I simply can't reconcile the oddness of this connection as psychogenic in nature..

I met the people ...who
"set me up " for this...
...
I am too scared to go there....
will it make any difference? or will my 'story" seem even more "mental" in it's merit?

I am writing this for " 20 years from now"
and
lately I am convinced
that even in 2 decades this technology
will not be
"released" as product but kept hidden....
and used only for
"special punishment"
for a killing of one who deserves no quick exit
for one who deserves
torture

whats so scary is that it's invisible.
and so unbelievable

I read they can use psychotronics for a direct energy specifically to cause concussion
in primates.
I wake up and can only hope to my mentors
to stop.....dragging it out and just "hit me" with enough
HZs to finish me off.
to cause
a type of neurotronic lobotomy so I won't care anymore...

about the visions and sounds that
terror me.

I can make no future plans for myself.
I cannot
Move On...
Move out..
move forward...
the pills make me zombie-like in a way that is the same and different as the electronic detainment...

the actual
imbue-ment
is not as I write of it..

I write
Because of it..so much extra thought ,extra words,extra sensory ...
that it has to come out
some how or I will be back to banging my head literally against a wall...
screaming through the streets....

the more I think
the more "they have on me"
of me..

which is than used towards me...

it is not how I write of it...
there is no real meaningful "conversation"
and strangely
I ask it ,think towards IT for guidance
"what to do you want of me..."

but I know what it wants

it wants
me to die...

to kill myself

is Living .living like this...
with this...

"fighting back?"

is the reason to live now only so they must "keep going"

I know how this will end

I know I am being worn down
and that one day
I will
tell myself
that simply waking and "living"

as
against it
is not worth the price...

as I have said nobody believes this is possible ...and certainly not that it is happening right here
right now
on
those found
"sick"
or "degenerate"

I remember
how it changed...

I remember the specific day it began...

I wish I knew the specific day I or they might end it...
there is no end in sight...

I take another pill..
but the pills only make me unable to think....
and my mind
is simply
a tv than
with their sound and images....

no response from me...

I wonder if they "like" anyone they do this to...
if it is possible
to like anyone for very long under remote neural monitor...

I come off as a loon when I write of it this way...
my penance?
to at least present  myself INSANE?
is that not enough
of a punishment in itself...

"aren't you the guy who hears and sees things and thinks their a Human Experiment?"

a guy
an aquaitance from the bar I used to go to said...

"yeah.yeah.i guess I am..." I said...

a bar is one place one can go and stare into specie and not look
"gone"
or crazy...

but I left anyway..I can't afford to drink...or be hung over
with bio sensors and Direct Neural Interface

"why did they make such a point of telling me
"it's all true"
face to face.?
why did they take away my last sanity -that I was simply insane
and having hallucinations?
I could have dealt with that..

but I can't deal with knowing a company/a group ,a "team"
actually awakens
to
study