(1)
" she lived in a part of "town "that has no palm trees on the property..
she had once explain that the less palm trees ..and more "real trees" the higher the house value..
she said a lot in the beginning to pass the time
while driving me around
(I had no car....not a brilliant idea to move to L.A. without a car...)
while driving me around
(I had no car....not a brilliant idea to move to L.A. without a car...)
when you are a passenger in car
you are in some ways the captive of whomever is driving that car
you cannot leap out of a speeding car
nor do you often want to be left wherever you have been taken
you are in some ways the captive of whomever is driving that car
you cannot leap out of a speeding car
nor do you often want to be left wherever you have been taken
somehow I knew 'I had been taken' by Vallerie and taken in by her promises of
California Gold
little by little I was to learn things i never wanted to know about by parentage
and the way i was kept always in the basement of whatever foster home I was in with just a Tv and crayons and paper..
according to valerie
the powers that be NEEDED to understand how a child might turn out if only raised on sound and image and cues
California Gold
little by little I was to learn things i never wanted to know about by parentage
and the way i was kept always in the basement of whatever foster home I was in with just a Tv and crayons and paper..
according to valerie
the powers that be NEEDED to understand how a child might turn out if only raised on sound and image and cues
and symbols
she went on to tell me about a little boy who scientists decided could not and would not be touched by his placed parental "team' nor shown any love by them
to see if the little boy would seek love and comfort only from the raiant light of the Tv...and the soothing sound of
something "human" that represented "the world at large"
based on something called harlow monkey tests and terry cloth.
those poor poor little boys and girls she smiled..
those poor poor little freaks
she went on to tell me about a little boy who scientists decided could not and would not be touched by his placed parental "team' nor shown any love by them
to see if the little boy would seek love and comfort only from the raiant light of the Tv...and the soothing sound of
something "human" that represented "the world at large"
based on something called harlow monkey tests and terry cloth.
those poor poor little boys and girls she smiled..
those poor poor little freaks
the very way she was acting toward me changed as if every block or two was a channel change in her personality
and on each few blocks I would see people who looked like they were from tv...not actors
but people who dressed or walked like "the Fonz" or Julie on the "Love boat..or Mrs partrige...dressed just the same....
i tried not to let it show that i was seeing anything odd as we drove through west hollywood and on toward santa moncia ..
nor did I ask her why her tone and pitch of voice and personality changed ...as she talked and talked and talked..
I was scared...as there was something else going on with some feeling i had in my mind that somehow was switching back and forth LIKE Valerie's odd pantomime..
and also i was thinking of my childhood now because in some ways I too was always for some reason put in the basement ...because I was either bad or in the way..
and was i this freak she was talking about.
it made no sense she would be calling me this freak ...no sense becaus eshe was being so nice some times...and than so mean..and than so playful and than somehow so sad.
none of what valerie was doing had anything to do with how anyone behaves even on Tv except in bad movies where people are playing at being insane ...
more and more I looked out the window of the car to be distracted..and all through the long drive every few blocks would be someone who looked like someone on Tv than the people began looking like people i knew..very very specifically ..and Valerie by than was watching me try not to respond ..like she knew while telling me a story about the people who created Tv
.."even if is just static it appeals to the most infantile and also primitive parts of our brain The WATCH and HEAR BE ALERT part of us when tigers or bears might be outside the cave this device when turned on infers WATCH! something is happening.!..even if displays only lines and dots dancing around one feels impelled to watch it ...it's a weapon ...and it will be a mightier one still if we add song and dance ..to the show *Do you know who said that Valerie asked..No i said glad she was talking normal and AT ME
"Your son said that in 1884 to your Poppa Mamma
Paul Julius Gottlieb Nipkow,,German engineering student, who patented the world's first mechanical television system in 1884.
and on each few blocks I would see people who looked like they were from tv...not actors
but people who dressed or walked like "the Fonz" or Julie on the "Love boat..or Mrs partrige...dressed just the same....
i tried not to let it show that i was seeing anything odd as we drove through west hollywood and on toward santa moncia ..
nor did I ask her why her tone and pitch of voice and personality changed ...as she talked and talked and talked..
I was scared...as there was something else going on with some feeling i had in my mind that somehow was switching back and forth LIKE Valerie's odd pantomime..
and also i was thinking of my childhood now because in some ways I too was always for some reason put in the basement ...because I was either bad or in the way..
and was i this freak she was talking about.
it made no sense she would be calling me this freak ...no sense becaus eshe was being so nice some times...and than so mean..and than so playful and than somehow so sad.
none of what valerie was doing had anything to do with how anyone behaves even on Tv except in bad movies where people are playing at being insane ...
more and more I looked out the window of the car to be distracted..and all through the long drive every few blocks would be someone who looked like someone on Tv than the people began looking like people i knew..very very specifically ..and Valerie by than was watching me try not to respond ..like she knew while telling me a story about the people who created Tv
.."even if is just static it appeals to the most infantile and also primitive parts of our brain The WATCH and HEAR BE ALERT part of us when tigers or bears might be outside the cave this device when turned on infers WATCH! something is happening.!..even if displays only lines and dots dancing around one feels impelled to watch it ...it's a weapon ...and it will be a mightier one still if we add song and dance ..to the show *Do you know who said that Valerie asked..No i said glad she was talking normal and AT ME
"Your son said that in 1884 to your Poppa Mamma
Paul Julius Gottlieb Nipkow,,German engineering student, who patented the world's first mechanical television system in 1884.
"How did she know about Poppa Momma ?" was all i could think..
the name of a little double faced blue space am type of knitted sock "teddy bear" that the only nice person i ever knew during my childhood had given to me ..hand made ..a babysitter named Francis
who said the name of the space man was Poppa Momma ..and if I ever felt afraid or sad or threatened by my foster parents
Poppa Momma who had one face of a man looking alien face and the other of a female alien looking face.
would save me
the name of a little double faced blue space am type of knitted sock "teddy bear" that the only nice person i ever knew during my childhood had given to me ..hand made ..a babysitter named Francis
who said the name of the space man was Poppa Momma ..and if I ever felt afraid or sad or threatened by my foster parents
Poppa Momma who had one face of a man looking alien face and the other of a female alien looking face.
would save me
----------------
Valerie Prentis mixes herself a drink,
her place is huge.the room is huge,she is slender and pretty and clean.
.she moves around alot ,she has grace and poise,..and all that descriptive shit you read in novels
the are flowers around and large pieces of art everywhere,on the floor ,on the walls)
i am in Valerie's big shiny kitchen,.
like it's either more intimate there ..or she doesn't want me to get my poverty somehow on her couch or something
.she is looking at her laptop shaking her head"oh dear" she says .I assumed she was looking at my art. cause that's why I was called there.
when some wealthy woman from a movie studio calls you ..
you feel some kind of calling..
it's absurd to be impressed with such things.
but
damn is all you're thinking...all you want is some wheel to start moving...to "make you something"
and I'm like standing there wondering at the same thing...how in the old days before tv and movies and magazines and stuff if people were taught that some ...wheel of fortune ,fame, appearances ...
were needed to feel
her place is huge.the room is huge,she is slender and pretty and clean.
.she moves around alot ,she has grace and poise,..and all that descriptive shit you read in novels
the are flowers around and large pieces of art everywhere,on the floor ,on the walls)
i am in Valerie's big shiny kitchen,.
like it's either more intimate there ..or she doesn't want me to get my poverty somehow on her couch or something
.she is looking at her laptop shaking her head"oh dear" she says .I assumed she was looking at my art. cause that's why I was called there.
when some wealthy woman from a movie studio calls you ..
you feel some kind of calling..
it's absurd to be impressed with such things.
but
damn is all you're thinking...all you want is some wheel to start moving...to "make you something"
and I'm like standing there wondering at the same thing...how in the old days before tv and movies and magazines and stuff if people were taught that some ...wheel of fortune ,fame, appearances ...
were needed to feel
felt up in some way..
well she's looking at the lap top and I assume she's looking at this nasty little web site I had given up on keeping up with years ago...and I begin to say so...when I notice she's not looking at any art online but words....from this little blog I started back than..
"this writing of yours really must stop.." she says
"how can we do our job with this going on and on ?"Valerie pauses and looks at me seriously,but smiles,"and on"
she's a friend one of 'them"I realize
and -to "them" I am "one of THEM" as well
"this writing of yours really must stop.." she says
"how can we do our job with this going on and on ?"Valerie pauses and looks at me seriously,but smiles,"and on"
she's a friend one of 'them"I realize
and -to "them" I am "one of THEM" as well
this had all began years ago.
with me and them
and than I was told..
ooooh nooo
it began before you were born Dumbo..
you're mother was a rrrrreal piece..
I had grown up in foster homes and what are considered group homes..
and treated very much like a Piece as well..
if you know what I mean....and Christ I hope you don't.reader-
with me and them
and than I was told..
ooooh nooo
it began before you were born Dumbo..
you're mother was a rrrrreal piece..
I had grown up in foster homes and what are considered group homes..
and treated very much like a Piece as well..
if you know what I mean....and Christ I hope you don't.reader-
I had been warned (my apartment broken into,drugged,arrested under false charges)
that it not a "good idea' for me to write about my unfortunate "run ins" with the establishment
nor about CUE-ING and HOLLYWOOD REFERENTIALS in tv and movies
and how I was raised to respond to such-
that it not a "good idea' for me to write about my unfortunate "run ins" with the establishment
nor about CUE-ING and HOLLYWOOD REFERENTIALS in tv and movies
and how I was raised to respond to such-
so how could I not?
(2)
I moved to Hollywood again
years after what crazy stuff a bunch of "damn if I know who these people thought they were"
said ..
the reason my boyfriend at the time brought me to L.A. was so I could basically
suck dick
literally.
and do lots of drugs ..and just be kept..
years after what crazy stuff a bunch of "damn if I know who these people thought they were"
said ..
the reason my boyfriend at the time brought me to L.A. was so I could basically
suck dick
literally.
and do lots of drugs ..and just be kept..
I'd been kept and had to suck dick since I was a teenager to survive
and had moved to L.A. to start over...
and get off drugs....and cause I was like in love with this dude..
who it turns out ...just was some guy ...
essentially bringing across state lines and shit..
and had moved to L.A. to start over...
and get off drugs....and cause I was like in love with this dude..
who it turns out ...just was some guy ...
essentially bringing across state lines and shit..
well ... this love interest ran off...
and I ran about as far away as I could get from this little circle of guys who ..stuch a gun in my mouth and said ...
who do you think you are...loser ..you ain't even that hot..
and we can make you a lot less hot than you think you are you arrogant prick with one phone call....and a baseball bat across your fuckin nose
and I ran about as far away as I could get from this little circle of guys who ..stuch a gun in my mouth and said ...
who do you think you are...loser ..you ain't even that hot..
and we can make you a lot less hot than you think you are you arrogant prick with one phone call....and a baseball bat across your fuckin nose
2011-
.... and had begun writing about the LAPD and Monarch programming and some odd deals the LAPD seemed to have with a "church" I had once belonged to
"there are things in the world .there are things in the world.",she quickly laments,she laments quickly because it is clear to me this woman has never lamented about anything in her life.
She had invited me there to discuss buying some of my art.
I see the artwork on her walls...and quickly realize that whatever she might buy from me would be stored in some basement somewhere.
She had invited me there to discuss buying some of my art.
I see the artwork on her walls...and quickly realize that whatever she might buy from me would be stored in some basement somewhere.
She is looking both at some slides I brought along not realizing this meeting seemed to be more about what I had written online that what I had painted on any canvas
Christ only knows I need money..my stipend for what art I was supposed to be doing in was to come to an abrupt end.
as the Gallery that I assumed had enough of a backlog of my art ...didn't need a constant flow of new work
to keep the stipend going
Christ only knows I need money..my stipend for what art I was supposed to be doing in was to come to an abrupt end.
as the Gallery that I assumed had enough of a backlog of my art ...didn't need a constant flow of new work
to keep the stipend going
Valerie Prentis snapped her laptop closed, not longer feigning interest in my art and said "my husband was taken away by such things..such things as writing things he had no business writing"
"taken away?"i asked
"don't ask, as they say"she said
"and for christs sake don't tell."
"Megan ",Valerie said "a close friend of mine had an experience with aliens.have you ever considered that this incident you describe was of that persuasion "she looks at me nodding,like i should nod back and keep nodding,which I do,she smiles",well these aliens wrecked havoc on poor megan,.until she had no idea what side was what..She had some brief encounter on a cruise somewhere off the gulf of mexico,if you ask me it was consensual..her communion...her communion with the Entities ...well,she couldnt stop talking about it.illuminati this and that alien this alien that..until nobody wanted to know her.At first the stories were amusing and often she literally i mean literally floated 3 feet off the floor when recounting her travails,, and than it was just 'jesus christ dont invite megan to the labor day party or we'll have to hear about THAT again.levitation or no levitation.know what i mean.."
"don't ask, as they say"she said
"and for christs sake don't tell."
"Megan ",Valerie said "a close friend of mine had an experience with aliens.have you ever considered that this incident you describe was of that persuasion "she looks at me nodding,like i should nod back and keep nodding,which I do,she smiles",well these aliens wrecked havoc on poor megan,.until she had no idea what side was what..She had some brief encounter on a cruise somewhere off the gulf of mexico,if you ask me it was consensual..her communion...her communion with the Entities ...well,she couldnt stop talking about it.illuminati this and that alien this alien that..until nobody wanted to know her.At first the stories were amusing and often she literally i mean literally floated 3 feet off the floor when recounting her travails,, and than it was just 'jesus christ dont invite megan to the labor day party or we'll have to hear about THAT again.levitation or no levitation.know what i mean.."
"what the fuck is the crazy bitch talking about"was all I could think,now desperate to get out of their.
she looked at me .and just stopped.just plain stopped her airs,her act,her mannerisms.she looked like she might shake me but instead her voice got warmer but also stronger ,her eye contact didnt waiver ..
"you must somehow move on...it isnt healthy,and to be honest its dangerous.one doesnt fuck with the unknown.what we must work on is the here and now.art.the subject now is art."
"i cant do it,"" i say
"you cant do it the same way youve done it.i say we throw money at the situation.real money.no more of this fly by your pants nonsense.i see a big wide opened room white and bright.a large living space where ever you might like to be ,a city,in the country,,enough money for you to live like a human being.Inside the real world not cut off from it.maybe than you won't return" to that "so much..and just keep it where it should be.."she relaxs her stance and her light smile returns
"you must somehow move on...it isnt healthy,and to be honest its dangerous.one doesnt fuck with the unknown.what we must work on is the here and now.art.the subject now is art."
"i cant do it,"" i say
"you cant do it the same way youve done it.i say we throw money at the situation.real money.no more of this fly by your pants nonsense.i see a big wide opened room white and bright.a large living space where ever you might like to be ,a city,in the country,,enough money for you to live like a human being.Inside the real world not cut off from it.maybe than you won't return" to that "so much..and just keep it where it should be.."she relaxs her stance and her light smile returns
"how much money do you want for four of "those things" ?"she says flicking her hand at the lap top,I noticed a look on her face that certainly indicated what she thought "about those things"on the webpage.
"I'll let you think about which of "those things" you might like"i say.
"Listen up ," Valerie said,"Don't let me think too long .Not about THIS"
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