but this is my fault not the Operating Tele-Presence
because I'm an ingrate who has no respect for anything
and i take advantage of the needed Free Will they need me to have at least theoretically for the tests to be valid
-this between threats to rip my skin off while alive
so according to Mandlers 'AT LEAST YOU'LL HAVE SOMETHING! to CONTRIBUTE
in terms of a PAIN READING! the most didactic aspect of this unique research
and THAN we'll see who just WHO around here is GETTING AWAY WITH SOMETHING!"
do ya' go out of your way to Ruin things? The Mandler graphs making me see nasty nasty faces in all the negative spaces in my bedroom
negative spaces I try to rearrange every few days moving lamps and tables
but they're so quick ...quicker and quicker it seems just over laying all i see with their sights not my own
half the time lately even the negative spaces they used to make sure the overlays fir into for some reason go out the window
the images are supposed to mean something to my own special inference
PIGS...and Little RATS ....Clown Faces ...and quick flickers of this large scary Katydid
I know they think I am a pig
taking all the Mentoring as something my own-owning my predicament ..writing away from Mandler stories
but what does this Katydid like giant insect have to do with anything
what nasty business are they dreaming up to toss into my dreams and waking nightmare doing Brian Computer Interfaces with people who send another 's visual cortex such terrors..
it doesn't even look like a space alien
so i don't think there will be some back to basics
we are space men business....trying to learn about earthling thinking so we don't have to take over the earth
that's how this began
back in the day when I was first served sight and sound by mandlers
they gonna tell me they spliced my DNA with Katydid DNA? i can't help but think
once before they convinced me that they spliced my DNA in one of the hospitals they threw me in with Mantis Shrimp DNA
that mixed in with the Thorazine was Mantis Shrimp DNA
and all they did to me with Voice to Skull Microwaves was to get me to this hospital like this in a state of dis repair
know why?
to make me a super hero with mighty strength
bu mixing my DNA with Mantis Shrimp DNA
Of course i was honored to be part of such a program
who wouldn't be
the problems started with trust
when I was released and Mandlers told me to go to the top of a 16 story building
and jump so I'd see that I would have super human powers because of the Mantis Shrimp mash up
and would land on my feet
according to Mandlers my not jumping demonstrated I lacked a certain jen -a say -qua
and the type of blind trust a Mandler needs from a Proxy
The Mandler does not care at all for my reminiscing
"There's something Trugenically wrong with you Dumbo that has nothing to do with the testing ..
even having the ability of decoding you as I go along I can't figure quite out where this insane need of yours to define the Mentoring as something wicked and wrong comes from ...".
My 2nd Foster Father would talk like this to me just like this when i was little
trying to get at some "heart " of the matter...
some impetuous as he used to say
some cause and effect of why i did what i might have done wrong wrong wrong
hours would be spent him trying to find the first trace of why I broke some toy
saying 'i don't know " or "I wanted to see the inside of the toy'
wasn't good enough
My 2nd foster father would ask me '
what inside me felt i needed to see what was inside a toy..
did I think I'd see traits of myself inside the toy...
what was I thinking moments before I broke the toy
...
'Nothing" I'd say
and my 2nd foster mother would yell
'he thinks nothing than he will eat nothing tonight '
eventually I'd concur that I was trying to find something inside me within the toy I broke not having the slightest ideas what i was saying
THAT'S THE STUFF YOU KEEP TO YOUR FUKKIN SELF DUMBO!
you feel you must write these things down
write them in some notebook..not online
...you don't understand why you were raised like you were....and trust me nobody cares about your speculations
ah
but they do ! Mandlers ! Many ,many Targeted Individuals were raised in Gibber-wocky Talkie homes ..
and our stories are so much alike
it be cwwwwazy ...
I feel a tingling in my skull
and this rather nice feeling of being "Reduced" in thinking capacity
"YOU DON'T THINK IT'S NICE ...YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S FOR
I feel a tingling in my chin and on the sides of my nose..
i reach to touch my cheek bone that was "there " only seconds before
I know what they can make my look like ..
with the microwaves ...calcium flux and 5 th facial nerve ...ewwwwwww
"YUM YUM YUM" I think to the Mandlers.picturing my face filled with edema growing so puffed up and distorted popping like a piñata
I know this Mind Picture is sent to the Mandlers.
they want me to go running to some mirror to see
as they say
"Ugly as your thoughts"
I gets the picture..Mind's Eye...
POP!
followed by a nice "Scanners' like clip of Mandlers head go BOOOOOOOOM!
and next thing you know I am on the floor of the bedroom holding my elbow
they sent a jolt of micro mixo to funny bone
"Get up Dumbo you fuckin Bug "
II want to touch my cheek bone
but try try seeing ..feeling if my swollen face has returned to normal..but I try hiding this 'wasnt' from Mandlers who hate you caring about periphery nerves and disfigurement
but the thought has gotten through
even with the lingering funny bone pain turning to "ahhhhhhh that's over'
I am made to see a little girl's dolly
for thinking un masculine things about caring my face is normal looking
i start thing Scanners thoughts to Mandlers
and hear a whistle blowing sound
I hop back on the bed..
and wait for Mandlers to send me some visualGraph
that means we begin again..
but something is wrong
I only see an image of my face floating mid air with no eyes in it
"YEAH DUMBO ...as you can see ...we're not just tinkering around here.. "
"Baba -boo -yee' I think to Mandlers not giving a good God damn what they do to me "
and that's when I see the smiley face meaning Game Over Start Again
But the tone of the tether is not as light as it usually is and there is still a type of scary seriosness in the Mentor's tone
and not just tone of the Visions they send me but their Voice as well
YOU'RE the One making this
some kind of torture..pissing contest
rejecting the mentorship that people 8 times smarter than you put a lot of time and money into
..there is this Luddite lack of adventurism in you concerning this project
that is un -manly ,callous and uncalled for
I start trying to do what i can without Buffer to block the Mandling
turning my attestations to an old Purina Cat Chow commercial I have promised i will think of when my pain reading slow death comes so no reading will come
I will focus on the purina cat chow commercial that will transcend all human pain
DUMBO the mandler graphs
in a tone that is nice
and a nice feeling comes over me
and his "grow up.." advice i do not try to buffer..
I am greatful for whatever jolt of signal the Mandlers have sent to righten me
a minute or too
too long of trying to buffer Mandling makes you see themselves as exactly what you saw mind's eye style reading of my late morning hours
I look at the hung piece of gessoed white linen
whiter than the whitest white
and sit in my chair that faces the linen
Mandlers have said that it is important I learn to always begin again
and have no hard feelings with the technical difficulties of this Mind to Mind thinking
"..that YOU DUMBO use as weapon...try that Purina cat Chow shit again today and you'll be holding more than your elbow on the floor
I feel the change in my my thoughts i am confused..lost ..and panicky the Mandlers now seem so much stronger than they had even a moment before
the sound of the Mandler changes ...from far away to very,very close...no cartoon like sounds..the Voice sound sreal
the man who says i Ruined everything a long time ago
I feel almost tearful
they spin my emotions around like a top
usually they would do this only in front of a shrink to help validate my being simply mental and not Mandled
in spite of the other ride I push past it
Hating on the Mnadlers
Meow meow meow meow
meow meow meow-meow
and next -
January chow chow chow chow chow
February chow chow chow chow chow
------------and there i go on the floor again
playing some i cannot win with some of the nonsense i write online about being hurt and not helped by the brainlink and if i keep it up and don't just write this the way I am allowed to ..supposed to they can drive me to rampage like states
i am thinking rocked bakc an dforth like an insect!
ooooh they have proved my rampage like capacities before
IS THIS WHAT THEY WANT
is that what I am in trouble for Mandlers
not breaking that window
everytime i pass a window lately
Mandlers graphing to me BREAK IT BREASK IT and you will hear nothing and see nothing for ONE WHOLE DAY!
do you know how tempting it is ?
but it's a Mnadler trick you know ...action-ie and property damaging
to prove to Mnadlers I am not contained by stupid laws
THERE IS NO LAW DUMBO! when MEN CAN MANDLE MEN!
if you break the window and get caught you will have a case against us that might hold up in court!
I did it because I am a human test subject you will tell them
YOU DUMBO might be the one to get the Targeted Individuals probelm on the map
with rock in my hand ready to hurl I thought
yes yes yes
yes yes yes
THIS ACT! will be the act that exposes the human testing once and for all!
"UH D-d-d-d-dumbo' I hear ..and next see a little angel like vision on my shoulder ,"Two Strikes ..put down the rock.."
i decide to just lay there on the floor
I decide I will lay there all day letting the Mandlers do what they want
The windows business of Mandlers saying 'Break -ie Break-ie each time I see a storefront
is Mandlers crossing a line NOT ME
....i can vouch for the fact courts don't care if you have been Mandled by Mandlers to go amuck on the streets
..Being locked up is no fun especially with Mandlers who have already put you in invisible chains
..I am constantly reminded my nervous system and all that runs it can be taken from 0 to 50 in mere milliseconds.. and Dumbo in jail according to the "team"would be very entertaining for those who like good Dailies from participants..
.My Tether reminds me if -I don't get with the program ...contribute to the cause of this research - neural mechanisms underlying episodic memory in the development of cognitive neural prosthetic by understanding time gradients in neural narratives -they have the right to make me balking like a literal chicken in the middle of highway to get me locked up for months in some psyche ward
if I don't grow the fuk up and take a little responsibility for my part in the project.
My part though is not participant..but mandlers can care less for this line of thinking "it is what it is style"
to mandlers
being born only to be in studies is the same thing as someone being born rich or poor..
a roll of dice from the Gods above even Mandlers
"Get up Dummy' The Mandlers graph...a smiley happy mini wheat appears within my eyeline holding out his hand
How can one not respond to this with graciousness and sportsman ship
I get up
my mind on coffee and cigarettes
thoughts Mandlers hate
that are physiological
and self referential
'Mind your Mandlers " I start thinking hating the fact I am being this disagree-able to my Mentoring
even the pain they say is really to make me stronger and fearless
always when the project goes wrong it is the Proxy's fault.
and I begin to think this is true
the Mandlers are just trying to make me think outwardly and never in
the stuff they do to my face is also to make me not care that the interface means your facial nerves and histamines and stuff just happen to be effected by the needed directed energy to make you decode -able and written upon
i think the wrong things and feel my funny bone start to tingle
STOPPPPP I think to Mandlers
and they do
FUCKIN MANDLERS I think
OR I WILL BREAK THE STOREFRONT WINDOWS TO GET GET THE MESSAGE OF HUMAN EXPERIMENTS OOOOOOUT!
I am happy to be dumbed down by the apparatus that allows the to and fro of the interface and hope one day they go too far and some little gland or whatever in my brain that controls breathing or heart beats stops from their damn Mandling
I see a tiny stop sign without the word stop on it...mid air wise
and feel a burst of calmness and a tingling in my head
sometimes the interface is all about modulating emotions
and keeping you calm
and even happy
I rarely try to fight these imbues
I wait for some kind of smiley like face
and see this kind of cool little shark plush type "toy" like CGI thing
which looks like some care went into it
i think to the shark like visual a sea horse
i am up for no great graphing
but i can tell by the shark little smile I did good for even trying
no silverfish or spent Q-tips from dumbo today
toward Mandlers
but already with that though alone
I screwed up
the silver fish and the spend Q- tip have been graphed
and therefore i feel obliged to make the sea horse I thought the mnalders more stylized
the equivalent of putting sparkles or gold and silver paint on something
but it is the trying that sometimes counts to mandlers
and after all it they who dumbed me down for "acting out" online
in ways by now i should have learned only force mandlers to send me back to calibrate me towards more compatible eminations
the imbue of good vibrations and Hzs to my head wear off
and although i think to the mandlers more more more
it is not good for me to hit with too much of this oscillations to my skull and neurons
because they are not done with me yet with the research and need according to Mandlers
at least some neural tissue to work with as each day I am Mandled the direct energy to make the interface work
destroys cells and stuff
The Mandlers explained this is one reason they do this research
so one day
all thinking can be saved on disks and stuff and be put into hologram like projections or "robot like people" becaus ethis data collection destroys the mind
I am practice to Mandlers
and serving the greater good for brain research and should feel proud
and suddenly i do
-feel proud
it doesnt really matter if this pride was sent to me via the brainlink
and this pride at least gives me enough impetous to start my day by going downstairs to get have a smoke and coffee
it's odd how just a little change of scenery makes your thinking change
I hear the tv mid way down the steps
DAMNDAMNDAMN the roomates are gonna be all in my face saying good morning ..good morning and dumb stuff
to make me say good morning back and smile like an idiot
only XXXX understand that what me and the Mnadlers are working on is to get rid of all these fake lies of acting
with thought that cannot by censored straight to mind
but XXXX also says i have to try to be nicer
or i will make a whole new set of roomates move out
by scowling at them and punching walls when they make small talk
"Small talk confuses you Dumbo..they don't understand..
you came to me with a set of instructions not them"
Hearing the TV i start to turn around and go up stairs again but say fuk them I will say good morning and all that stuff they MANDLE you to do worse than any mandler i know.
i graph to the tele -presnese to make me see them as sea monkeys or something
but than at the bottom of the stairs I see no one
I rememebr they went somewhere...ha !ha! Mandlers ..not so very dumb -ed down as all that !
XXXX didn't go with them..
XXXX never goes with the roomates anywhere..
he thinks of them as just tentant sme and him have to put up with until our fortune comes in
he hates I talk to Liam
he says he thinks Liam purposely tries to cue me and trigger tantrums
by saying "don't let XXXX push you around'
..the TV was left on in the common room where the room mates do common things like say small talk at the TV like the TV hears them
or say small talk because something on the TV makes them be reminded of something
AND THESE ARE THE SAME PEOPLE WHO PRETEND THEY DONT UNDERSTAND Brain Compute Interface I would think
there is something both depressing and winning about seeing the tv on during the day...depressing because of all the frenitic activity and Stuff" everyone seems to be doing while you feel so stuck..so on pause /freeze frame with Mandlers..but something winning because all the tv's sounds and racing images are playing to no one..the tv is somehow nothing but steam..some bizarre engine that does nothing but go and go and go...
all the roomates are out..they asked me to come..they know of my mentoring by mandlers and think i am making it worse for myself giving the brainlink no chit chat but my own inner monolgoe.'if they have to study how people react to things isn't it your job in a way to seek stimuli" Eric said..i barely care what none of them say...i want to tell him..and that's all the Mandlers would recive i want to tell him..that's all i would transmit..not to him ..but to Mandlers...to him I'd nod my head up and down and pretend i give a damn what he says next..i used to be able to tolerate eric but now too aware of my output to mandlers i can't do it..the whole shaking head ..go on go on thing..some people can read this stuff..inner monolgue ..'Dude shut up" while you have to do all you can to not pick up and ashtray and bang them over the head...some people don't..
i used to think eric -the most recent roomate moved in because he seneses through silent mandlers of his ownsome kind of friction he needed to feel he is OK or a little better than he is 'there but for the grace of god go I style"...whatever is wrong with my life at least I don't hear and see no mandlers...than i realized he knows all about my mandling being real..and one of his jobs is to 'show me the way " to deal with the testing in a way that suits both the researchers who need a steady stream of context and flow..and engagement..reaction to stimuli.
"How would you like it if you were on the other end of a brain computer interface with some guy who just laid their staring at a light fixture..
How the fuk can eric know what a man-ed man thinks about when staring at the blank giant movie screen that is white ceiling
but today i ki9nd of wish eric was around giving me 'ever want to talk looks" because lately i am atagonizing the Mandlers not so much with my output mind to mind..or mind to computer but what i write online..
-what a Proxy writes on line is important for those who are aware of what 'themes" mandlers are 'working upon" concerning the stories and ideas they beam into your noggin...but not your actual brain computer interface back at the imbue.
just what you write online in response to "it'
some things you are supposed to know you can't ever say
...
except as what they call metaphors ..because it's sensative or something concerning the mandling ..especially how you were raised to in fact "go with " the Mandling..
like a dummy i once thought that the computer
the internet
the social media
was like some tool to tell people in power STOP doing this human testing on me and so many others
.and decided - i will write and write of the details people in power to stop this
so u know it's not just me this crazy man ..
i wondered of course why i got all this motivations to write and write .
.and why all the stories were smarter than me ...
only to be tricked by the dirty Mandlers Again!
the writing is just another test!
to see how Proxy might process the stories and say them with words..
it toook mandlers a while to tell me -'what you write online is a big big part of this "brian map" to discover how a human organism makes sense of the world with neural narratives
and noooobdy really gives a damn about your day to day hardships grouwling about being a human subject -
in fact it makes the researchers who are fully aware of your day to day stuff rather annoyed..very annoyed
because they know as well as you know you aren't allowed to write about
the foster parents who did stuff to you.to make you "applicable" to be "app-ed"
it shows a lack of human dignity
even for a piece of human garbage like that is beneath contempt
I say DONT MAKE NO SENSE without the reader understanding i was raised only for this demented testing
but THEY don't think so
TO WHOM ARE YOU REVEALING THIS TO IDIOT
ever notice that one story starts in you than end ..than comes back months later ...unfindable the beginning m middle and end even to yourself
do you know why idiot ?
because I'd rather cut of your own arm than have you make a buck writing stories that aren't even yours
do you know how many DUMBOS are fed the same damn stories by Mandlers !
thousands and thousands !
JUST FOR RESEARCHERS!
to see how the same stories go through someone to interpret
"So" I graph back
people still read them
"trust me ...someone might try to but i assure you they stop after two or three lines..we made sure they didn't GO ANYWHERE .."
"I write the stories to God " i grpah and a pain hits me hard in the side and next in the jaw....
I am now kneeling on the floor..
"WHAT GOD !you idiot ..a God who lets people read your thoughts and shove images in your mind ...Listen Dumbo...you brought this on yourself...
the researchers who must read your stories to understand how you process information
already KNOW how you were raised
it skeeves them out actually..it makes them look at you clinically
with bias
and I think you want that bias ..i think you believe your readings ..and thus this experiemnt is somehow meanginless because certian steps were taken to mold you towwards testing...
but you are wrong
and your attempts to try to make the researchers doubt the validity of your responses as somehow un-natural shows an almost pathological will to destroy things
you fuckin Scumbag
..you should be ashamed telling stories of your childhood ..staged or not
because it makes you into even more of a little freak than you already are
and the fact you don't care
proves you are incapable of functioning as a person who isn't a liability to the entire venture.
A BETTER MAN!..would know what to share and keep to himself..
a very very sick man Dumbo would keep it up
Mind's Eye style
think -"ON" an emoji of a white noise machine
little by little little they give me these puny puny buffers.
but how am i to know they work as real buffe r
because I hear and see no Mnadler interfaes upon my ears and eyes.
am i really supposed to believe i am not being read?
besides the buffers they give me - an emoji of white noise machine ...and a bright red brick wall
THAT'S ALL 2 little symbols
they only make the sound of silence and STOP of visuals atop my natural sight for less than a minute..
NOW DUMBO YOU"RE GONNBA REALLY PAY
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