remote

I didn't clean Denny's room 
after he killed himself

(or was killed)


i considered my son's room a crime scene


perhaps in 10 or 20 years there would be information about "The New Way" of taking care of people
THEY  had used up doing 
experiments

I could only enter Denny's room with fortification
A Valium.some Xanex
                     clips
& cut out articles
                             information he had gathered...from the computer from books...

letters addressed to Diana Feinstein

and Ron Paul

were still on his bedside table...

i had walked to the mailbox to send  them 
months ago..
                                 but there were several men
who I NOW call the" Men in Slacks"
 whom for some reason
seemed
to be  having what looked like a "working lunch"
 around  the mailbox

iI couldn't GET to the mailbox without
candid stares.
a man even took of his
sunglasses
so I could get FULL impact of what appeared to be a WARNING stare

"it's all in your head Layla..." I said and said
in my head
...suddenly remembering an article
Denny had shown me just days before he "passed"
that scientists could now "read" another persons "inner monologue",their thoughts WITHOUT any sort of "chip"
that an inventor had written that  the mind was essentially "wired"
for intrusion
in that it "worked" by sending endless signals..
the signals ..although low in emmitance beyond the skull not so low
to not be found and deciphered...if one knew exactly what type of "wave" one was looking for that assembled speech

For a moment I stopped walking
leaned against a wall
trying to both wrap my mind around
this "speculation"
that another could read another's mind
without
any consent or visible means

the very concept was maddening and paranoia inducing...
that
mixed with the odd
"coffee clutch' around
a mailbox? for Christ's sake
I looked down
at the letters in my hand
and hurried home

i remember cursing my dead son
for making me think like him
for making his room look like a movie set....
some generic "idea"
of what
a CRAZY MAN's Room might look like
in some bad CSI spin off..where the tinfoil hat "villian"
has
perhaps
in his crazy..has stumbled upon something
Did He?Layla asked herself?
refusing to ask herself
what part she "played" in it..by
Being once a follower of Neuronautics and Gary Rainy
she had belonged to many Self Help Groups in the 80's EST,The Forum
finally settling on going back to the church of her childhood

The Church( or whatever they called themselves these days ) of Gary Rainy
had recently been involved in yet another scandal
something about
placing some "key people" in "the Org" in sensitive areas of the "otherment"
taking and distributing
all sorts of documents,blueprints and patented technologies like one might steal staplers or
   paperclips

    towards the end
 Denny was quite sick
      could barely move from his bed

I thought he was depressed..
that his lethargy was somatic.
he had  told me
he felt like an electric cloud had come over him

tingling
small seizures
one could see the flat muscles
beneath his thin skin
jerk
myclonus now
of his palate
i took him to a movement disorder specialist
.....
the Dr. concluded Dystonia...Myclonus...Parkinsonian tremor
gave Denny some pills.
"come back in 6 months"

the pills were intolerable
Denny described the symptoms
" as if someone was leveling a beam on me
aiming it at me like a remote control...like I am a modem ...as if  some bully had learned how to soup up and direct WIFI at me..." he smiled as he said it...
he was aware
how he sounded.
he smiled but then he began crying.

I grabbed the TV remote beside his bed and "fake aimed " it at him...saying "zap zap"
he smiled again  and told me he needed to sleep
but I knew his sleep and
his thoughts were filled with
static
or worse
what he called "sound and Vision"

his head and face were swollen.

he didn't want to be seen

i left the room

the Dr could never tell us why 

tell why this inflammation was present

it all but disfigured him

 months ago with 

 in typical Denny fashion

Denny had said-

"maybe this was the point"

it was before 
I listened to what he said
I too 
just thought my Denny was "off"
as expected
i received
 what I called a " footnote" 
to our 
discussion about inflammatory disease..

                                Denny brought me a print out of the effect of directed magnetic frequency
                                 on the  calcium ions in the brain...

"they can hurt you ...in ways nobody sees"

but i saw it..

his face swollen

his neck...

i went down stairs 

and grabbed the remote to the tv

and began 

aiming "the beam"  at my head

 i pushed the button 

again and again over 50 times

to see if i might "feel ' something...

i did not

but i became scared
anyway 
that i was doing some hidden damage to myself

and stopped pushing the button...

thinking of all the unseen beams and streams of energy

all around us.

and perhaps in us