Seppuku

 these space aliens
who have come to seem more like
people in a cubicle with bio sensed headsets...two sensors on the temple another on the forehead...some wear hairnets studded with maco processors
I picture
 robust republican  good ole boy "i hate fags and intellectuals and fruitcake" types
thinkin they're doin The Right Thing fer America
hmmmm let me push this button and see what happens when a rush of calcium ions is released into
system when we tip tip tap the part of his amygdala
..Why blow me Down
 his face swells up like a water balloon

I cannot help but wonder if this was better or worse than the initial pain tests back in the day
back on pine 1022 pine st
I was so much younger than
but I'm colder than that now..
yes cold..
ice..
sometimes I just let my mind roll with the proceedings
                                                                              damn little I can do to shut it off...although I was asked to begin  studying
Eastern Civilization's
 ways of coping with  an abnormal mind.

naturally I thought Evan wanted me to study some Buddhist mind meditation
but no
Evan stated that since my mind was so filled with garbage
..the most noble thing to do was something called  performing Seppuku (切腹^?, )  a form of Japanese ritual suicide  for citizens who had committed  offenses, or  had brought shame to them and their wards and or  families

 my only shame
seems to be my thoughts
which I always knew were off..
or different

I just never knew
that this
 would
or could  somehow be a crime
and of course I did not know that one's mind could be studied
 and than classified
as deviant
dissident
 or so abnormal ..


that it would not just be in my best interest to Seppuku myself but in  societies best  interest as well

"in fact ,"Evan says"WE,your Mentors just might respect you for it
don't forget we know what goes on in the fat little head of yours...don't we...?imagine if we released you neural reads to a barrister or court appointed judge familiar with modern scanning techniques?.

I would be glad ,I think to have an outside party ...get into this ....
interface

in fact it is the main reason I type my "story" directly online instead of for publishing
or private journal..
I would love for their to be another
"peanut gallery"
listening to this wielded knife of encouraged predicated madness of soul ,mind and being

I summon up a courtroom
and think
no
I would not get on the stand to defend my private thoughts
or explain
my thinking
it might set precedent
or legitimize this type of  Kafka-esque technology


I think I would just ask for mercy
not for any crime of mind
but that I might either be  disengaged form my mentor's tether
or be put to death in a non cruel
not so unusual punishment..

I gather my self
and think maybe
now that they've switched once again to using the "works"
not only to psychologically destroy me but to also destroy my limbic and adrenal and pituitary system
we are getting on the right page
and I ask g-d
that can he please make them finish me off with DUE
diligence