he had waited..to come back...for years now..to be "ok"
but that wasn't the point ...
him ever being ok.
the point was this

him writing online about tortured,

(2)

they needed advertisements...
ready made Targets to tell their woefull stories day after day year after year...
to whom?

to Lockheed. To Northrup. To Westinghouse.

to potential investors in "The New Way"
so long as he didn't try to tell of the other things..that made him......
he was not so frightened
the programs he was in and what was done to him as a kid ...to make him and break him into little pieces ...that stuff isnt allowed..

oh it's allowed for teams and researchers and 'handers to do any damn thing they want to you..
but you talking or writing about it
no way
"
(3)
Oh he had been through the mazes...of Front Groups..and small bits of placed intrigue to keep him going..
People in Inteligence are not so dumb as Dumbo.

(4)
yeah he waited for sometrhing ...mainly 'it" to end..
and he finds himself going back to the beginning...more and more as their is no going forward...
To the hotel rooms and the men..
and before that to the bedrooms of his Foster parents who made him ready for the "man"
and the life of living off Men in Black Slacks..
being their game...*

the ones he always need to turn to...
now he knows were the same kind...

(5)
It started when he was very small..
but he was never treated as small except that him being small made it easiest for them to hold down
it was neccesary he always be held down
so never would he try to fight back...
the stories they..his various foster parents told him were wrose in many ways than the hitting and being held down
stories about little boys who said anything they shouldnt to anyone about what went on "at home" were put in fridegrators ...and the boys couldn't get out of them...these fridgeratorsa people wthrough away..
my foster father showed me new articles about these kids who died in the fridgerators ...not because they were playting in them but because their parents found out they were telling

(6)
they try to reason with me...and it is reasonable...that if i go into the other aspects of being raised to be used for all this sick testing ...than nobody might ever believ the stuff i say about my current situatiu=ion with the neuro ands direct energy tech..me and othe rTIs go on about....well I don't belive anyone gives a good God damn about TIs except a s written census of this bizarre weaponry. FOR THEIR USE as document..not our own...so does it matter except that ...as i get more tired daily from being essentially vivisected by EMF aimed over and over at me..and lose more and more ....sense of being...and now even caring who i was ..am...with no will be ...at in store beside .....one day I won't be able to awaken....I feel for my own ..good just ..to remind myself of the no good that has been always around me...that I am doing what I can to ...not become like handler..mentors...and would rather die than be cast in their show to gang stalk or hurt another...those lessoned in it..know exactly what to do....they use the ones they have used up...to "play with others'...they assume you long for some HE MAN commaradierie to say welcome...you have passed some test...
nonsense they think of you as human garbage they just want u with no sense of your being "better than them" because you are "too good" to do what they do..
*BZ is a glycolate anticholinergic compound related to atropine, scopolamine, hyoscyamine, and other deliriants. Dispersal would be as an aerosolized solid (primarily for inhalation) or as agent dissolved in one or more solvents for ingestion or percutaneous absorption.

Acting as a competitive inhibitor of acetylcholine at postsynaptic and postjunctional muscarinic receptor sites in smooth muscle, exocrine glands, autonomic ganglia, and the brain, BZ decreases the effective concentration of acetylcholine seen by receptors at these sites. Thus, BZ causes PNS effects that in general are the opposite of those seen in nerve agent poisoning. CNS effects include stupor, confusion, and confabulation with concrete and panoramic illusions and hallucinations, and with regression to primitive, involuntary behaviors.