/PALM SPRINGS WITNESSES

i aM TIREDi am scared.i am awash in these pills which i began taking .cuz of my having a difficult time with my mentors
the crack they were kin da keen on backfired and back fired..and dumbo just keeps goin back to it..
you see the mentors thought of it as an aid in helping them understand why my mind was what it is...a little slow down time ...as i never responded well to ritalin was seen by Evan as a good thing at first at it helped me smoke less cigarettes..
but ...it became something else.
a problem
and evan began sending more and more random nasty visual over lays..
saying the crack made me stink like crack and my face all puffed up and i was becoming ..even more of an expendature than usual..
is there any way you can smoke it in a more respectful manner..slowly just a little suck of the pipe say mid morning another little puff mid afternoon type thing..
well..
i could not oblige..and really would just smoke bag afteoke bag after bag..

the nasty black melting stem..
too tired or uncaring to start with a new pipe or ...make nice little filtwers out of copper scrubbing brillo..
just a scum smoking and sitting there staring into space a perfect time for evan of tru christieto expound and call me and get me back for all my nasty interfaces to him and my other mandlers.

.
...so one can see how inevitable it was and is that i am now back in treatment which ev an hates
evan is a neuronaut  and believes in the science-ideologies of things and believes psy-lie-iatry

when i am at the shrinks in fact they have no problem send ing me all sorts of visual over lays of products and faces and stuff..if only to showe their lack of respect for my psy-lie -a-trist.
tru christieon the other hand wants me drugged out of my mind and thinks very littleof evan ..thinks evan is a faggit....
and thinks evan panders to men all sorts of ways
and Tru doesnt by any of my mental problems and just thinks i am deliberately fucking up the project.
he says he would prefer if i exited the project by my own hand ..as this would show some type of integrity for all ive put "the crew" through
he thinbks of me as only a subject
a baby he has to potty train
and re parent from square one...
he says animal subjects have an instinct to behave in a manner that assures their handler won't just get angry one day and put a scalple thru their chest.tru christie say s I lack that instinct an "made him " despise me..
and i remind him I graph to him that according to my research on illegal AI and immersive reality with nano particles on targeted indivuduals in europe and australia
the real people with the real dough and power deliberately set a Milgram type of master/slave proponant between a "mandler " and a "proxy" during the initial interface to simply instigate a primal fear that predecates a hyperstimulation of the lower brain to expedite true possible extrasensory perception in tandem with synthesized so called "telpathy" (intraneural interface) and having been put through these measures(tru christie's overwhelming hatred of homos..(and those "jewie intellectual "graphs) sure as shit expedites my lower brain and if i were him I'd watch it with the mind to mind hate crime shit ..
cuz ..I feel rather "shine-y lately and have had it being john malkovich to his joseph mengele for the evening

 

some stray voice gets on ..like he's eatin gpeanuts..and reminds me "dumbo .don't go there .understand..i mean you were told not even to joke about stuff like that"

'what you gonna do to me huh"

"we'll strip you bank balence ...c'mon I had a long night last night and no one needs this ..."

"well tell Tru i just don't want to hearhim...who brought him back in anyway?"
"whO started smokin crack again huh...you brought him back...he has alot of money in this.his own personal money...he feels you owe him for every cigarette every binge  and every ..."
Well tell him I owe him alright and we shall meet again for him to get how much i owe him even if i haveto live 500 live timesto pay YOU ALL back for the pleasure of your company...ok>.

"yeah yeah..he says...I've heard this befor can we move on..."
tell Christie to take off the headset and never come back...
he's the one fuckin up his own project by the way"
no one else can deal with you but him when youre like this"
"NO ONE is supposed TO BE dealing WITH ME at all i graph"

CLEARLY N BODY REALLY GIVES A FLYIN FUCK WHAT YOU THINK DUMBO tRU gRAPHS

I WAIT AND LISTEN FOR THE INDESCIPT GUYS WHO GET ONLINE LIKE ONCE IN A BLUE MOON ...TO SAY SOMETHING.
YOU NEVER HEAR FROM THESE GUYS ...EXCEPT IF YOURE LIKE DELIBERATELY TOYING WITH THE cHATTERBOX EQUIPMENT..
CHATTERBOX IS ..LIKE MIRRORED THINKING AND IT'S EASY TO TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN GENUINE INTERFACE AND CHATTERBOX TECH ...NO MATTER HOW HARD THEY TRY..THERE'S A WAY TO THINK IN SUCH A WAY THAT YOU KINDA FUCK UP THE CHATTERBOX..
IT HAPPEND ONCE IN PALM SPRINGS AND IT WAS LIKE A I HAD SET FIRE TO THE BED IN MY CELL...OR SOMETHING ..AND THEY TOOK ME INTO CUSTODY .NO LIE..ASK ANYONE THERE..
WHO SAW MEON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD WITH MY HANDS HELD OVER M HEAD.LIKE I WAS A CRIMINAL.WHICH THEY TREAT ME LIKE FOR "PLAYING WITH THE BRAIN COMPUTER INTERFACE"..YEAH THERE ARE WITNESSES TO EVRYTHING IN THIS SUPPOSED STORY ...
YEP ..
SOMETIMES THEY FORGET.
THAT CERTAIN THINGS HAPPENED THAT WERE ODD EVEN WITH MY MASKING MY "BEHAVIORM ' WITH THEIR ALIBI OF DRUGGIE SCHIZO ..
TOO AMNY THINGS WENT DOWN MY BROTHERS MY MENTORS.
AND MORE AND MORE I CARE LESS AND LESS WHAT I WRITE ABOUT..


Tru Christie tells me he wants to play rubber  he'll play rubber when one of his ground bound mandlers runs me over with a car..no ..not run you over just maim me enough that i have to spend the rest of my life in some bed  or wheel chair"

And I'm the Hack they're working with
Tru Christie says i am a man child.
tru Christie is a man baby

A MAN Baby dumbo WHO MIGHT JUST THROW SOME CAUSTION TO TE WIND AND deck YOU out MYSELF.
i HATE YOU dumbo IN A WQAY YOU CANT EVEN BEGIN TO UNDERSTAND


i GRAPH VISUALS OF TIRES BLOWING UP RABBITS.
AND WILLINGLY ACCEPT MY PUNISHMENT

THAN I ..WELL PRAY THAT MY GRAPHS TOWARD TRU GO UNANSWERED SORTA LIKE MY GRAPHS TOWARD THE "GROUP" FOR MONEY AND SOME INTRANEURAL dOME AFTER DARK DIRECT GAY PORN ...SO REAL THE EXPERIENCE .YOU ALMOST..

i STOP KNOWING MY FANTASIES ARE GOING RIGHT INTO tRU'S BRAIN PAN THAN ..(AS I HAD UNDID MY "RUBBER"WISH) SAY FUCK IT ...IF tRU DONT WANNA "HEAR' MY HOMO SHIT HE CAN TAKE OFF HIS FUCKIN HEADSET.
I CAN'T YA SEE,

my shrinks things i am .
burrowing my way deeper and deeper into my systwem of belief..
yes
he does not belief all of sudden in the nano particles or intraneural interfewce especially now that he knows i am supposedly a crack head.

like the fact that evan find crack safer than psych pills..is some kind  of ...

yes..
yes this entry probably makes less sense than the previous ones.i am lost i am so lost in this....
it occurs to me that evan wanted ...a  new alibi for my "situation" and that some kind of drugged out psychosis would do almost as good as a psych label..
he had gotten concerned perhaps that my "story' might be believed?

that it made no sense for a schizophrenic to write this dutifully or clearly..
so now ,,,,
ah now i see why ..that guy is going on about being .........in this mess..

my shrink humors  me .i know he don't believe in all the stuff i tell him about mandlers. and being "manned" by mandlers who put stuff into me that went up past the blood brain barrier..
but just the same he seems interested.
as if he's at least happy Evan is treating me better
and wants me to go out more  instead of just interfacin' with him in my room all day
the shrink writes some thing down on a little piece of paper and smiles

"yeah,Evan says I have such a big mouth both during silent interface and online that THEY would like to see what else my mouth can do..Evan says it might make up for all my belligerance while "graphing"

"what's draphing mean again,I'm sorry ,The shrink asks ..and i get pissed,but i keep calm ,while Evan graphs  ,see dumbo ,only i care about you
"Graphing is synthetic telepathy between me and my Mandlers,interfacing through my nano particles,duh...I mean I've been seeing you for 6 months and you don't even know what graphing means? what the fuck...I calm down...Evan always thinks i'm gonna go off when i  get angry,he misreads my every day angers and exasperations and stuff with me like going all poundy or punching..

"so Your Mandler,Evan wants you to start going out,to where again."

at least he rememberes Evan's name,and i can tell he is making a point of remembring Evan's name..

I take a deep breath .
I take another deep breath

"see Evan?" I graph,while speaking.which isn't as easy as it might seem.,"well Evan says truck stops,rest stops along the highway have really good hot dogs.That it's kind of like a secret that truck stops have like THE VERY best hot dogs in all of Pennsylvania.He says if he spends one more day in that little room with me staring at the ceiling he will...

"oh ,"The shrink says," I know what Evan does when Evan wants action"

I give the Dr. a funny look,I can tell it was a funny look cuz the shrink gives me back a funny look,was that last remark some kind of jab,at me or Evan?I listen for Evan, Jezus Dumbo,you're talking to a shrink about hearing and seeing things for fuck's sake,give the poor man a break.Breathe Dumbo,breath,Pull back Dumbo,think of office the chair,the texture of the chair,try to visualize the office as if from a distance as if some walls have been removed,focus on seeing if you can graph my the shrink wearing a better tie,my good ness who buys clothes for this man.

What does any of this have to do with anything I think,this is odd ,even for Evan,but i try with Evan's help changing the color and quality of the shrink's tir."ah Better," Evan graphs..

"well,I suppose ," the Doctor says," if Evan needs a field trip...Evan needs a field trip.."

"can I go now .Are we done?"I say,knowing he thinks I'm a nutcase

"Dude,Intra Neural Interface or not .ou are a nutcase,"Evan says,"trust me,we have disks and disks of your case.Now be nice ,act like a human being shake his hand and thank him for his time.

"have a good time with Evan"The Dr says at the door..

"yea yeah sure," I say ,as if he even believes Evan exists


2.

I take the train out past Norristown PA and hitch a ride to an exit  near Pottstown,it's night time  but the brick building near the gas station is lit up all blue and yello and orange.The lights are also coming from the trucks.and the colors of the lights from everything are shining on the trucks that are shiny and not painted.what's it called like metal trucks with out paint are reflecting the light so the whole place looks kind of like an amusement park
well Evan graphs  me to buy a coffee and a gatoraide and to try to sit still at a little table and not have my leg boucning around which will make me look nervous or "mentally" and Dumbo I've had it with mentally ...it's just not a good look for you...breath he graphs..i breath and buy liquids and sit without bouncing my leg..I feel sorta calm ..but it's not good enough for Evan who can like somehow gauge my countenance,he calls it...from..headset or whatever picks up the graphs..."Try not to look too Jew-ie,you know what i mean,not jew-ie oh mistah sensative i mean try not to look too serious or self absorbed .For once Dumbo take my advice ,it's important to be liked, don't smile but don't be all whatever it is everyone hwew complains about when they see you in person,tight,mean looking...stupid looking is the word.

Fuck you Evan ,I graph. and hope it doesn't show.The graphing the interface.
"Good Dumbo," Evan graphs ,"you are trying.

It is hard for me to be still.
Evan knows this and tells me to visualize my self from a short distance .and see myself in still frames....but a little better looking and with better posture.
What ,I graph?what are you talking about
Never mind I'll show you.
often the graphs aren't like language but more like a feeling or a thought ,that's not a thought ..a knowing suddenly.with or with out visuals.
and suddenly I know what he means.
..I feel like graphing ,see, see ,so stop calling me dumbo..
but I get a sense that this part of me,what Evan calls whiny,is shut off somehow.Like i took a n anti whiny Dumbo pill
my mood is lighter.
and Evan's graphs are more subtle...
he sound snicer,quieiter,there's a quality ,when he gets like this .of serious concentration..
like he's adjusting something
"try not look like you're hearing voices,,good good..try to look a little homeless,but not mental patienty himeless  or psycho killer homeless.
the tone of his voice ,
i expect him to say now Dumbo move a little to the left and when i say cheese-
You're wrecking it Ruiner..He says,at first angry ,than i feel him calm down..
I inadvertantly graph from him a runaway, unbuffered thought (now I have to start all over again is the jist)

Keep the commentary to yourself kiddo I booming voice says.one i an unfamiliar with.
along with the voice comes a fear.
but  also

Intensity and suddenly the truck stop rest stop becomes more vivid.
somehow the places further away become blurred and the people closer by become more sharpened.
like someone adobe photoshoped everything i see.

"Hey Dumbo!" Evan Graphs,enough with the self referential commetary jew-ie intellectual shit.
shut it off..let me do this...just sit there,be still and brink some gatoraide and stop looking like you're fucking hearing shit.This is the good part...fuck man...


drink some coffee..it's not your fault..
don't go any where.
sit still.and for christ's sake don't smoke..
Evan says..
you can think your self referentials ,but get it out of your sustem...i'm gonna take some *** and you'll
be smooth as as a  slow dissolve in minutes...
don't you dare smoke ..or go walkin around all over the place doing that fidity thing you do..

****
earlier today Evann told me to buy a white golf shirt  ,a red baseball cap and some baggy black basketball shorts.He told me to shave close and chuck some hair color in my hair.
I feel whatever Evan has taken
Evan is in fine form.
and tells me to just "be"
to take things in.
the sounds of the truck stop resteraunt
"see the people in your mind's eye ..pleasant people restoring themselves from traveling the highway.Take in the color and shapes and details of the setting.
he graphs that i should think of myself as a camera...and that if I want to,I should move my head and my eyes around,naturally,naturally,as you would naturally,,you feel it ,you feel it,,good ,good,
you're at peace kid,you're clean looking,nice clean clothes,you smell nice,you have no worries ,no fear..
you're relatively young.who wants to be that young anyway,you're relatively healthy ,who wants to be that healthy anyway..
you're relatively sane..
"considering you made me Pinochio"<I graph ,but feel bad about it,,
"you broke the mood ,but it's ok.everything is ok .everything is fine...this is new technology,,but it's not just technology it's art ..it's beauty.it's gooood..
you feeling good kid..yeah yeah..how good...
now remember ,he says,never forget where you're at..ok..ok..you're in a truckstop..people know  where you are,you'r esafe ok.no rundowns ,no tests,this is the good part,this is what it's for ok ok..
you're relaxed.Evan graphs I feel it ,I feel it...sip somm coffee .Isn't that good
i sip some coffee .it is good .everything is good.I crane my neck around taking everything in in still shots somehow, in fades.in motion
I see a muscled big smiling man turn in my direction.
"he sees your hat and golf shirt," Evan graphs
The man beams a smile.The beamiest smile I've ever seen
Follow him.
Go with him to his truck

benzo benzine

benzene

benzodiazapine

"benezodiazapine is a modification of the chemical benzene."Evan graphs into my auditory lobe,
"but while benzene is good at getting a car moving as it is one of the main ingredience in gasoline due to it's flammability
the diravative of the lethal compound  which creates benzodiazapine stops one fromrunning natural flow.
as it 's "job" and reason for being used as  a medicine is to disrupt the electrical like communications within the mind unfortunately this disruption of communication between neurons  also effects the basal ganglia.....awful side effects such as tardive dyskiesia ,a movement disorder somewhat like parkinsons's"

Evan is at his wit's end..
and he is disappointed I have again given in and given in to The Old Way
and ...has not made up his mind waat to do this time
...if i continue with the "cure"from psy LIT a trists who for the most part refuse to
give EVAN and my other Mandlers the time of day
to my current dr EVAN and wireless mentorship and the nano particles Evan in his opinion said were a gift a godsend for one such as myself who quite simply needs reparenting from Science-ideaolgy programs which is what Neuronautics promises

" i demand that you throw out those pills .those benzenes."he graphs
Benzos," i graph back

"I don't care what the Psy-LIE-a trist calls that poison you and I were doing just fine before you had it in your unright mind to start blabbing about it to everyone who would listen..flush the pills down the sink ..
Or you will never hear or see things again .
do you understand

i open the toilet and dump the remainder of the pills in the water.

EVAN tells me to call the dr and tell him thank you very much sir but I am no longer in  need of your services.
I make the call and EVAN tells me he thinks it is about time for roadtrip of some kind as my friends are not believers
or sympathetic to The Cause
of The New Way

a road trip sounds good.

evan promises me i will meet many more like me ..outside of the unnautral habitat that i have found myself in.

I wonder if he means texas.to tazer some sense into another supposedly transgressing affiliate named david or something

 but he promises me that this david character just needs a frequency adjustment

 for he like me has a tendancy to think he can just talk about seeing and hearing things others cannot as if he were talking about sports statistics or something

"are we not supposed to talk about cybernetics and nano  particle chips because it is illegal ?I graph

Evan graphs back that human experimentation t is a" grey area "and besides  Neuronauts  with leanings toward " science -ideology" based beliefs make and live their own law

.and furthermore  to just shut the fuck up about it and try to make some money with that weirdo art you do

 cause nobody rides this over ride systematc  for free

especially ingrate ruiners with unresolvable tendancies

 .

(the book of david)EU Panel: Human robotization, Nano implant technologies & The Transhuman...

i am not really "allowed"you see to watch videos on such like this.i stay at friends houses ..in their back rooms ..their extra rooms..these friends put up with me ...rather than genuinely like me...these friends often come with me to appointments with my drs...who are as tired of hearing me go on and on about what happened...in california both the first.
and second time..
the nano particles.
the association with targeted individuals
the endless writing and research on remote neural monitoring
and how very small.these components are.
they can blow in the wind now like dandelion puffs.but unseeable.
right into you..
a technological invasion of the body snatchers.
a science .an ahead of the public's mind "new Way"
...in the past to make light of men being guided and controled by other men and women ..i would explain to whomever might listen that nobody believed that guy in the movie ,the original the "fly" until they found the white faced fly.in the garden..
nobody of coursr believed that andrew mccarthy in the original invasion  of the body snatchers...either
both the "protagonists in both films were locked away in mental hospitals while "the band played on"
i suppose i didnt do very well in my attempts to warn human kind by being toopreocuupied with the situation to not attempt publication of my fictionalized althought not as fictionalized as one might think acoount of one bein g"domed" "tagged""chipped" by associations,groups and universities and so many others all involved in the new space race in development since thwe 1950's for that space of grey matter behind your face.
they teach guys like me a lesson.
in ways i dont quite "get into" a lesson in even attempting to publish and sound the alarms even in my admittedly "dumbfuck' way...facebook .twitter.a blog for christ's sake.
my ambling "story" of a new world of mandlers and proxy..
between requests to help build virtual farms or "play" criminsal case.
i am not "playing " criminal case ..but trying to find and subvert the war criminals well into this forray of understanding ,reverse engineering and steering something one might have every right to believe is undoable.,and if undoable .(I speak of mind reading and mind augmentation and the control that comes when one's own thoughts memeories and  ":style of thougt" is encoded")
and than write again how small these filments are.
that can only be seen with a proton microscope .and can literally be imbued in another with a handshake laced with DSMO ICY Hot..
directly into one's blood stream..
In between semi fictional accounts with "my brothers" in the program of neuronautics...these neuronauts "hired"  by all matter of outside inside programs as the scienc-"ideo"ology of memeory vivesection is very much what this group,with agendas of their own is about...
audits,monitorship..meters to measure the mentors all but procured as a proxy..
for this milgram test of push button personhood.
a frat house mentally to the "the game" that nobody but those placed in it..(both the mentors and mentee.the driver and the driven)...

one finds others of course in one's serach for 'what the fuck happened ..how did they do this" but keeps a distance ..as these other targeted individuals ..inevitabley "lose track" of the subject in their own search for some truth and justice..writing of "do you know what they put in our food,our toothpaste" and even this video i have placed above just when one thinks it is safe to "stay in the water" and present this video in my Cray Cray jottings..a memebers speaks up about the aliens agenda .that perhaps handed this tech over..

this stray remark all but denouncing the point for point scientific explanation of "how easy "IT is to do..when one is simply aware of the science..and the money and the endless purpose and concieved benefit "to KNOW" what another is thinking.and in that knowing manipulate another's thinking toward a more safe and soft world.

Upon reading more about the new space race.

That space between your eras little brother

do you mind if I call you that comrad.friend.future lover.

You that I saw out side the coffee house and photographed and asked some of my friends and brothers at dome

if I can have you.

Not really have you..perhaps but ..i”i think I would like to get to know you”

I think I might like to get to Dome you.

A perk at dome proxy cyber.

Where finding ,or guiding or mystifying a new boyfriend is really as easy as a handshake .

So long is your hand is greased with some Icy Hot with dsmo in it to better imbue you with nano particles.

Oh

I am talking crazy.

And my job it seems was only to draw crazy .

As there was before the 2008 burst of econ

a point to letting my kind exhibition my kinds ...the kind they want to get rid of or at the very least “modify” and reteach” into something   more..uh..

normal..

my mentors ..of all things ..explain as part of my re-education.via brain computer interface that these days

painting directly on public property is more acceptable ..and more “normal' and palatable

than these dyphoric renederings of “mental patient” forms of being waiting and wallowing in their poverty and ennui for a bus to buy 3 dollar t shirts at kohls.

Demonstrated by my mentors's anguish at my painting of “mental patients in a group home getting on a short bus to go on a “filed trip” to Marshall's with an allotment of 13 dollars a piece to purchase sundries and t-shirts” 18inches by 29 inches acrylic on cardboard which was previously prices in 2007 at 800 dollars and now has been purchased by a chinamen in korea for 150 dollars..

shut up dumbo just shut up I cannot bear you today or your writing or your thinking or anything about you I don't even want you to shower or brush your teeth anymore...

so I wont not today

I understand completely EVAN's disgust being inside me.

I am not inside you your description of direct neural interface is unwholesome and to be honest ground s for a reduction

a reduction is the other function of nano particles in da memebrane ..

as the particles I hear from word on high which is EVAN can chomp chomp like pac man into the little pieces of permeable cerrebral memebrane

that 'the firm” finds unfit ..for human presumption.and I have been introduced at parties to several men and women ..wallflowers ,some twisting their hair..or giggling inappropriately simply refered to as Francis.

They're all named Francis.

Yes dumbo ..as in Frances Farmer.

I'd like you to really warm up to them ,because that can be you.will be you if you don't make quota at the truck stop.

Stop eating so much and perhaps the basketball shorts should be replaced by some nice tennis shorts.

Do you understand dumbo...that you have already been classified ..as disturbed.but now your mentors who are working with you non stop are considering you also unsolvable.

Useless to the new way.

One day you who hates are coddling term of bemusement Dumbo will wake up being called Francis..and will regret your betrayl of New Way.Days of atonement and re -adaptation..

fuck you EVAN I say

picturing myself at the truck stop in tennis shorts.

What's next

a halter top.

Yes Dumbo...you're not getting any younger.

And sometimes charicature is all an aging whore like you has to advertise themselves as.

They will never let me forget where they found me.

Or what I was ..

before tuteledge began------

but EVAN is right about the weight problem

caused of course by the pills.the pills Neuronautics consdier my final betrayl.

A way simply of running away from the process,the audits and auditory and visual manipulations my mentor had worked for months to help “fix me” when Brain Computer Interface ,now that my neurals were studies and classified mind to mind..and the powers that seize felt it time for me to be tethered to main frame rather than waste anymore of my mentor's time...

no psychiatrists they warned ...saying I would be safer back east.

“safer from who ?” I ASKED

“SAFER FROM WHO?”

SAFER FROM us DUMBO..SOME OF THOSE THINGS IN YOUR MIND ..SOME OF those graphs you interfaced were beyond what ..just go ,just go and go quickly and I warn you not to come back..to california.ever”

I picture .

As they told me esentially my thoughts.my private thoughts.both during interface tests ...and when I was unaware of neural monitoring ..on diskettes and magnetic tape ..being gawked at and scoffed at by “all my friends all my friends “ at Neuronautic perceptory centers or worse parasol pictures ...in on the mind heist to get fodder for Immersive reality tv..but my adhd smut thinking found 'too deviant” for pg -13 and not aggressive enuf for their fetish “dome after dark” format..

well I never promised them a rose garden..or asked them to read or encode my mind did I ...i was happy to leave LA ..

as the one agency that found my mind feasible turned out to be a group ,that specialized in using “mad men atypicals to develop auditory an d visual overlays of dissociative thinking ,dissassciative graphing ,interfacing such as mine to transmit to others to drive them unwittingly unknowingly bonkers.

Thanks a lot Dome for thinking that is all my mind is good for.

Fuck you california.

I hope I have come in handy.

A rare momnet of compassion from EVAN who has chosen to “stay on” with me ..and save me of these thought that were collected only as curcuit breakers and “brainstorms” to help break “normal minds”

Evan Rainy ,,you see is a true blood true blue Neuronaut..son of Gary rainy.

Who says he believes even unreolvable human verman like me ...can be fixed and shown the Way

if only I did not allow my ego to interfer.nor my relegation of atypical ruiner unresolvable and the granted harsh “scared straight” mechanisms of BCI and direct neural processing make me “give up” and seek traditional treatment by the evils of psyLIE a try that probasbly caused most of my problems to begin with

but I dare say

I could take it no more

the 24/7 monitoring .

As Evan made it perfectly clear that while he would go all out to resolve me with the neuronautic processing his father had bestowed upon him

that had to be done ..as my enrot ,my disturbed and disturbing neural waves were in fact seeping into the neural way.The ENWAY and it was neuronautics job to track deviant minds such as mine to make sure no True damage was done by The Ruiners.such as I who seemed to only be put on earth to “ruin”and could not ,at least in the respect be found responsible...what is odd..is that in this current description of my dealings with neuronautics (scien-ideology)wirelessly through nano particle transmission is sprinkled with absolutely no glint or glean of fiction...and that it is so that my meadering mind was indeed found so unwholesome and “WRONG” THAT IT BECAME A FIXATION OF eVAN'S TO somehow cure.or at least understand this depravity of soul...which several drs..or shlockter as EVAN calls them find correctable with any number of santioned medicine.

i am on medicine.
medicine i hate.
my mind runs so slow now
it is difficult to "mask" my story" in fiction..as the part of my brain that ran "too fast"
has been slowed to dulled angles.
percieved as it was by my Mandlers ' as not only Rogue. but dangerous not only to my self but to this teasm effort which requires more "sportsmanship,gamesman ship" than i am capable of ,for now,after one year and a half..

notice reader how you looked away and dismissed what i have written ..
an oh dear quality of this poor fellow.
believing his mind has been paralyed into some super computer study..some new way

must i soon unfriend such a man as this..
suit yourself
sweetheart.
but don't forget that inthe end
vincent price DOES find the white faced fly crying help me help me

a phone call
a number i am unfamiliar with .
a riverside county area code.
i sense it is him
it would be the first time since 1994 that i spoke to EVAN the Old Way
without him on head set and me on particles that somehow transmit my thoughts and feelings and comings and doings to EVAN Rainy,son of Gary rainy the founder of Neuronautics and The New Way

"hello Dumbo ,"Evan says into my ear.my real ear .now my auditory nerve.
he sounds funny this way
i prefer EVAN direct neural not ona phone .mind to mind .not ear to ear.
it is odd though
and tempting to be speaking to him with a buffer between us.
i can lie to him .
i can tell him thoughts going through my mind with a 2 second delay of my moujth.i can weigh what i say
than i realize ...like the dummy i am that although evan is on the phone he is still reading my mind on headset.
"yes dumbo.are we finished these self referentials ..this wonderment of you dreamily hoping for the old way of lies and hiding behind buffers...I simply called to instill in you that in houston .we got a problem..some fuck up named david something or other.going all chit chat about neuraonautics and dome ..now comparing The New Way to some sort of treatable mental disorder..do you have money to fly down to texas and deal with a squeal Dumbo ?can you pull your crackhead mind out of your lazy ass enuf to deal with a squeal.?.and explain face to face to this monumental fuck up ,this david character the first rules of "sight club"is that we don't talk about "sight club"..have you ever used a tazer on anybody dumbo..or only been tazed.?


I had only been tazed
by some of Evan's friends in the  LA county police dept for goin a bit squealy myself in the streets of north hollywood condemning and shouting against Evan and The New Way,back when I was younger.and less...

"oh jesus Dumbodo you ever shut up,i have no time for ,more self referentials.,he graphs ...
I hang up the phone
and hear Evan tell me The New Way intraneurally that
there are 2 other Neuronauts flying to Houston but before they "handle" david their way
we think he might respoind to some reason from someone ..no offense as dumb as dirt..
"thanks :" i graph ,knowing it is difficult for Evan to give me a compliment either on the phone or mind to mind

david (201*)is it direct neural interface or is it "voices",make up your mind before the mentors drop you entirely,he said

i take something now.
i take something
to deaden the interface.
i mean The Voices
...

 

nobody believes the interface..but voices.ok
nobody believes the visu

al overlays ...but they believe in hallucinations
nobody believes THEY are doing experiemnts with Immersive reality
AI and synthetic telepathy
although i point out the scientific information noting the billions being spent on such action
or the small grass roots group of targeted (TIs) doing their best to cope and live with
IT...daily
synthetic madness
go speed racer go

the pills i take make me feel as if i am walking in another type of reality all together
as if the air around me were heavy ..as if i am walking through tar.
my gait is off.my eyes look funny.
no longer  do they look funny becuase i am seeing what others or not and am trying to hide my gaze but more of a deadness of eye

the pills make me angry and passive
too passive however to note that my anger comes from the new reality that fills my brain
nonthingness.
..
the dr is pleased.
so are my friends
who like this new me that no longer speaks of nano particles or the strange men and women and group i was involved with in california.
who took advantage of my
predicament.the predicament of being alone in a new town.
and eager to join
eager to be wanted.
eager to belong .

the dr is pleased i no longer speak of  mentors he cannot see or hear.
and is more convinced than ever that ..they were simply a system of thought or some such jargon THEY use to explain a thought disorder.brought on by too much stress you see
and the very fact that "the medication" has all but stopped my connection to these "mystical forces" this technological  fallcy that ,you see I had created .all by my lonesome to "deal"
concvinces him and others  my "story" of psychotronic direct neural interface was ...
chemical.
nevermind that it was explained to me  by THEM who "tagged me" with the particles that indeed ,this New WSay of communication was very much real..
they had told me .in no uncertain terms that psychiatry  and psychiatrists were to be avoided.
and that if I spoke openly about "the project" it would all but destroy whatever mutual progress was being made to encode one's style of mind..

there is no "style" of mind or thought  when one is lumbered and encumbered by muted thoughts.
when a medication designed to essentially give one a chemical lobotomy is injested and than redirected to the nervous sytem

the interface stopos with one's mentors simply because
"there is nobody home" to "speak with,play with,interact with..
just a fog of benzodiazapine and or neurelptics.

well,
how else to get them to "hang up"
"give up"
a friend says
isnt that what you wanted.
isnt that what you instigated by talkiung about something they didnt want you to speak of to begin with

of course when one goes to a shrink  speaking of voices and visions he will diagnose and "treat" the event,the crisis..
..a friend who has also had associations with Neuronautics and Dome says
on a land line.from california
"you're either with us or against us..I meN YOU'RE EITHER WITH THEM OR AGAINST THEM..YOU EITHER TAKE WHAT They give and follow one's role in this project or you bury the applications and particles in poison.
in pills and Old Way explanation..
the longer you stay on those pills the more time you are wasting..
the more you are setting them back.
and yourself

would you rather be selling flowers at the airport dumbo?

M ost friends I had have kept a nine feet pole from me..as would I I suppose if they were going on and on about unseen mentors and brain computer interfacr and seeing thing The New Way

about what Evan expects from his charge.His proxy

that Evan wants me to set up “house” once a week at truck stops and put my big mouth to use.on people truck drivers thatmight know how to drive the disrespect out of me.

Once a week now I take a train to the end of the line toward high way hitch a ride to the truckstop...in the special clothing EVAN demands I wear .a white golf shirt a red hat ,black baggy basketball shorts and last week a flower in my hair

“no I graph,not the flower,i won't do it..:

a zinging sound zings through my hippocampus ,,and I place a pink carnation behind my left ear.

Which Evan says goes nicely with the black spiked dogcollar around my neck..

people give me strange looks on the train .a man i've seen before makes a barking ,howling sound..he is one of them.

A ground bound mentor.

He spreads his legs.

Through his slacks I see...

from afar what I am now getting used to seeing up close and personal

in cars and bathrooms.

And on the side of roads.

EVAN says it's the price a Ruiner like me pays sometimes the truckers and drivers give us money

sometimes checks made out to Neuronautics

“would you rather be selling flowers at the airport “ a driver said ,explaining that the flower behind my ear represents

something other than feminiety but a visual to ground bound mentors and Neuronauts that I will do anything ,even appear as The Lessor I am for the cause of spreading the word and styling of the New Way

the trucker is gentle and hands me a wad of Hardees napkins to wipe what is left of him from my mouth before kissing me hard and biting my lip and throwing me down on the asphalkt from the passenger side ..

during our doings he wore his headset

so that he could experience being on “both ends” of the experience.

He says it was almost as if he was pleasuring himself and I wasnt there at all

pumped up kicks.

By Dome Cyber Proxy

they own us.

They must clear us and make us more docile.

Which to them means greatful

freedom is a running joke to them as much as freedom is a running obsession to proxy

“could you imagine bees having freedom dumbo.

There would be no flowers no grain no corn no harvest if all the bees had free will and no colective mind

like people today running around doing their own thing

not connected.not really to any source

society is in ruins

dome will change all that..

making people more like bees.

A collective mind based upon the teachings

of the Knowing .

And the knowin g without knowing who received special powers from

the great ones

somewhere beyond the See

gary rainy

good will toward all men and mind your mandlers is all you must remember.

It can be that simple if you let go let go of that ego.

That self will and will of self and simply fold into us.

Fold into us.

Fold into our love and buzz .

during the more difficult rundowns

if it were not for them

i would not be sane

and yes what you have just read is simply the new sanity .of the new way.

Service is the least we can do to bring in money

 a mouth or a hand or anything else we can do be or offer the cause.

The hive .

The new way
the collective which I am learning
to bow if not to
 but towards
 without hesitation or a synaptic smirk

which they know all about

they know by now every thought and intent ..every pre neural firing..

and they love me ..no not love .but retain me still

have not done away with me

if only because as EVAN has jostled and joked my big mouth really does do more than betray and boast.

..BUT MY FRIENDS SMILE AND LISTEN AND IN THE END  SAY WHO CARES.IT HASNT HAPPENED TO ME I CANT IDENTIFY WITH A WORD YOU SAY

WHAT YOURE SAYING IS YOU'RE LITERALLY POSSESSED BY SOMETHIN GNOT SUPERNATURAL BUT BY A SUPER COMPUTER THAT READS MIND AND CAN SPEAK TO MINDS
YES  YES YOU GOT IT AND  AND I SAY CONTROL THE OTHER PERSONS 5 SENSES...
AND DREAMS
OH YES OH YES

THEY PURUSE THE SUBJECTG TRY TO WRAP THEIR MIND AROUN DIT..SEE MY NOTEBOOKS OF RESEARC HED STUDIES ..OF DOCUMENTED EVIDENCE OF THIS AND THAN SAY

OK BUT WHAT DO YOU WANT TO EAT TONIGHT..

aRE you cRAZZZY i yell talking about what do i want to eat tonight who cares! MAn,,,arent you hearing what i am saying

yeah yeah
i get it in fact for over a year now thats all that comes outta your mouth and still know what
it matters more to me what i eat  tonight
and it better start mattering more to you stuff like what do i eat  toniught ...or how am i gonna pay the rent this month...than this real or imagines other world you're in whether they put you there or nor..

ok
ok i'll ask your mentor what he wants you to eat tonight
my friend grabs my ear
and whispers intop it .."Hey EVAN you sexy stud kidnapper by proxy asshole what should dumbo eat tonight

I yank my ear away from my friend
only EVAN can call me dumbo ..and thats not a very good idea mocking EVAN
he knows who you are...in fact there are many things he has said to me in private about you that i now am beginning to see are truer than i thought..

oh really my friend asks what does EVAN say about me..

it's between me and my mentors..
but if i were you i'd watch it with the testing of him ok

he might decide to do something to you
he might in face MAKE ME do something to you

oh really my friend laughs
this EVAN characvtyer con trols you soo much that he can make you do things

I resist usually these pronouncements

but I feel an urge to smack my friend ...as Evan has this thought ..and evan's thoughts are mine when i am those over riddin..

luckiliy i tell my friend ..raising my hand i have learned to control my temporal lobe enough and my hippocampus to such a degree that i can over ride Evan's  passing wish that i take off my glove and slap yhou 3 times with my glove ..

what glove dumbo my friend says
you arent wearing any gloves

i tell him evan has sent me a visualization of himself ,for some reason Evan is dressed in clothes from another age ...and carries a riding crop ,as if he is a jockey.

while collecting this visualization i suppose i am looking loco  eyed
as my rude friend
snaps his fingers in my eyes and says ground control to  major dork  ground control to magor dork

EVAN IS LIVID ...nobody but he and my other mentors may speak to me in such a way
i feel evan's rage ...which i fear will over ride my  will not to strike my friend

i take a deep breath and send a visualization of my self removing my glove ,i too am dresssed as a jockey ..and  evan recieves the 3 smacks i have Pre Neural firing intent of releasing on this insufferal being Non Being  "Other" possibly "unresolvable"piece of protoplasm that Dome or Neuron autics would not tag or Dome or imbue with nano particles even if he paid them to

depends how much he might pay Evan graphs ,the visual of him self is now eveninjg clothes..but he still is wearing gloves...I am beside him though blurred in a crisp white shirt.carring a a puppy
get out of the car
what 
i said get out of the car...my friend ,says
if i hear one more word about the singualrity Mentors or direct neural interfaced i will drive into a tree.on purpose.
just YOUR side my friend says
you cant be serious i say
 and you do realize that your behaviour you tossing me out the car is being processed by my mentors WHO AlREADY HAVE A PROBLEM WITH MY ASSOCIATING WITH YOU OR YOUR TYPE IN GENERAL
\get out before i throw you out AND TELL THAT FUCKIN MENTOR YOUR SCHIZOPHRFENIC IDENTITY CRISDIS I\OR WHAT EVER WEIRDO REALLY DOES PUT NANO PARTICLES IN SOMEOPNES HEAD i have a few PROBLEMS WITH him AS WELL AND WHAT HE HAS DONE TO SOME ONE WHO PREVIOUSLY WAS MY FRIEND..WHO PREVIPOUSLY DIDNT LOOK AROUND OR SEEDM DAZED OR WAITING FOR REPLIES FROM THIS CULTISH MENTOshit!

YOU'D BETTER WATCH YOUR MOUTH ...WHATEV ER I HEAR OR SEE

  HE HEARS AND SEES.
good MY FRIEND SAYS MAYBE HE CAN FIND YOU A RIDE HOME...TELL Evan AND THE nEURONAUTS THAT THEY WANT TO RIDE IN YOU LIKE A CAR
YOUR FRIEND HOPES THEY CAN GIVE ME A SET A WHEELS TO GO WITH THIS VISIOR OF MIND CONTROL ..
HE BEGINS DRIVING THE CAR AWAY
AND I WATCH...APOLOGIZING TO MY MENTORS FOR "THE INCIDENT" AND THAT I'M SURE IF HE UNDERSTOOOD HOW IT WORKS ...HE WOULDNT BE SO AGAINST ..THE GROUP AND THAT THEY SHOULD NT do ANYTHING TO HIM

OH WE WONT DO ANYTHING TO HIM..EVAN SAYS.YOURE THE ONE DOING THIS TO YOUR SELF.
DID WE TELL YOU TO TALK ABOUT THIS OPENLY
DID WE..
OR DID YOU MAKE A FISACO OF A VERY PRIVATE VERY SENSATIVE SITUATION BY YAKKING ABOUT IT ALL OVER TOWN