"so How did you and this "entity" meet" My Dr asked
the dr. has a smile on his face.as if he loves the looniness of it all..he almost seems to come when I explain ...that the entity..zipped through me...first appearing as an actor I "liked" on TV..an actor my mentors had gauged I would be "into"
Doc doesn't have to explain to me that engaging with the TV is just one of the many questions a Psychiatric Intake worker will ask a "subject" to gauge their degree of Psychosis..I am agrevated that doc sometimes seems to "get off" on my "tales of psychotronic human experimentation" and cannot help but think him a fool.I ask myself if I would "wish it upon " him...and often have wished I had access to "tagging" devices to even fro one hour show another what it is like being a fuckin science project for a bunch of big wig grand poobah types with both ties to Hollywood and Washington and McDonald's and shit...but whose main aim it seems is to do like stamina tests to see how long one can take "it" before punching someone or breaking a window or taking their own life...
"or changing into a gentler,kinder, more patient and giving version of themselves,"some faggoty generically drawn what I suppose is supposed to be some fairy says appearing above the dr';s rubber tree plant.."
usually the visuals are more striking
none of us are trying too hard lately..
Intraneural Interface is a bitch in the summer.
the days are simply too long
and the heat too high
I look at an ashtray on the drs desk and imagine it flipping over like I'm Carrie White
...uh oh..the mentors hate projections and thoughts such as that...
or when I go to sleep visualizing satellites taking a tumble..
this type of thought can bring out the helicopters..
for there is evidence that synthesized telepathy can bring about "real thing" events...
I graph an apology ,,a true one for that ashtray flipping thought..
and a smiley face appears..
I suddenly want to leave the shreink's office and hang around
Evan outside
where he can graph more awesome visuals...
and raise my mood to wild levels..
only psychotronics can activate that 90 percent we don't use..
or so I've been graphed..
but deemed to much of a slacker and potential Ruiner to "play with " those aspects..
my mentors
aren't crazy about this shrink they prefer the other one
as do I...
they hate that I take Ativan to try to run away from the intensity
"we didn't actually "meet" not in the way one traditionally meets another..in fact I am quite sure it was and isn't him but simply a configuration of "the him " he projects or acts in a specific program..he first came to me as technological "vision" also I believe haptics were used.Specifically Vortex technology...so I felt him as well...on top of me...he held me down"
"did you like being held down?"The Dr.asked. we had gone into my sexual history...as much of the "Introduction to Cybernetics" the initial engagement is the "promise of pleasure...not pain"
"at first I did,like it..the actor why he initially appealed to me was because he emitted a kind of power...I am often quite passive and sometimes like the feeling of being tossed about..but this is a fantasy .when someone in real life tries to be this way I don't like it at all.."
"But ,"the dr said ,"this wasn't real life...you say just a simulated experience..you know a lot of people would like that ,to never be alone...always have "Harvey" with them."
His name isn't Harvey it's-"I begin to say
"You never saw Harvey?The movie where Jimmy Stewart is befriended by a giant rabbit that nobody else can see.."
"no " I say
well,he says Harvey is like "this alien "of yours that seems to follow you about...and teach you"
"Teach me? he's not trying to teach me he seems to be running my mind ragged ...to Clear it out enough that it becomes.."
Cured??the doctor says
one of his diagnoses is that I have
Oppositional defiant disorder
- an ongoing pattern of anger-guided disobedience, hostility, and defiant behavior toward authority figures which goes beyond the bounds of normal childhood behavior. Children suffering from this disorder may appear very stubborn and often angry. A diagnosis of ODD cannot be given if the child presents with conduct disorder Common features of oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) include excessive, often persistent anger, frequent temper tantrums or angry outbursts, as well as disregard for authority.
especially towards my situation
of mentorship
he has said on more than one occasion he can imagine how this might "come off" toward my Mentors....who most of the time he recognizes as Imaginary...or as some illness..
sometimes however he speaks about THEM as TRUE ENTITIES that must not be questioned...and I wonder where he has gotten this new lease on a "leashed life"
On the subject of Oppositional whatever it's called I tell him that ketamine and crack calm me down...not this shitty Ativan..and that fuck yes I have defiant opposition towards some monsters who put nano inserts in my bloodstream...
the Dr takes out a green book .that says dsm on it and puts on some tiny reading glasses ..and reads a grown up or child with ODD
he sounds LIKE THEM who endless give me a list of all the wonderful things this intrusive technology can and is being developed for ..
Evan when he is not shouting for me to jump off a building or something (sorry Dumbo but you MAKE me sooo angry I don't know how else to defend MY SIDE of the interface.."do you ever think about that...do you ever think about me or us for one moment?..He sounds like some bitchy boyfriend...he thinks I am so lame and stupid to not know that there are or must be buffers of all sorts ...
his tone changes .."yeah yeah Dumbo YOU KNOW EVERYTHING DOTCHA! they just release endless documents about patented discrete technologies...you know shit dumbo.....you know about as much about this as any douchebag who has read some article in god damn Time magazine..
I refocus my eyes...no matter whatever Evan says I am getting g better at IT ...also I have founbd ways of deflecting my mind like a Brian De Palma splitscreen
of thought at times to not TMI too much ....and make Evan fume with the randomness of my "dumbo dummy defiant" brain
the dr. has a smile on his face.as if he loves the looniness of it all..he almost seems to come when I explain ...that the entity..zipped through me...first appearing as an actor I "liked" on TV..an actor my mentors had gauged I would be "into"
Doc doesn't have to explain to me that engaging with the TV is just one of the many questions a Psychiatric Intake worker will ask a "subject" to gauge their degree of Psychosis..I am agrevated that doc sometimes seems to "get off" on my "tales of psychotronic human experimentation" and cannot help but think him a fool.I ask myself if I would "wish it upon " him...and often have wished I had access to "tagging" devices to even fro one hour show another what it is like being a fuckin science project for a bunch of big wig grand poobah types with both ties to Hollywood and Washington and McDonald's and shit...but whose main aim it seems is to do like stamina tests to see how long one can take "it" before punching someone or breaking a window or taking their own life...
"or changing into a gentler,kinder, more patient and giving version of themselves,"some faggoty generically drawn what I suppose is supposed to be some fairy says appearing above the dr';s rubber tree plant.."
usually the visuals are more striking
none of us are trying too hard lately..
Intraneural Interface is a bitch in the summer.
the days are simply too long
and the heat too high
I look at an ashtray on the drs desk and imagine it flipping over like I'm Carrie White
...uh oh..the mentors hate projections and thoughts such as that...
or when I go to sleep visualizing satellites taking a tumble..
this type of thought can bring out the helicopters..
for there is evidence that synthesized telepathy can bring about "real thing" events...
I graph an apology ,,a true one for that ashtray flipping thought..
and a smiley face appears..
I suddenly want to leave the shreink's office and hang around
Evan outside
where he can graph more awesome visuals...
and raise my mood to wild levels..
only psychotronics can activate that 90 percent we don't use..
or so I've been graphed..
but deemed to much of a slacker and potential Ruiner to "play with " those aspects..
my mentors
aren't crazy about this shrink they prefer the other one
as do I...
they hate that I take Ativan to try to run away from the intensity
"we didn't actually "meet" not in the way one traditionally meets another..in fact I am quite sure it was and isn't him but simply a configuration of "the him " he projects or acts in a specific program..he first came to me as technological "vision" also I believe haptics were used.Specifically Vortex technology...so I felt him as well...on top of me...he held me down"
"did you like being held down?"The Dr.asked. we had gone into my sexual history...as much of the "Introduction to Cybernetics" the initial engagement is the "promise of pleasure...not pain"
"at first I did,like it..the actor why he initially appealed to me was because he emitted a kind of power...I am often quite passive and sometimes like the feeling of being tossed about..but this is a fantasy .when someone in real life tries to be this way I don't like it at all.."
"But ,"the dr said ,"this wasn't real life...you say just a simulated experience..you know a lot of people would like that ,to never be alone...always have "Harvey" with them."
His name isn't Harvey it's-"I begin to say
"You never saw Harvey?The movie where Jimmy Stewart is befriended by a giant rabbit that nobody else can see.."
"no " I say
well,he says Harvey is like "this alien "of yours that seems to follow you about...and teach you"
"Teach me? he's not trying to teach me he seems to be running my mind ragged ...to Clear it out enough that it becomes.."
Cured??the doctor says
one of his diagnoses is that I have
Oppositional defiant disorder
- an ongoing pattern of anger-guided disobedience, hostility, and defiant behavior toward authority figures which goes beyond the bounds of normal childhood behavior. Children suffering from this disorder may appear very stubborn and often angry. A diagnosis of ODD cannot be given if the child presents with conduct disorder Common features of oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) include excessive, often persistent anger, frequent temper tantrums or angry outbursts, as well as disregard for authority.
especially towards my situation
of mentorship
he has said on more than one occasion he can imagine how this might "come off" toward my Mentors....who most of the time he recognizes as Imaginary...or as some illness..
sometimes however he speaks about THEM as TRUE ENTITIES that must not be questioned...and I wonder where he has gotten this new lease on a "leashed life"
On the subject of Oppositional whatever it's called I tell him that ketamine and crack calm me down...not this shitty Ativan..and that fuck yes I have defiant opposition towards some monsters who put nano inserts in my bloodstream...
the Dr takes out a green book .that says dsm on it and puts on some tiny reading glasses ..and reads a grown up or child with ODD - Actively refuses to comply with majority's requests or consensus-supported rules[9]
- Performs actions deliberately to annoy others[9]
- Angry and resentful of others[7]
- Argues often[7]
- Blames others for his or her own mistakes[10]
- Often loses temper[10]
- Touchy or easily annoyed[10]
he sounds LIKE THEM who endless give me a list of all the wonderful things this intrusive technology can and is being developed for ..
Evan when he is not shouting for me to jump off a building or something (sorry Dumbo but you MAKE me sooo angry I don't know how else to defend MY SIDE of the interface.."do you ever think about that...do you ever think about me or us for one moment?..He sounds like some bitchy boyfriend...he thinks I am so lame and stupid to not know that there are or must be buffers of all sorts ...
his tone changes .."yeah yeah Dumbo YOU KNOW EVERYTHING DOTCHA! they just release endless documents about patented discrete technologies...you know shit dumbo.....you know about as much about this as any douchebag who has read some article in god damn Time magazine..
I refocus my eyes...no matter whatever Evan says I am getting g better at IT ...also I have founbd ways of deflecting my mind like a Brian De Palma splitscreen
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