.Dr K. says I was given ample proof of the need for limited input in my past “runway from home” outbursts  with mind  tech. and I should by now appreciate the safety net of XXXX ,Liam and Eli and the rest  when the Tele-Presenters get a wee bit carried away  overwhelming  my senses with  fear and altered states of  consciousness to deceive my understanding of  reality . Dr K. says “We can’t very well have you in the streets again stark naked, at least without some upper body work”. Researchers believe it is necessary I be kept on quite a short leash for my own “peace of mind”in case things get too “Brainstorm meets Exorcist ‘ concerning Mandler roleplaying  ‘Dr K says he has  often wondered what he  might do to me with Mind to Mind when I  lash out and try to Ruin the testing .To be fair to the researchers they do often let me hob knob with the local gentry not involved in the neuro research .I am encouraged to  “go out and about’ to drink and do enough drugs publicly every few months to help veil my entrainment as “drug induced psychosis “. If I do not help mask my jottings as the ramble of a meth freak  or lost soul with  a  garden variety Thought Disorder I cannot write online at all  only in the many notebooks I keep in a small trunk at the foot of my bed .

I am not allowed to write of my travails too much as fiction lest someone aware of this technology and the tactics  of those giving this tech  a spin by  using the subjects as demonstration models believe my writing is but me dreaming up some Prick Lit based on nothing but a composite of films and novels I have seen on the topic of Brain Computer Interface,human testing and “mind control’ .No chapters allowed.Nothing that resembles linear narrative .We need your pain and suffering and mental breakdown to read in your account .

CHAPTER 2 DENNY PACE

The moon was unfinished  .Uneven in it’s roundedness .Missing a peace of itself . Was it stolen by those who stole me ?  Beneath it’s spot light I knew not where to stand .I needed direction now .I needed to fight this direction .And follow it  .All at once .All at twice I boarded the train ,hiking up my collar ,lowering my cap .The less of me that showed the better .Or was it the other way around .”All aboard,” the conductor yelled .So many conductors were in me.It was good to see one outside .I wanted to touch his uniform .I needed to feel reality . My madness synthesized or not was steeped in me ,Cordaroy .Cordarye .Cordi-cal.I get off the train.i turn back . there is nothing for me outside of the testing.there is no reality but the testing.and I have failed them.i have failed my team.

 I am nothing but a thing to these monsters who think I am a monster for not proceeding with my tirades against this Food Critic as to cause a ruckus amongst fellow “born for science “fodder.I have seen enough to know if ruckus is what the Powers that Seed want they will “act out ‘ upon the Food Critic themselves If they so very much want to make him represent why did they not just give him the facts on rare cooking ? why make him some kind of “point of reference” only for the victims of rare food poisoning? The team insists that this is how these things work concerning touchy no touch topics.. ..be warned Food Critic that you have been made a conundrum in the thousands of Proxies being tested... it is you or him..let it be me …let it be me than ..I shall not proceed with the Food Critic entries contained in the binder sent to me In april..before the Rare Cooking article came out  ...I have burned the horrible text.And this behavior indicates to my team I am weak .Unmanly .a better man of worth and texture would in fact want the food critic to get his just desserts.Let him eat in peace.desserts and other things.

Chapter 4 DUMBO

You might think smoking crack in the alleyways or outside of clubs and mini marts  without much  fear of being carted off is a perk of being made human fodder for neurotechnolog research but you would be wrong . Without the help of neuro modulation I am not very good at maintaining . In recent years Proxy Cyber knowing my limitations has seen to it that I am given help shading my In Plain Sight account with numerous arrests ,court dates and legal fees for possession and distribution charges for the safety of the project  .My indulging occasionally in inhaled stimulation according to “teams” is helpful or will be to the many vets who come home needing a fix of adrenalin not often felt stateside and succumb to the allure of street drugs for neurobiological strategies to fix their neural pathways misaligned now  from such partakings.

The researchers shared with me their belief  it was a  necessary evil for me to use illicit drugs  so I could and would have an ingrained sense I was doing my own part destroying my own brain cells that had nothing whatsoever to do with the ELF ,EMF or Scalar Waves that allow the brain computer interface to work ‘wirelessly” so my resentments at going the way of Charly  in due time ,as the “work” progressed would be lessened .

Proxy Cyber has thought of everything to make my situation easier including quite a few forced hospitalizations –a rigged art career  as cwwwwwwazy Outsida’ and a documented history of substance use (real or imagined) -to reaffirm my status as unreliable narrator.

Presumably my online journal of being  tortured with psychophysics weapons is benefit to the many teams who want to stay as far away from paper trail as possible .preferring the lab rat himself or herself provide the necessary  documentation of their own demise.

 Flowers for Algernon  ! Die rat die .

(according to Mandlers Algernon didn’t die painlessly .His face was cut off while he was still  alive for looking too much in the mirror.His fingers were cut off for trying to make markings on the side of his cage wall to ask for help.

The pain readings little Algernon gave via interface  according to Mandlers to pay for his transgressions more than made up for his over preening and vermin like thoughts to scientists trying to make the world a better place with brain mapping ,thought decoding and cybernetic control of the mammalian organism with voice and visual mnemonic symbolism  .His pain readings allowed the researchers to sleep well at night knowing Algernon had never seen it coming although told again and again to ‘cease and desist” Charly as well did not die painlessly for having the nerve to use his machine inspired intelligence to spout of his political ,social and technological rhetoric to others with pessimistic weal against “The New Way” )

 Supposedly I am not missing out on anything of value that has not been simulated by the roommates and the placed persons outside the house meant to interact with me peripherally .It’s all good is what Proxy Cyber is saying and it’s me making the worst of this unique situation . It is me who in spite of frequencies meant to override my qualms and resentment of being little more than a human computational device for behavioral and neurobiological research is over reacting and over estimating life outside of the studies the household participants represent .None of their reactions are canned or fake .They are not “playing the part” of introvert,extrovert , alpha male  etc..their reactions to me are based only on their core personality traits .Nobody is coddling me .Proxy Cyber wants me to understand it’s not in their best interest me transmitting via direct neural interface false reads.Nor reads meant to be mocking to the project or the players trying their best to not think of this as  a clinical exercise but an experience .You are not the only one who has been asked to sacrifice something here is the gist .Never mind these maniacs volunteered and I didn’t. Never mind THEY don’t have biotech in their neurons and I do! Is it my fault that my thinking as this never ending mindfuk keeps going is   based more and more on what Proxy Cy calls oppositional defiance disorders proven time and time again by my lack of respect for the project .So sorry Proxy Cyber that I want all that sh*t you show on TV concerning love,job,car driving ,LIFE not life this house….and maybe I wouldn’t have called Wendy  Ms .Mengele with a  Whole Foods twist or told her one day her children are going to find out she willing tortured human subjects peppering my interactions and inner monologue  with self talk  and face to face verbiage of predictive response,ape-ing ,heuristic attribute expression .

Wendy started crying and packed up her yoga mat and thesis paper telling Taylor ,’Nothing is worse this”.

A think she called me .The truth finally came out I told Eli who said I was a monster and should be put down . Eli apologized that night bringing me a present of a Fitbit . I am a Fitbit I said throwing the gift on the floor . XXXX now wears it after he took the components out saying he doesn’t want the EMF that makes it work too close to his person .

“That’s sometimes how I feel about you Dumbo when we sleep together .Like you’re this cell phone too close to my skull”

At least XXXX jokes about it .XXXX hates Eli and Liam .Calls them silver spoon  social workers who don’t even need to work .Wendy he likes a little more but less than Amy who was basically was Wendy as a blonde. Amy actually left the house because she found the entire neural prosthetic thing un –Godly .She actually prayed for me in front of me giving me a copy of her Bible.Cried for me .Pat my head and everything . After she left they sent me to this special psychiatrist who said that Amy was unbalanced..and it was their mistake to not screen her.And they apologize for exposing me to Amy .And what can they do to earn back my trust.