when i first started seeing the shrink
he thought I was 'saner" than i was
I looked Better after coming back from L.A. where I got 'sick" from the VOICES
after not hearing them since 1995

this time was totally different
the voices wanted me to think of them as Brain interface
it was crazy
they like - seemed to - want me to use the computer
to write
--
like some stephen king like guy
being controlled by some alter ego / something

it ended up with me in an LA loony bin
this time I had a lease..for once like a real person
--
so they couldn't just send me back to Philly on a bus like in 1994..
both times the voices started in L.A.///

i should NOT !!!!! have gone back there
but I 'met' this woman online who worked for a movie studio ..

and she knew I was having a hard time living where I was
and at the time I was getting some money on top of the SSI for mental disability

_ which I had TURNED OFF ..
so to not get in trouble ..

having both,,

well - I guess the VOICES thing
was about STIGMA -

the dr. said

that some where in me I thought it would be COOLER
to be a TEST SUBJECT than a person with a Thought Disorder....

neither seems too cool to me
I said
have you seen how the so called TARGETED INDIVIDUAL is depicted on GOOGLE

it's like ewwwww..

so i said ..
why would anyone want to identify with TI
..
the doctor let it pass
and said do I THINK as FAST as I Talk
when I type ?

I said NO , the typing slows me down

"Ah Hah he said THAT is why you type.."

Ah hah I wanted to say before I stopped seeing him

"and what good is this doing me ?"