear Francis telling XXXX she knows HE made a call to someone in the "Community Theater"
or whatever you call it to terrify Robbie..
as if that sh*t you pulled with Dumbo wasn't enough
Let me see your phone
I hear XXXX say "take it ,take it,,I didn't call anyone"
I guess they are satisfied .I guess they looked at XXXX's phone ..
XXXX asks them what happened.
and I hear Francis say that everything was normal that Robbie calmed down
and they're driving him back to their mom's house when out of nowhere pops up
a man
and guess who he was dressed as...He was dressed like Wolverine and wielding a fork..looking crazy scraping it against the back seat where Robbie was,scraping the fork
'A plastic fork?"" XXXX asks
"WHY DOES IT MATTER WHAT KIND OF FORK IT WAS"she yells
"why? because one can't really WEILD a plastic fork that's why"XXXX yells back
I hear someone break something
"It was you XXXX" Francis says."you had called someone at the Annex or ..."
"Maybe it was Dumbo who called someone" XXXX says and I am about to yell something nasty when I hear Francis says
"you know that Nobody listens to Dumbo!"
"Oh yes they do," XXXX says,"And Dumbo don't have to use no phone"
I hear Francis say ," You know Robbie's Nursery school teacher slit his throat in front of the class ..Robbie never really recovered...'
and than I hear stamping noise and see Francis looking up at me "Yeah I bet you think that's kinda' funny don't you!"
I don't .I don't think that at all but I say " yeah KINDA'" because she's being such a bitch
'Your Mandlers and XXXX your handler are SICK SICK SICK .." Francis says
'It's a living " I hear XXXX say appearing at the bottom of the stairs ,folding his arms smiling.
"we've decided to move out of here.." Jade says
'Thanks to you Frankenstein" Francis yells to me up the steps ,"Robbie will never be the same "
"How very ILLLLLUMINATING Francis " XXXX says grabbing her arm "..but don't you ever talk to Dumbo like that again ..or we'll give little Butterfly a dead sister to add to his Referentials..'XXXX says
I go back to my room and hear Francis and Jade angrily pulling up and out luggage .XXXX comes into my room.I guess I might have been crying but probably not..Not cause the yelling but because the dumb annoying kid didn't deserve 'The Team" making him susceptible.
"You didn't do anything but say " fuck you" to the kid .." XXXX says putting his arm around me..You know everyone else takes care of the rest..It's to make the kid stronger not weaker...It's how it works.."
'Too make him disassociate," I say and XXXX puts his hand over my mouth hard.
"We don't say that ..It's to make him magical.To make him Indigo..It's good thing ..If you don't bend a wing it won't fly..say it Dumbo.."
'If you don't bend a wing.It won't fly "I say
"and NOW that little bitch's brother is on his way to being magical..'
"on his way to being managed.." I say under my breath.
'What you say?" XXXX asks but before I can I feel my whole body convulse via the "apps"
"Have a bit of respect for it and maybe than they'll respect you a bit more " XXXX says massaging my shoulders.
'Just leave "I say
"what's done .Is won" XXXX says, leaving the room.
(2)
I finally begin to fall sleep..I keep the white noise machine up loud and Evan can tell understands I am not in the mood to be sucked into his little perception-ary playpen.
I can't totally ignore the little visuals he graphs upon me..
but I can't or won't engage in the Telemetry like the Mandlers usually insist
Evan seems to appreciate this as much as he can..
but not
that I feel bad about Robbie.
XXXX makes a little knock on the door and gets into my bed.
He licks my ear and than pulls on both ears saying "Dumbo"
than he sticks his hand down my shorts and says "Dexter"
next he gets on top of me and puts his hands around my neck and says "Damien"
Usually, after this he puts his head on my chest and just lays there and I usually pat his hair .
Sometimes he tells me stories which are simlair to the stories my various foster fathers have told me over the years
in particular- the story about the little boy ,who is me
whose foster Father used to drive miles and miles to place in a abandoned fridgerator behind an abandoned factory
everytime the boy's Foster Father was to take the boy out to the abandoned Factory to help the little boy think a certain way
the Foster Father who took the little boy in
went to great trouble to clean the inside of the refrigerator as shiny and white as elephant tusk
for this was not punishment but a sacred act of trust and love
the little boy must always remember this
how sparkling clean the inside of the refrigerator was
the cleansed refrigerator
whose door could not be opened by the little boy once he was put inside
except by the Foster Father who placed the child inside
the little Boy in
although scared of not being able to get out of the refridgerator the foster father would say need only remember the cleansing his father performed
of the Refrigerator before shutting the door on the child and than he would be safe.
XXXX has always said that's probably where he met me ..
because his stepfather did things to him as well
to make him be able to leave his body than he might not have been able to otherwise
and that I must always remember how clean the inside of that refrigerator was
and that I was always taken out of it before I could not breath
That always whatever "teams" did to me would never be too much but always what I could handle.
Just like Evan and your Mandlers
never push you more than you can take..
"though you're pushing it Dumbo Dex...I really feel sometimes you are pushing it."
I worry he's going to "get into it" and cause me to think about the "apps" and the Tele -Presense
in an angry non respectful way
I don't know what to think anymore about any of it..Including Robbie.
I guess I don't repond right ..or breathe right
or do something right..
and I can tell XXXX is concerned or sad or angry or all three
"Would Jim Morrison have been Jim Morrison if his brother didn't die.
.Could Pete Townsend have written "Tommy" without an Uncle Ernie .would Ray Charles have been Ray Charles if he wasn't blind .
Would Eve White have looked so fine in a black short skirt without a little post modern primordial Mentoring?" XXXX says
and all I want to do is be back in the abandoned refrigerator and this time have no one open the door.
I see XXXX's phone light up and beep on the bedside table
and XXXX pick it up and read the phone
'You want to be back in an abandoned refrigerator ?..when I try to making you see things THE RIGHT WAY? with the RIGHT perspective HUH.?" XXXX says grabbing my ear like he's going to rip it off and than shouting into it "You had better begin seeing WHAT SIDE you are ON ..You had better begin respecting the sacrifices that were made for you AND for Robbie "
'You mean the sacrifices Robbie and I were made?' I say
(3)
Mr. Stephan Sarnoff,principal of The New Way Day School received a call early in the morning informing him that Mr. Hart a 1st grade teacher at The New Way Day School for two decades had suddenly taken ill and would not be able to teach this year and could Mr. Sarnoff please come to the school to discuss the hiring of a Mr . Joel Jackman, who according to school officials had come highly recommended .Mr. Sarnoff did not mind making the trip to the now empty school to discuss this new teacher's possible substitution for Mr.Hart.
Principal Sarnoff rather enjoyed that he would be absorbing the dichotomy of being in the spacious emptiness of the school that would in less than two weeks time be filled with loud children and even louder teachers. Upon entering the school 's office to meet with the other school administrators Lauretta Bender , a school secretary said to him his services would in fact not be needed concerning Mr .Jackman's being selected. It was all done.The school secretary apologized profusely saying she should have called him and that there was no need for him to have cut his summer vacation short and that he should think of this misunderstanding as a early dismissal .That those from the administration office who collectedly ran the 3 schools in the district had already OK-ed Jackman and even went to great lengths to place Jackman with "the right students"
'What does that mean ..with the right students?"Mr .Sarnoff asked ,confused and a bit angry.
"Oh they mentioned so new program that sets up special students with special teachers"
the secretary said sipping on a Diet Compo Cola.'
'I wasn't aware there were special students within the lower levels who were not placed in special education classes already" Mr.Sarnoff said
'Well it seems there are," the secretary said
"May I see the list of these special students who are to be taught by this "special" Mr .Jackman?' Mr Sarnoff said.
"I'm afraid not ..they mentioned something about special security or some such something" the secretary said saluting what appeared to be the Aloe Vera plant in her cubicle
"I was asked here to review Mr' Jackman's work history and personnel file.."
"It's in there ," the secretary said pointing at the trashcan below the paper shredder ."I really should have called before you wasted your time coming here this morning .It all happened so fast.You can go home now "
"I will not go home now," Principal Sarnoff yelled ," until you explain to me this special program that is now taking place in my school regarding 1st graders!..This doesn't strike you as ODD that a man is hired on the spot ..that an administration board that doesn't even know my name let alone the name of a single child in the school takes the time to hired someone..takes the time to place this teacher with so called special students ..' Mr. Sarnoff looked at the secretary shrugging, seemingly annoyed at Sarnoff's concern."Can I at least see the "list of special students" this mystery teacher will be teaching this year.
On the list was the name of each and every student who had seen Mr. Wendell Johnson slit his throat at Primer Nursery school
.Mr Sarnoff knew this because he and several other teachers had gone to great lengths in July to separate and homogenize these specific students as much as they could into the general student body so they might not be reminded of the incident so much.Whoever had drawn up the new placements had seen to it that each and every child who had gone to Primer Nursery School and had attended that specific Teacher's class were in the same exact curriculum
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