Monday, September 17, 2018
אַבָּא
the walls a happy shade of rose.big windows ,
i had paid more for his room
so his big window faced a man made pond.not the parking lot of obligated visitors
sons and daughters and grandsons and daughters with chocolate and flowers.
looking at the watch in their minds of how fast their visit to dad ,or grand dad could "count" as "good"
or count to good enough to inherit
or good enuf to count to their conscious of doing the right thing.
i had paid more for his room
so his big window faced a man made pond.not the parking lot of obligated visitors
sons and daughters and grandsons and daughters with chocolate and flowers.
looking at the watch in their minds of how fast their visit to dad ,or grand dad could "count" as "good"
or count to good enough to inherit
or good enuf to count to their conscious of doing the right thing.
since getting alzheimers my father had begun talking for the first time in "real sentences"
not symbiotic imprint
there was no script now that his mind had gone "random"
not symbiotic imprint
there was no script now that his mind had gone "random"
there were other memebers of "the group"in this particular "home"
other scientists
other followers of ..."symbiotics"
other scientists
other followers of ..."symbiotics"
other scripted fathers (now grandfathers) and mothers(now grandmothers)
who had participated in "the Format System"of child rearing
now in it's 3rd generation of practice
who had participated in "the Format System"of child rearing
now in it's 3rd generation of practice
i was used to dad talkin crazy
all my life
but since
alzheimers. he was finally talking sane
finally telling the truth
alzheimers. he was finally talking sane
finally telling the truth
"The book you know as "sliver" was written by Dr Avi Kraussman in 1951..during Dr Sal Cohen's experiemnts with Recognized Television .They called it *roject *aperclip..it was allabout radio tv and film..and mainly about actors.read sliver again whats it really about.The first part is all about semblence.In 1953 Kraussman wrote "Blue *eam""which you know as "a Kiss before dying" which was all about Codifyers and arranged marriage between types..it was about sociopathic tendancies(leadership,craftiness,"winning")selecting,preying upon "the perfect match"...New Princes.New Kings and queens.
anyone else hearing my father ,with his respirator and IV naturally thought he was a victum of 80 years of longevity,heavy drinking and smoking.But I knew he was saying the things I had wanted to hear for years.I looked at this man not as my father but a war criminal.Part of "The Group"who said "Never again"so determined to be
on the offensive that nevr once did it seem to occur to them that their practices of Symbiotic Parentage were travesties of nature that while not "in league" with the Nazis they so despised but certainly as unsparing ,unethical and certainly methodical as ...."
I hated this man
this man who "played my father"this self righteous "prick
If he only knew my eyes
this man who "played my father"this self righteous "prick
If he only knew my eyes
my ears
my mind was transmitting his lumpy bathrobe and shakey handed explanations to the very men and women he despised enough to put me through "shoots and Ladders"
only to decide I was expendable enuf to be twice beat almost to my death..
my mind was transmitting his lumpy bathrobe and shakey handed explanations to the very men and women he despised enough to put me through "shoots and Ladders"
only to decide I was expendable enuf to be twice beat almost to my death..
word got out
and my saviors turned to be THEM
and now this prick was apologetic
he even held my hand
his explanations
his tears.
his explanations
his tears.
Thank god for Evan
keeping me "attuned"and atennuated"enuf to find out how many others were left
keeping me "attuned"and atennuated"enuf to find out how many others were left
how many born between 1968 and 1972?
and just how much
and just how much
of Op*ration Omen
was as they say in Hollywood
in"the can"
was as they say in Hollywood
in"the can"
"i brought you some chocolate Dad.This time don't give anything to the nurses.They take advantage.."He took a good long breath from his oxygen mask before fumbling with the candy box,filled with just enough H-Doxipinehalite to put the fucker on his "slow boat to China"
He explained between coughing fits why i was raised as I was.
All the while EVAN graphing me how hot the male nurse doing isometric exercises with an emaciated parkinson's victim 45 degrees left and 3 degrees perpndicular of our shared sight line
he graphed images of the male nurse in 50 shades of grey while I held the old fuckers cold hand
tears coming out of his bloodshot eyes
my "domed" head recording his every nuance
he graphed images of the male nurse in 50 shades of grey while I held the old fuckers cold hand
tears coming out of his bloodshot eyes
my "domed" head recording his every nuance
"because they were doing it
because they
were
doing
because they
were
doing
it.
we
we
had
to do it
to do it
you don't understand
"Levinites"
they called themselves.
I call them monsters
but I was called in just for this.Just to get reaquainted with the perp
I stopped calling myself a jew when I found out "my own" brood"tried to kill me
for not being "Clean,pure or righteous" enuf..
for not being "Clean,pure or righteous" enuf..
it was my own father who nodded his head towards the goon squad of my semite "tribe"
to break me.
to break me.
it began when I was 5 and they caught me playing with my sisters doll
a jewish president yes.
a faggot.
a faggot.
not so much
"which brings us to Avi Kraussman's "die Ausbeute an ideen" written in 1963 and rewritten by Levin in 67" to coincide with the 4500.
I was part of the 4500
my mother as well
unknowingly.
he married her cause he "had" to...
he married her cause he "had" to...
while the old man droned on about "Rosemary's Baby"(die Ausbeute an ideen)I didn't think I could keep myself restrained enough to get "to This Perfect Day"
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